(Closed) FI CONSTANTLY late

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@iiiEllie:  My Fiance is late A LOT. It drives me nuts.

I don’t really have any advice. I typically just tell Fiance earlier times than necessary. He has been slowly improving the past 6 years, but I think it’s just the way he is. His family is the same

Post # 18
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know it’s not the same thing but my mum is someone who is constantly late for things, although she does seem to be getting better. When I was living at home, and able to drive, if we were doing something together that she really wanted to do then I would give her a time (usually before the actual leaving time, this was dependent on what the activity was) and then say to her if she wasn’t ready by that time then we wouldn’t be going. Not once did we ever not go anywhere – I would give her 5 minutes grace period after my actual leaving time and she was always ready by then. 

I know you can’t do the same thing with your fiancé but I do agree with a PP that if he is constantly late for things then tell him the plans are cancelled. If you are able to get a bus or walk to wherever you’re planning to go then do that. 

Post # 19
Member
3209 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m the late one in my relationship, so maybe I can tell you about how my SO coped with it. When we first started dating, we were very young and he didn’t have the car. There were many instances where he was out with a friend, got dropped off somewhere, and I was supposed to pick him up. I once left him stranded outdoors in the Canadian winter FOR TWO HOURS because I was late 🙁 

He initially started giving me earlier meeting times, so if I was late, we could still carry on with our plans. If that wasn’t feasible, he would either leave without me, or cancel our plans. By the time we were dating for a few years, I had learned to not be late for work/school/ meetings, and he became annoyed that I continued to be late to meet him. At this point, it was obvious that I COULD be on time, but I just didn’t care to show up on time for him, so he began to be late with me. IT SUCKED. I learned my lesson, but he continues to badger me with a timeline (“30 minutes to go, is your hair done?”) now. He’s also learned to live with it, and not have set in stone plans. I do my best to try to be on time now, and he doesn’t get upset with me if we’re late. And if it’s something important, then he continues to make sure I think it starts an hour before it really does. 

Post # 20
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Fiance is notorious for his lateness. Seriously, he says he’ll be home at 8, I know to add another hour onto that and that’s just him doing his 20 minute commute from work. I have no idea how he manages it.

Like a lot of PPs I tell my Fiance a time at least 30 minutes before we need to leave. However, I found that cancelling on him when he was late was more effective (unless he had a genuine reason). I’d wait 20 minutes, 30 at most, then text him and say if he wasn’t going to show then I was leaving. That sorted him out more quickly than anything!

Post # 21
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

How rude and inconsiderate! If he wanted to change, he would. But to continue to treat you like that shows total disrespect. I don’t think I could live with someone like that. It’s the same as the women who complain that their SO won’t clean or pay bills. Of course they CAN, they just prefer not to. You have to decide if you can be with someone like that forever.

Post # 22
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@iiiEllie:  No matter how hard I try, I’m always late for everything – I even have my doctor tell me my appointments are 20-30 minutes before they actually schedule them just bc something always comes up.  Fiance was a military brat and is super punctual, so it was a point of bickering at first but he’s become very understanding about it and I’ve really tried to work on it.  It honestly makes me feel so loved when he doesn’t get mad at me for it bc I stress out of my mind about upsetting people when I’m running behind and it’s a comfort to know I’ve got one person that isn’t going to rub it in my face at the end of the day.  I know not being punctual is my problem, not his, and I really do try every day to get better about it, but it is AMAZING to have someone that loves you unconditionally, annoying quirks included. 

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