(Closed) FI Cold Feet?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think his concern in wanting you not to book anything is legitimate if it’s due to finance/logistic reasons. To him it’s not a big deal and it’s true that it’s not a big deal in the long run, but I understand how it may be a big deal to you to postpone. The biggest reason why couples postpone weddings is not because they don’t want to get married but because of financial reasons or the logistics of being long distiance.

You shouldn’t be worried unless for some other reasons you do not want to postpone the wedding. I understand that disappointment is inevitable but calm yourself down by thinking that it’s a matter of postponing and not a matter of cancellation. You can still plan but the actual date will need to be reconsidered. Hopefully, when you get to talk to your Fiance, everything will be cleared up. Maybe he’s not as “free-spirited” as you think and it’s admirable that he wants to think through his future with you in more detail.

Post # 4
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

When are you seeing him next? I would let him know that you’re really worried and that maybe the talk shouldn’t wait that long…

Post # 6
420 posts
Helper bee

My Fiance does this SOMETIMES. I don’t know why he does this to me. It’s just mean. After discussing/planning/arranging.. he occasionally, when he is stressed about other things, throws out the, “You didn’t BOOK it though, did you?” Ugh! He doesn’t mean it… But to be fair, if he is dealing with stress from our company and I am on the internet and I pop my head out from around the computer and say, “Honey, do you like this garter or this one???” –That would be a bit annoying.. This then usually results in the anger/frustration from the issue at hand(completely un-related to the wedding) transpiring into the wedding brush off..

I think that getting married is hard for everyone, especially MOST men, and when there is other stress, or issues, right at the moment, the wedding becomes an extra “headache” that can be put off.

When you have the talk, ask him if he wants to postpone the marriage or the wedding. And ask him if he is unsure about getting married or if the planning is just too much right now. Let him answer that, and then you will know if it is cold feet, being practical or just being a “guy”. I’m sure he is just being a “typical” guy….

Try not to let it get to you.. It happens to most all of us. It is not fair, it is often heartbreaking, that while you are trying to plan your wedding, and allow yourself to be excited–it’s your wedding– the man you are doing it all for, rains on your parade…. Don’t let it hurt you, cause more than likely, it may happen again during the wedding planning process. Generally, I take a few of the FI’s snide comments about it, and then I sort of harp on him for it, giving him the low down about how I am planning OUR wedding, and how he should be grateful to me that HE doesn’t have to get off his butt to do/plan any of it. Then, he tends to come back to reality and shape up a bit.. for a while.. that is, until the next round of this annoying, wedding planning cycle!

Hugs to you!

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