Post # 1
I’ve been with my Fiance for almost 8 years and recently he has started to criticize me. He is a wonderful man, has never cheated on me, and is a great father to our son. But things he’s been saying sting.
For example, our venue emailed us the contract to sign and Mail back and I was super excited. I sat down with my Fiance and everything thing was fine until we put on a movie and he started complaining about how messy the house was when he got home.
He “jokingly” told me 10 things he dislikes about. I don’t remember them all but I know he was a bit serious about some of them because we’ve had arguments about some of these before.
He mentioned how I need to keep up with my feet. How I don’t clean well enough. How I need to stop buying a bunch a food and cooking things that I’m not good at. That I need to wash the dishes after I cook or I shouldn’t cook. How I don’t know how to dress. That I suck in bed.
I tried to eat it and keep smiling but it got to me so I walked away. He followed me and asked if I’m really mad and I said no I just need to go to sleep (it was 12:30am). So he said that I’m old and boring (I’m only 23).
Am I wrong for being upset? I’m not even excited to sign this contract anymore.
Post # 2
I hope your basic criteria for being a wonderful man and partner is more than that he doesn’t cheat on you. Based on your examples, he sounds truly horrible and controlling. This is a bigger deal than you are making it out to be. Run while you can.
Post # 3
hssweetheart : that’s really tough to hear and I am sure he wouldn’t want to hear you saying these awful things to him. I think you really need to evaluate your relationship especially before spending money on booking vendors.
Post # 4
no you’re not wrong for being upset. Constructive criticism is good, but saying things like “you suck in bed” and “you’re old and boring” without legit reasons and criticising you “jokingly” is not. He sounds childish. If he has issues with you, he should sit down and seriously, not jokingly, discuss about them without personally attacking you.
Ask him why is he even considering to marry you when he thinks you’re such a bad person to him.
I think you need to pause the whole wedding plan for a bit and re-evaluate your relationship tbh. More importantly, do you want your child to grow up in an environment where his mom is constantly criticised this way by her husband? He might even think this is the right way to treat girls in the long run.
Post # 5
Whats good about this guy?!
Post # 6
hssweetheart : You are not wrong and should not sign any contracts until his verbal assaults are dealt with. I dated a guy who started like this, criticizing my clothes, house keeping skills, etc, than one night over New Years ever we had a huge miscommunication over a PHONE CALL (He was right next to me while I was on the call!) and he tried to hit me. The only reason he didn’t make contact was because his friends grabbed him. Not to go all extreme, but I wanted you to know it is a possibility and once you are married, it’s a lot more difficult to get out.
It might also be that he is freaking out about the marriage and is taking out on you. Which is also not ok.
Post # 7
hssweetheart : Just based on this post, he sounds pretty bad. Is this new? How did the “10 things” come up? Regarding the house being messy, does he help clean, or are you a SAHM?
Post # 8
hssweetheart : No, just no. Honestly bee being a good father and not cheating on you is not even close to being good enough to describe him as a good partner. My heart would be absolutely broken if Darling Husband spoke to me like that and I would immediately want marriage counseling. If he refused to change I would leave. I think he should be able to voice concerns to you and depending on his tone I wouldn’t be upset over some of the things but saying you’re bad in bed? That’s just hateful and cruel.
Post # 9
hssweetheart : Sadly bee he doesn’t sound that wonderful, if he has issues he wants to discuss with you he needs to do them in a mature and loving way, not just rattle of a list of critisicms. I would not want to be with someone who treated me like that. Maybe you need to say with him if there are issues he wants you to work on TOGETHER then you are happy to talk about them like grown ups but you will not stand for being attacked and made to feel worthless. You are worth more than that.
Post # 10
You shouldn’t be comfortable signing any contracts right now. Tell him that yes, the mean things he said to you were hurtful and you are upset.
Bee, he does not sound like a wonderful man at all.
Let him hire a cleaning service and pick up takeout if he doesn’t like the way you clean or cook. Or better yet, he can do it. The other issues are more troublesome. If he doesn’t like the way you look and thinks you’re old, boring and suck in bed why is he marrying you? Why would you marry him?
I agree with PPs who state this is not the type of relationship you want to model for your son.
Post # 11
Most relationships that start at 15 arent going to last happily for a lifetime. At 23 you are just starting to figure out who you truely are. I think one day you will find ‘the one’ for you.
Post # 12
hssweetheart : I’ll bet that contract would make nice confetti.
Post # 13
What the heck does “keep up with my feet” mean? Pedicure? He can go pay for it then.
Post # 14
How is he a wonderful man? Not one thing you’ve described makes him sound even half way decent. He’s a good father? Great.. But, he talks to you like shit. You deserve better.
Post # 15
I’m worried for you- why do you feel like you have to keep smiling and act like you’re not mad at him after he said horrible things to you? If he said them ‘jokingly’, then that’s passive-aggressive AF ’cause there’s nothing humourous in his words.
IF he has any legtimate issues with you, he should talk to you seriously but decently, not disguise them as ‘jokes’ or say things that put you down and disrespect you. But it sounds like even when you try, he criticizes your efforts (like saying you buy food to cook things you’re not good at)
This man doesn’t sound wonderful, I wouldn’t go ahead with a marriage to someone who belittled me like that.