(Closed) FI did something stupid to "intentially hurt my feelings" (long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Your Fiance is way, way too immature to be getting married. It would be one thing if he had done this, and then seen how petty and idiotic it was, and apologized. But he’s basically doubled down on it? No. 

I would try having one more conversation about it and see if he has realized how childish it was. If not, I would call a halt to wedding planning and rethink marying him.

Post # 4
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t really understand why he would be so vindictive (sounds middle schoolish to me), but I think if you want this to go forward you should tell him that he needs to be more open with you in regards to his feelings instead of playing these….games.  You are no mind-reader and neither is he. He should also apologize.

Post # 5
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow, that is extremely immature of him… First of all, it’s completely irrational and immature to get mad at you for not calling him to wish him goodnight, after you have already done so. Second of all, planning a revengeful act against you to make you feel what he felt, is…just… I have no words…It’s just stupid. Sorry, but he acted very very immature.

The fact that you say that he’s never done anything to intentially hurt your feelings, but does so now that you’re engaged make me agree with many things in your last paragraph. He very well may be feeling his ego boosting now that you’re engaged. Maybe he is starting to feel that he can control you and can push you to see how you’d react…. Sorry but that is wrong of him, on so many levels.

You’re right – engagement is a step forward. It should impact the relationship only in the most positive way – it’s a way for you both to grow. In this case, his immaturity is saying otherwise…

I’m sorry 🙁

Post # 6
Member
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with everything you said. I’m sure he wouldn’t like it if you told him that you tried to hurt his feelings on purpose. Relationships aren’t about winning and “teaching lessons”. He’s acting childish.

Post # 7
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  +1!

Relationship is not a competition, with no winners or losers. Getting back at you (regardless of the situation, but in this case it is over something completely childish), is just evidence that he lacks the maturity to move forward….

Definitely call him out on this. Have a conversation when you’re not as angry. Tell him that if he feels hurt by something, he should be open and tell you!

Post # 8
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

That is incredibly childish of him.

Post # 9
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

That’s incredible.  He’s either being ridiculously immature, or really is that petty and vindictive…Hmm, I’ll agree with a previous poster and pick option C: testing the waters.  Perhaps he is seeing how far he can pull crap like this with you and start grooming you to be more submissive and “punishable?”  What if you made it crystal clear that in the future he can tell you honest, in-the-moment concerns or complaints and you will do everything you can to address them; but if he ever bottles up, deceives you about being mad, or exacts “revenge” on you, you are out the door YESTERDAY?  Would that snap him out of this?  

Post # 10
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Wow. Don’t marry him. He sounds super immature.

Post # 11
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This seems incredibly childish and immature, as PPs have already noted. I’m actually having a hard time getting my head around his reasoning. I think you need to sit him down for a proper talk. I’m no expert, but to me a successful marriage requires communication and openness, not tit-for-tat vindictiveness when one party feels they have been injured. If he feels hurt by something you’ve said or done, he needs to tell you, not exact petty revenge!

Post # 12
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Wow, what a petty and immature thing to do!  How old is your FI?

Seriously.  He was upset at something that is really insignifigant, and he intentionally tried to “hurt” you instead of communicating with you about it?  How will you ever get through real problems?

Gah.  I just can’t get over it.  That is ridiculous.

Post # 15
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@anonym1:  When you talk to him, please don’t forget to update us! 

Post # 16
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@anonym1:  He’s 28??? Honestly the way he acted, and from the way you described it, he honestly sounds like he is much, much, much younger…. just…wow…

The topic ‘FI did something stupid to "intentially hurt my feelings" (long)’ is closed to new replies.

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