(Closed) FI criticizing me

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
7967 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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hssweetheart :  So you work full time AND go to school AND you’re raising a child? And he’s upset you haven’t had a recent pedicure, let alone all of the other BS?

Best case scenario he has cold feet and he’s lashing out because he doesn’t know how to communicate with you how he is feeling. Worst case scenario he’s an abusive, terrible man. Either way you need to sit down for a serious discussion and if that doesn’t go anywhere please consider your options. Hugs.

Post # 33
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

I like how these kinds of posts start off with, notions that suggest he is wonderful and what not but then — BAM! Some kind of abuse or questionable behavior statement. He obviously has you under his thumb when you’re even questioning if it is okay that his mean superficial comments make you upset. 

Next!

Post # 34
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

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hssweetheart :  Freudian slip. You said “coward.”

Post # 35
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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hssweetheart :  All peoples ex’s were their “best friend” at one time… my ex was my best friend and I’m sooo glad I didnt let that stop me from dumping his ass when enough was enough.

Post # 36
Member
1520 posts
Bumble bee

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hssweetheart :  All I could think was… Wow. I would be livid if my fiance talked to me like that and criticised me in that way, in fact I would most likely have walked. What parts had he told you to improve on before? In the less ‘jokingly’ manner. 

There is constructive criticism but then there’s just being nasty and horrible. Why the hell should you be made to feel like you have to do all the cleaning and cooking? You work full time and study part time, it’s not like you haven’t got nothing to do! If he doesn’t like your cooking then he can bloody do it himself. As for the sex thing… That was just a horrible thing to say, I don’t even get why he would say that as a joke. Is it supposed to make you feel good about yourself or something? Not! I also don’t like how he is commenting about your appearance, that’s just rude and I think that’s horrible how he is trying to knock your confidence. I would feel like… Why isn’t how I look good enough already? Why is he trying to change me? There’s putting in effort and this.

Does he keep himself all well maintained? For all these things he’s commenting about you I would be wondering whether he’s doing that himself! It shouldn’t be all on you. How he’s beijf is almost sounding abusive to me. 

Post # 37
Member
424 posts
Helper bee

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hssweetheart :  None of that matters. None of that makes up for how he talks to you. One of the awful things about abusive relationships is that it’s so easy to hold on to the “good” parts and use them as justification that they’re actually ‘wonderful’, as you described.

But it’s not true. He is not wonderful at all.

Post # 38
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

WTH?? If this behavior on the part of your Fiance is sudden and new, I would seriously wonder if he recently sustained a traumatic brain injury or if there was something else going on medically that would account for the change in behavior. If it’s not new, then he’s incredibly cruel and disrespectful

Post # 39
Member
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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hssweetheart :  I feel sorry for you if you think its okay for your “best friend” to treat you like garbage.

The things you just said are exactly what abused women say about their abusers.

Post # 41
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

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ktsteimel :  Indeed! “He’s my best friend BUT..” “He’s wonderful BUT…”

Post # 42
Member
10210 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He may have reached the point in the relationship where he feels that he “has” the OP and can show his true self.  A very common pattern with abusers.

Post # 43
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

He is your best friend because he verbally abuses you and makes you feel like garbage and that that you should be lucky to have him.  If only fixed a.b.c.d.e.f.g.h etc… you would be worthier. From ages 15-23 this man has conditioned you to think the way you do and makes you believe this is a normal relationship.  And that’s sad. This isn’t right. 

Post # 44
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

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sassy411 :  I am beginning to think that too based on OPs newer comment…

Post # 45
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee

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hssweetheart :  “Let me clarify. It’s my favorite food. I look foward to eating it at the end of the day. The explosive diarrhea and anaphylactic shock is that only bad part even though it’s a pretty serious part.”

Your Fiance is an abusive asshole. Period. People who want to maintain healthy relationships don’t belittle and verbally abuse their partner. Doesn’t matter if he did it with a smile on his face or pretended to care whether or not you were mad about it afterwards. He enjoys hurting you and you just showed him that you will accept that treatment. 

Would you think it’s okay for him to speak to your child this way? Would you tell your son “Oh he was just joking” if your Fiance smiled in his face and rattled off a list of things he doesn’t like about him that he needs to be better at?

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