(Closed) FI doesn’t want a stripper… but my dad does!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it’s really disrespectful of your father – both to you AND your Fiance – to insist on this. That’s just really weird and kind of creepy. Can you or your Fiance talk to your other male family members about it and explain that Fiance really doesn’t want a stripper and it’s not coming from you? And the more I think about it the more f**ked up it is that your father would do this thinking he’s going against your wishes. How close are you with your father? Can you tell him his being a jerk and to back off? If you have that relationship with him then seriously give him a piece of your mind. So disrespectful to you. I can’t even fathom this. Are your parents still married (i.e. is he single?) – even then it’s still not OK but makes a little more sense. Actually scratch that. It makes no sense. Good luck with this one!

Post # 4
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Uhhh that’s okay, my Future Mother-In-Law offered to go to a strip club with my fiance and his Groomsmen because I couldn’t be upset if it was a “family outing” (her actual words.)

SERIOUSLY?!

But to answer your question, I would sit down and have a serious talk with your dad and explain that NEITHER of you are comfortable with a stripper, not just you. He needs to understand that you two are serious about this and you would be hurt if he didn’t respect your feelings.

Post # 5
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Good g-d your father is an adult and needs to start acting like one.  If he wants a strip show, he can drive himself any night of the week to a strip club.

As to your Fiance, maybe he shouldn’t go? Or go and just tell the stripper to focus on your Dad and the other guys in your family?

What a creepy situation. I feel for you.

 

Post # 6
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I learned from my FIs party that you can’t.  If someone else wants a stripper there and is willing to pay for it, then it’s likely happening despite your protests.  We both learned at our respective parties that sometimes YOUR party, is not so much about you.  Fiance requested no strippers at his and two showed up. 

I think your FIs best bet is to just do his best to politely decline the attention or better yet, ask one of his buddies, who IS ok with strippers in advance to take one for the team and be center of attention. 

Good luck! 

Post # 8
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Am I the only one who thinks it’s completely creepy for parents to be at bachelor/bachelorette parties?

 

@Irislilac: IMO, it’s completely reasonable to exclude your father from all bachelor party proceedings. And frankly, considering the way your dad completely disrespects you and your FI’s wishes, I wouldnt waste too much time worrying about him feeling slighted. Seriously, time for him to grow up a bit.

Also, re your BIL’s party – BARFTASTIC!!

 

Post # 9
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@Iris  — um, your BIL should have kept that from happening!!  Ew!  Yes, your dad could have and should have stopped it, but we’re all ultimately responsible for our own actions!

I know I said before that you might not have a choice if the party goes forward, but with that additional detail, I think you need to tell the your Fiance already had his Bachelor Party and you guys are all good and done and shut down the party.

Better drama with your family than drama between you and your Fiance if it goes forward and things get out of hand!   

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

True story, my mom paid for the stripper at my bachelorette party. She told my Maid/Matron of Honor it wasn’t a bachelorette party unless there was a stripper!

My mom is funny sometimes =P. It was a surprise, though! And, he harassed all of us, so it was all in good fun. He even gave my mom a sexy shoulder rub and we all had a good laugh at that. It was the cheesiest thing ever.

if they insist on a stripper, your Fiance shouldn’t go. If you BOTH don’t want one, i don’t see why your dad is insisting on one. Unless his thought is like my mom’s–all in good fun and/or it’s ‘traditional’. He’s probably being good natured about it (benefit of the doubt–i don’t know him and i know my mom isn’t creepy and gross) but the fact that you’ve already told him NO is the big problem. I didn’t tell anyone no for my parties. But if i had and she did it anyways? I’d be livid. You have EVERY right. Definitely get this straightened out asap!

Post # 11
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

wow! i am so sorry! that is so aweful. if he doesn’t want it, then your dad must really want an excuse to hire one…i would tell him absolutely not or he’s not cominf to the bachelor party! it’s not fair to put your man in that position.

Post # 12
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think that you should use your BIL’s bachelor party as an example of why your Fiance doesn’t want one.  Especially because I’m assuming that your BIL will be in attendance at your FI’s party.  PS does your sister have any idea that happened?

Post # 13
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

Oh man, your dad watched his own daughter’s future husband get oral sex from a stripper? That’s so beyond my comprehension.

I say boycott.

Post # 14
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh i just reread that one of the Groomsmen told your sister.  I’m surprised she didn’t absolutely freak out!  I think I would have been calling off the wedding.

Post # 15
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

After hearing the story about your BIL. I would say don’t go. It’s not worth amusing your dad by having the stripper there. Especially if there’s a potential of what happened at your BIL’s party. I can’t even fathom a father who would put her daughter through that.

Post # 16
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

WOW. The 2nd store about BIL and stripper is just downright creepy and not acceptable whatsoever. Did your sister find out AFTER the wedding happened or before? I just watched an uncensored version of Showgirls last night at a bar and now I have images of Elizabeth Berkeley stripping at Cheetahs in my head after read this. LOL

Your Fiance would most certainly not be okay with anything like that happening. Is there anyway that your male family members can get through to your father? Do you have a brother or an uncle or a cousin… SOMEONE who can reason with him? Because if not… maybe your Fiance can kindly suggest that he’s prefer to cancel the event and just have the male family meet him up for drinks before the wedding.

 

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