Post # 1
Last night was a devastating conversation for me. Maybe I am worrying unnecessarily but I have this “nag” that something is going awry. I scheduled two venues to check out and was really excited about both of them. Mainly, I was just excited to go and look and felt as if I was doing good at nailing the most important task down. Only to hear these words from FI’s mouth, “Well, don’t book anything. We have some things we need to talk about.” When I asked what he said they were things he didn’t want to talk about over the phone but mentioned finances, mine and his, our current long distance living and the plans for that. He wants to talk about a “map for the master plan”. Which is all good and lovely, I agree. But we have talked about some of these things and I’ve always thought we were “free spirited” enough to deal with whatever we’re handed – even if it meant not going to live with each other right after we’re married. The most devastating words, after talking about a date, etc a few weeks ago were “maybe next summer just isn’t the best time for us to get married”. I’ve been planning (granted for it’s been for three weeks), working hard and now this? Why now? I feel as if this conversation we will have in person creates something that our plans hinge on. I’ve cried, I’ve been mad – more than anything I am confused and sad and a little hurt to hear this. He keeps saying “it’s not a big deal. We just need to talk about this stuff.” But if it’s really not a big deal, why the halt on planning? Why the statement about maybe next summer not being our summer? I needed to vent, Bees. I don’t want to do this to Momma Cannoli because she might have a minor panic attack. Any advice? Am I being ridiculous and worrying too much? How do I calm myself down?
Post # 3
I think his concern in wanting you not to book anything is legitimate if it’s due to finance/logistic reasons. To him it’s not a big deal and it’s true that it’s not a big deal in the long run, but I understand how it may be a big deal to you to postpone. The biggest reason why couples postpone weddings is not because they don’t want to get married but because of financial reasons or the logistics of being long distiance.
You shouldn’t be worried unless for some other reasons you do not want to postpone the wedding. I understand that disappointment is inevitable but calm yourself down by thinking that it’s a matter of postponing and not a matter of cancellation. You can still plan but the actual date will need to be reconsidered. Hopefully, when you get to talk to your Fiance, everything will be cleared up. Maybe he’s not as “free-spirited” as you think and it’s admirable that he wants to think through his future with you in more detail.
Post # 4
When are you seeing him next? I would let him know that you’re really worried and that maybe the talk shouldn’t wait that long…
Post # 5
I will see him tonight. We will have our talk then. I think the finances discussion has to do with long term finances (i.e once we’re married how does this work) because when it comes to funding the wedding, we both have money ready to spend. Thank you pren79 – it is admirable that he wants to talk it through. I just don’t want him to have cold feet. I’m so excited to be his Mrs.!
Post # 6
My Fiance does this SOMETIMES. I don’t know why he does this to me. It’s just mean. After discussing/planning/arranging.. he occasionally, when he is stressed about other things, throws out the, “You didn’t BOOK it though, did you?” Ugh! He doesn’t mean it… But to be fair, if he is dealing with stress from our company and I am on the internet and I pop my head out from around the computer and say, “Honey, do you like this garter or this one???” –That would be a bit annoying.. This then usually results in the anger/frustration from the issue at hand(completely un-related to the wedding) transpiring into the wedding brush off..
I think that getting married is hard for everyone, especially MOST men, and when there is other stress, or issues, right at the moment, the wedding becomes an extra “headache” that can be put off.
When you have the talk, ask him if he wants to postpone the marriage or the wedding. And ask him if he is unsure about getting married or if the planning is just too much right now. Let him answer that, and then you will know if it is cold feet, being practical or just being a “guy”. I’m sure he is just being a “typical” guy….
Try not to let it get to you.. It happens to most all of us. It is not fair, it is often heartbreaking, that while you are trying to plan your wedding, and allow yourself to be excited–it’s your wedding– the man you are doing it all for, rains on your parade…. Don’t let it hurt you, cause more than likely, it may happen again during the wedding planning process. Generally, I take a few of the FI’s snide comments about it, and then I sort of harp on him for it, giving him the low down about how I am planning OUR wedding, and how he should be grateful to me that HE doesn’t have to get off his butt to do/plan any of it. Then, he tends to come back to reality and shape up a bit.. for a while.. that is, until the next round of this annoying, wedding planning cycle!
Hugs to you!
Post # 7
Well, we had the conversation. It was mainly on how we would make things work for the next year and did we have enough money to make up for what my dad is not paying for. He was concerned I didn’t have enough saved up. Which was very sweet! We also discussed living apart and how we would work toward being in the same city once the planning and wedding was over. I think he just needed a little assurance that I was on the same page with him as to our Map to the Master Plan. I waited til he brought the subject up and he even asked for paper and pencil so we could “lay it all out”. It was a fine conversation and one for the books because it was funny and it was sweet. He started it out by saying “let me just start this conversation by saying that I love you and I am excited to get married”. It was also a great reminder to why I love him SO much and why he is “the one”.
Thanks everyone! You all made me feel better! Bees are the BEST! Hugs to you all, too!