(Closed) FI completely careless…what if something happened? VENT

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Hm….one of the other Bees posted about a similar problem a couple weeks ago, but I forget who.  But there was some good advice there.  Can anyone help me out?  I don’t have any advice, sorry :-/

Post # 4
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Granted it’s careless, but try not to flip out on him. Anyone can make a mistake. Sometimes I forget to lock the front door. Sometimes I leave my keys in the car. It happens. Leave a note somewhere he will see right before he leaves that says “Close the garage door” and it probably won’t happen anymore.

Post # 5
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’ve been on the opposite end of this – I’ve accidentaly left the garage door open a couple of times. Accidentaly being the key word – he didn’t do it on purpose or to put you in danger, so I think the anger is a bit extreme. I can see that it would be aggravating wanting him to just apologize and having it not happen, but if you flew right into anger I can see why he’d be so defensive that he doesn’t apologize – not saying that it’s right for him to not apologize. I don’t really think either of you are right here – he needs to apologize and try to be more careful in the future and you should try to not get so angry over something that was an accident.

Post # 6
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@soon2bhis: I remember what you are talking about, but I didn’t comment on it. The advice was something like:

-have him come home from work to search the house and he might be so annoyed he won’t do it again

-stage a break-in (but notify the police ahead of time so that you aren’t charged. This advice was legally iffy).

-tell him a horror story about someone in the area who was robbed/murdered/assaulted in their house when the door was unlocked

My advice? I have none. My Fiance still doesn’t understand why I freak out when we wake up and the door is unlocked. “But I was sleeping beside you…?” Yeah… I have now resorted to a checklist by the front door that he can look at before he goes to work, and at night time I am the one who makes sure the house is locked down. Growing up in a very safe area, he doesn’t understand my paranoia because we live in a SUPER safe area.

Post # 7
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Stage a break in? That seems very over the top.

Post # 8
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’d be really confused and angry too. that’s akin to leaving your house with the front door wide open.  but then again, we have found homeless people sleeping on our foyer and break-ins happen all the time around here (among other crimes). so I’d be pissed.

if your neighborhood is pretty safe, then maybe I could see how your SO would think it’s no big deal.

however, it’s a big deal to one of you and that’s all that matters. I’ve found that making an informed argument sticks with people better than laying into them.  

I’d suggest doing some research to show him some news articles about crimes (esp break-ins) that have happened around your neighborhood. specifically during the day, if you can find them.  maybe that will inspire him to be more careful. 

 

Post # 9
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KatyElle: I agree. I didn’t comment on the other thread, but I just think that idea is ridiculous – purposely scaring your Fiance and lying to them is not a good solution to any problem.

Post # 11
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Staging a fake break-in or continuing to try to scare him with horror stories is going to get you nowhere, IMO.

Is this the only time it’s happened? If so, I think he needs a little bit of a break here. I think we have all done something stupid like leave the garage door open once in our lives.

However, even if it was an honest mistake, you should explain to him that even if it doesn’t concern him, it really freaks you out. Even if he thinks it’s not a biggie, it obviously worried and upset you, which should have been enough for him to apologize and reassure you it won’t happen again.

Out of respect for you alone, he should make sure everything is shut and locked because he knows how you feel about it. 

Post # 12
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Wonderstruck: I’m allergic to pepper but I wouldn’t fake my own death if my husband accidentally sprinkled pepper on my meal haha!

Post # 13
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@xshellx2003: Thanks!

And I wasn’t saying the breakin was a good idea, but I know there were some other ideas that might help the OP.

Post # 14
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry here, but I disagree with the others. My husband is a cop so safety in our house is in overdrive and this is the #1 way burglars get in your house, not to mention other things I have heard of occurung. So yes it isunderstandable to be upset and angry and he does need to take responsibilty. Hell I get frustrated and upset bc our neighbors due this everyday and I feel it’s a welcome mat to crime in our area. If someone wants to disagree, check the stats! I understand a mistake but it seems to be a pattern for him compounded with his relaxed reactions to your being upset. No nothing did happen but it doesn’t mean it wont! I would be talking to him more and leaving notes as reminders. If he still can’t be responsible, he can park outside! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

we don’t lock our cars or doors so I’m having a bit of a hard time understanding this. 

Post # 16
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ugh, we are both careless sometimes.  He’s left the patio door unlocked after letting the dog out, and I’m upstairs sleeping after he goes to work so I come down and a lil freaked out cause anyone could have just walked in.  I’ve left it unlocked and gone to work too.  I’ve left the garage door open a few times too, and we dont lock the door between the garage and house.  It doesnt happen often, but everytime it does, you make sure to be more mindful the next time.  Hopefully he’ll start to remember and not be so careless after a few mistakes.

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