(Closed) FI doesn't shower as often as I'd like…

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
9667 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Is there a middle ground you can both agree on? Both of you are being a bit extreme, can you get him to agree on once every two days, and then hopefully increase that to once a day? And to compromise, perhaps do washing once or twice a week, not every day, and wash your hair every second day.

Post # 4
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off, taking care of one’s personal hygiene is a MATURE thing to do.

As a man he should have figured this out YEARS AGO when he was a teenage boy… what he is doing is very IMMATURE… something that us Moms (I am over 50) are the ones that have to deal with in regards to our Teenage Sons.

Not something that a Girlfriend, Fiance or Wife, EVER should have to deal with. 

So, IF it was me in your shoes, I’d broach this subject with him ONE MORE TIME

And this is exactly what I’d tell him.

“Cleanliness & Personal Hygiene is VERY Important to me.  Beyond looking and smelling nice, I also believe it to be a health issue.  IF I wasn’t to take care of myself … parts of me would quite obviously begin to give off an odor… my pits, under my boobs, my vajayjay, my butt.  Nasty stuff would begin to “breed” in this warmer moister areas of my body… and besides the smell, it would also mean that I might develop a rash, yeast infection etc.  Trust me you would notice.  You wouldn’t be that keen to want to get close to me, have sex with me.  I would be waaaay too funky.

Honey, this is where I am with you.  When you don’t shower, I think you smell.  And when you smell I don’t want to be close / intimate / sexual with you.  And because smell is such a key trigger in life / psychology, trust me, if you smell bad, that is what my psyche is going to remember, and our sex life will come to a grinding halt.  I’m not interested in getting sexy with someone who is funky smelling, or breeding some sort of fungus.  NOT GOING TO HAPPEN !!

You want a happy sex life… you are going to have to shower as a minium once per day.  And change your Undies & Socks to boot.  No more multi days between Showers or Clothing Changes.  Period.”

And then I’d be done.

He either changes his ways, or the writing is on the wall, regarding the intimacy of this relationship.  His choice.  If he showers every day for a week he gets sex.  If he doesn’t, no sex.

I mean really beyond the funk… WHY would you want to put your delicate womanly parts (or your mouth) at risk rubbing up against someone’s JUNK that is “growing bacteria” at an accelerated rate.  Ummm, no.  Yeast Infections SUCK, I wouldn’t be INTENTIONALLY INVITING ONE FOR A VISIT.  Ever.

(( HUGS ))


Post # 5
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@TopazTurtle:  in my house, we shower at least once a day – always at night sometimes in the morning. I can’t go 24 hours without showering and neither can Fiance. 

Post # 6
7271 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think you are being too extreme about the showering, I think as an adult he should be showering every day. I can see maybe every other day if he doesn’t work up a sweat.

Do you mean you wash clothes everyday? Because I think that part is a bit extreme. I do usually wash mine after two wearings (if I didn’t sweat in them) and Darling Husband wears his clothes quite a few times. I usually don’t bug him about it unless they start to smell.

Post # 7
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Twice a week?! Yeah… That’s not enough lol. Maybe you could get him to agree to once every other day and he  can work up from there?

It does sound like you might be a bit extreme so I wouldn’t expect him to conform to your routine, but he definitely needs to be showering more than that! He’s a grown man!

Honestly if it was my Fiance I’d just say, “you need to start showering more often. Its creeping me out” or blatantly “I can smell you, you need to shower!” If my Fiance has been working around the house and sweating I will just tell him that he stinks and to go take a shower. Unless your guy is super sensitive I’m sure he won’t crumble into pieces if you address it.

Post # 8
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@TopazTurtle:  Are you living my life?! My Fiance showers once a week if he can is it’s disgusting! I don’t understand how he cannot smell myself!!! I shower twice a day because I cycle to and from work but even so I don’t understand how he doesn’t feel grubby.

If you find a miracle cure please please please let me know.

Post # 9
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@This Time Round:  +1000. Everything she said is perfect and I couldn’t agree more. I don’t usually support withholding sex, but you totally shouldn’t have to go to bed with a stinky, dirty man.

I do think you’re a little extreme in your hygene stuff though. It’s actually better for your hair to not wash it every day (unless you’re sweaty or dirty), and washing laundry doesn’t have to be an everyday thing either. It’s possible that he’s rebelling because you’re driving him a little crazy.


Post # 10
2716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@TopazTurtle:  Showering once or twice a week is only acceptable if you are wandering around in the wilderness where the water is either frozen or recently thawed or it’s finals week in college.

I don’t think one needs to shower every day, (I personally shower every other day unless I’m smelly, dirty, or sweaty), but you need to shower more than twice a week.  I think you should try and get him up to every other day.  Say “Babe, I love you, but you need to shower at least every other day.  I know you can’t smell you, but I can.  And if I can, other people can too.”  You can even tell him that women have a stronger sense of smell so it would make sense that you could smell things he can’t.

If that doesn’t work, I’d try This Time Round’s idea.

Post # 13
1405 posts
Bumble bee

Is this a new behavior? 


He is a grown man.  Tell him other people smell him and it is offensive.  


Post # 15
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@This Time Round:  I agree with all of this. Especially the part where he’s acting like a child, and that this should have been sorted out by his MOM before he became an adult. This isn’t something you should have to deal with as his SO.

Honestly, I would be completely turned off by this. Not just because it’s gross in and of itself, but because I’m really turned off by guys who don’t act like adult men. If a guy couldn’t take care of himself (keep himself and his clothes clean, keep his house clean, hold down a job, pick out appropriate clothes for an event, etc.) I wouldn’t be interested in dating him. Or being friends with him. I like my friends to be adults too.

Your SO needs to grow up. It would completely squick me out to have sex with someone I perceived as behaving like a child. If he wants to take part in adult activities like dating and sex, he needs to act like an adult. That means taking a shower every day (or every other day if that compromise is acceptable to you).

Post # 16
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@TopazTurtle:  I shower and wash my hair daily, my husband showers at least once a day.  I honestly don’t think it’s normal to go more than 2 days without a shower unless it’s something medical (i.e. skin condition, illness, etc).

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