Post # 1
My fiance is really starting to make me mad. He keeps critizing everything in our wedding! I showed him a pic of the dress I wanted to get and he says he doesnt really care for it. I had to drop off one of the bridesmaids dresses at his house for his cousin to pick up cause shes one of my girls and he said it was ugly! He doesnt like the place or the flowers or the idea for the cake or the guy i like for the photographer! I realize its wedding too, but he hasnt paid for anything in the wedding so far other then the security deposit for the place. besides i’ve asked him every step of the way what he likes before i got it and he just says he doesnt care. So as far as im concerned if he’s not paying and he “doesnt care” then he shouldnt be critizing everything! Any ideas how i can get him to stop?
Post # 3
First, ask him if something else is bothering him; if so, resolve the root issue first. Then, give him some tasks to take care of 100% on his own. Tell him you get veto power after he makes a choice but BEFORE he pays for it. Tell him you’ll extend him the same courtesy, but there is NO whining after something has been paid for.
And if I may be so bold, reconsider your existing choices, right on down to the groom. At least in your short rant, you haven’t exactly said anything nice about him, either.
Post # 4
Well, have you asked him what exactly he doesn’t like about what you’re picking? For example, my fiance’s style is very clean and modern. He hates frills and fussy details. So I’ve taken my love for fussy details down a notch, and he’s accepted a certain level of frills and bling. If he didn’t like the venue, did he mention that before he wrote a check for it? I’d sit down and ask him what’s going on. It may just be that he’s stressed and being snippy about everything right now.
Post # 5
@jbbs1222: I might further discuss with him that if he wants his opinions heard, he needs to tell you what they are before you make decisions. My Fiance wants to be very involved in our wedding and I am thrilled about this. It makes things a little trickier for me because I can’t just go ahead and plan things the way I want, but in the end we compromise and both will wind up with a wedding we are happy with. It isn’t fair for him to not give his opinion and then criticize what you do though.
However, I personally get nervous when people say that what you pay toward a wedding should determine how much say you get. Maybe that is because due to our personal finance situation, our wedding is being funded predominantly by my Fiance and my parents and I would get no say in my own wedding if we went by this standard. I think the people who are in the wedding or hosting the wedding (so the bride, groom, bride’s parents and groom’s parents) should all have a say in what the wedding is like, regardless of the extent they are funding it.
Post # 6
@jbbs1222: something else is bothering him i have a guy who doesnt care for details i just went with our fav colors and worked off of that i do all things wedding now
Post # 7
Is it possible he’s reconsidering the wedding? I’m not trying to be rude, but the fact that the’s openly dissing everything you come up with, to me, says this is not about colors or flowers at all. I’m not trying to say that’s the only option, he may also be annoyed that he isn’t allowed to help make decisions for the wedding or he feels left out or it may be something completely unrelated to the wedding all together.
I think a heart to heart is in order. Ask him how he envisions the wedding. Give him a chance to tell you everything he would have if he could make all the decisions. Then explain your vision. Then, try to meet in the middle somewhere. If this is about him feeling left out, then I think allowing him to make some decisions would go a long way.
Post # 8
My husband was the same way — he wasn’t interested in helping me make decisions, but then once I had it all figured out, he suddenly was all up in my grill telling me he didn’t like this or that. I basically just gave him a choice: he could either 1) HELP ME make these decisions and have his voice be heard, or 2) shut up and accept whatever I picked. Once he realized how much his negativity and shooting everything down was stressing me out, he knocked it off. Meanwhile, I let him completely design a few things (oddly enough, he was REALLY into designing table decor … ??) so he could claim those as his even though 90% of the other stuff was all my choice and my taste!
Post # 9
@jbbs1222: stop asking for his opinion. Worked for me.
Post # 10
+1 Yes, for heaven’s sake STOP with telling him every detail!
What you are describing would irritate the crap out of me. I would tell him either become actively involved in the decision making process and help pay for the wedding or relax and leave you alone.
Post # 11
We had this problem in the beginning. He told me he didn’t have any preference toward the wedding. I would spend tons of time looking up ideas, then I’d show him one I was excited for and he’d hate it!
I told him, “No, this isn’t how this works. Either you don’t care and I pick everything or you do care and you help me along the way.” I refused to plan it by myself from that point foward and now that we pick everything (aside from my dress) out together, it’s been great. We’re both less frustrated.
I think guys want to just let us do it, because planning a wedding is a lot of work and can cause a lot of petty disagreements. But really, it’s our day not just mine. So why shouldn’t they actively participate in the planning process?
Post # 12
I agree with everyone before me. He can either take ownership and help out, or shut up about it, all or nothing. (That said if he chooses to help you need to make sure you value and accept his opinions and work towards a compromise). If he isn’t helping, he’s hurting you!
Also I agree that there is likely something else on his mind and this is his passive aggressive way of telling you. I hate it when the men in my life do that, or anyone for that matter!
Post # 13
Thanks for the suggestions. ive actually tried lot of these already like not talking about it as much, asking him for his opinions, ask him to help out, and telling him to just shut up about it. And yes so far I am the only one paying for everything. our parents arent getting involved at all so were on our own. Ive even asked if he really does want to get married and he always says he does. the problem seems to be he thinks we can afford a big fancy wedding. His parents had over 700 guest so he wants to out do them…YEH NO!!! i told him if he can find a way to pay then have fun! but as im paying for everything so far we’re getting what i can afford which is cheap! i stopped asking about most stuff but bigger stuff that effects him too i still ask. usually is still “dont care” or “its so far away, why are you planning this now?” doesnt seem to get weddings take a long time to plan! grrrrrr! I love him. i really do. but this is kinda driving me nuts that he wont give me a straight answer and wont realize we cant afford a huge wedding.
Post # 14
Same experience here with my fiance. Hehe
Post # 15
why isnt he paying for anything?
Post # 16
He doesnt have a job. So far he has paid for the security deposit for our venue. I dont have a job either but for the most part everything I’ve got so far is for me like my dress, accesories, etc. I expect him to help with the food and cake and he says he’ll pay for the photographer and he’s making the invites himself cause hes a graphic designer. Just the stuff he’s paying for hasnt come up yet.