(Closed) FI critizing everything in the wedding!

posted 5 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
495 posts
Helper bee

First, ask him if something else is bothering him; if so, resolve the root issue first. Then, give him some tasks to take care of 100% on his own. Tell him you get veto power after he makes a choice but BEFORE he pays for it. Tell him you’ll extend him the same courtesy, but there is NO whining after something has been paid for.

 

And if I may be so bold, reconsider your existing choices, right on down to the groom. At least in your short rant, you haven’t exactly said anything nice about him, either.

Post # 4
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well, have you asked him what exactly he doesn’t like about what you’re picking?   For example, my fiance’s style is very clean and modern.  He hates frills and fussy details.  So I’ve taken my love for fussy details down a notch, and he’s accepted a certain level of frills and bling.  If he didn’t like the venue, did he mention that before he wrote a check for it?  I’d sit down and ask him what’s going on.  It may just be that he’s stressed and being snippy about everything right now.

Post # 5
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jbbs1222:  I might further discuss with him that if he wants his opinions heard, he needs to tell you what they are before you make decisions.  My Fiance wants to be very involved in our wedding and I am thrilled about this.  It makes things a little trickier for me because I can’t just go ahead and plan things the way I want, but in the end we compromise and both will wind up with a wedding we are happy with.  It isn’t fair for him to not give his opinion and then criticize what you do though.  

However, I personally get nervous when people say that what you pay toward a wedding should determine how much say you get.  Maybe that is because due to our personal finance situation,  our wedding is being funded predominantly by my Fiance and my parents and I would get no say in my own wedding if we went by this standard.  I think the people who are in the wedding or hosting the wedding (so the bride, groom, bride’s parents and groom’s parents) should all have a say in what the wedding is like, regardless of the extent they are funding it.

Post # 6
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2004

@jbbs1222:  something else is bothering him i have a guy who doesnt care for details i just went with our fav colors and worked off of that i do all things wedding now

Post # 7
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Is it possible he’s reconsidering the wedding?  I’m not trying to be rude, but the fact that the’s openly dissing everything you come up with, to me, says this is not about colors or flowers at all.  I’m not trying to say that’s the only option, he may also be annoyed that he isn’t allowed to help make decisions for the wedding or he feels left out or it may be something completely unrelated to the wedding all together.

I think a heart to heart is in order.  Ask him how he envisions the wedding.  Give him a chance to tell you everything he would have if he could make all the decisions.  Then explain your vision.  Then, try to meet in the middle somewhere.  If this is about him feeling left out, then I think allowing him to make some decisions would go a long way.  

Post # 8
Member
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My husband was the same way — he wasn’t interested in helping me make decisions, but then once I had it all figured out, he suddenly was all up in my grill telling me he didn’t like this or that. I basically just gave him a choice: he could either 1) HELP ME make these decisions and have his voice be heard, or 2) shut up and accept whatever I picked. Once he realized how much his negativity and shooting everything down was stressing me out, he knocked it off. Meanwhile, I let him completely design a few things (oddly enough, he was REALLY into designing table decor … ??) so he could claim those as his even though 90% of the other stuff was all my choice and my taste!

Post # 9
Member
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@jbbs1222:  stop asking for his opinion. Worked for me.

Post # 10
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Aquaria:  +1 Yes, for heaven’s sake STOP with telling him every detail!

 What you are describing would irritate the crap out of me. I would tell him either become actively involved in the decision making process and help pay for the wedding or relax and leave you alone.

Post # 11
Member
986 posts
Busy bee

We had this problem in the beginning.  He told me he didn’t have any preference toward the wedding.  I would spend tons of time looking up ideas, then I’d show him one I was excited for and he’d hate it!  

I told him, “No, this isn’t how this works.  Either you don’t care and I pick everything or you do care and you help me along the way.”  I refused to plan it by myself from that point foward and now that we pick everything (aside from my dress) out together, it’s been great. We’re both less frustrated.  

I think guys want to just let us do it, because planning a wedding is a lot of work and can cause a lot of petty disagreements.  But really, it’s our day not just mine.  So why shouldn’t they actively participate in the planning process?

Post # 12
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with everyone before me. He can either take ownership and help out, or shut up about it, all or nothing. (That said if he chooses to help you need to make sure you value and accept his opinions and work towards a compromise). If he isn’t helping, he’s hurting you! 

Also I agree that there is likely something else on his mind and this is his passive aggressive way of telling you. I hate it when the men in my life do that, or anyone for that matter! 

Post # 14
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Same experience here with my fiance.  Hehe

Post # 15
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@jbbs1222:  why isnt he paying for anything?

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