(Closed) FI doesn’t want me to pick out my band

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Not quite, but whenever my fiance and I disagree about how we should do something with the wedding I don’t expend a bunch of energy arguing with him about why we should do things my way.  Instead I make a quick mock up and let him check it out (without any pressure!)  Guys tend to be much more visual so that really helps him.  For example, he was dead set against black dresses for the bridesmaids until I hung up a random LBD, a white dress and his wedding suit up on the bedroom door.  After a half hour or so I asked him what he thought and he admitted it all looked really good together and that he was ok with the dresses we had found. 

Maybe instead of telling him you want more diamonds, go and try on rings together and be sure to try on all different styles.  Just seeing the rings next to each other and what looks best may be enough to convince him. 

I actually wanted a plain band but none of them looked right next to my engagement ring.  I think it’s a lot like wedding dresses, you don’t really know until you try them on. 

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You never know what will look good until you try them on with your ring. A plain band looked bad with my Engagement Ring. It DID get lost. A diamond band looked best with mine. My Fiance just kind of laughed about "more diamonds" but in the end, he was very, "well it looks the best and that’s important".

You definitely want to go try stuff on. They have so many shapes and styles nowadays that you may be completely surprised by what looks good. Plus, a plain band doesn’t always sit well butted up against your engagement ring. If it doesn’t sit flush (sometimes it has to be made to order), it rocks funny on your finger and sits sideways. 

Post # 5
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Is your fiance feeling self-conscious about the ring he got you? It sounds like he is embarrassed by it, or insecure that you don’t like it.

I agree to put off the discussion until you can go wedding band shopping together. Then try on different styles and see what looks best. Hopefully once you see things on it will shape your opinions together (and maybe in ways you didn’t even imagine!). Then if you do pick something with diamonds it will be a joint choice (so at least a little bit his) and he’ll feel better about it.

Post # 6
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I have a similar dilemna.

I didn’t pick out my engagement ring (though it’s perfect) and from the beginning my fiance has told me he’ll take care of getting the wedding bands. My ring is a traditional Irish claddaugh ring and my fiance says there’s a custom wedding band that’s cut to fit with it. He seems pretty set on it, so I don’t want to hurt him by suggesting that I pick the ring, but I looked up the ring online and found the set and I’m not sure I like it (it’s wide and wavy). I’m thinking I’d rather get a simple gold band, even if it won’t fit perfectly with the ring (and it would actually be cheaper, too). 

Here’s a picture of the rings:

Any thoughts?

[attachment=194529,16476]

Post # 7
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

 Maybe your fiance thinks that you want something "better" than a plain band, when in reality, what you want is necessarily "better" or more expensive, just different? He might not be offended if you can help him understand that.

 

I have a 3 stone platinum engagement ring, and I thought I wanted a plain platinum band, but when I tried that on, it looked odd. I ended up getting a wedding band with pave diamonds on it and it was actually the same price as the plain platinum band.

Post # 9
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

@MaybeeBecca—I would be unsure too about the matching wedding band you showed—I would prefer a regular band too. Maybe you could tell him you want to wear your engagement ring on your right hand after the wedding (at least sometimes) and have wedding rings that match each other’s. He might really like the idea of you two having matching bands.

Post # 10
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

@MaybeeBecca — I just got my band.  It’s curved to fit around my e-ring.  At first, when the jeweler suggested  curved band, I thought it was weird-looking and didn’t like it.  But when you try on a curved one and a plain one with the e-ring, you can really tell the difference.  My band doesn’t LOOK curvy at all when worn with the e-ring, it just looks like they fit together nicely.  If you get just a plain gold band, you might get a weird space between the two rings where they don’t fit together, so I’d suggest you at least try on a ring that’s cut to fit with the e-ring.  

The band you have a picture of does look pretty wide, and maybe you’re also disliking that it’s wavy on both sides — if you got a thinner band that is only cut to fit the e-ring on one side, then straight on the other, you might like that better.  A lot of jewelers do custom work for pretty much the same price as pre-fab stuff, so it’s worth looking into.  

Post # 11
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Okay,  this is a tough situation…  But I really think that your Fiance needs to realize that whatever type of wedding band you choose, it is not because your Engagement Ring isn’t good enough!  The wedding band shoud be chosen for personal reasons (which you expressed) and mainly to compliment your Engagement Ring.  

Darling Husband and I spent a LOT of time choosing our wedding bands because we both really wanted the other to love their wedding band.  I believe that your Fiance really wants this for you too, he just needs to understand the reasons behind your interest in a diamond band.  I really believe that each person should choose the ring that he/she will wear every day for the rest of his/her life!!!   I’m sure once you go ring shopping together and express your wants/needs he will come around 🙂

Good luck and happy planning!

Post # 12
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I ended up talking to my fiance and we decided to go with a plain band. We just went and bought it on Wednesday!!! (yeah, I’m a bit excited :-D). He ordered a wedding band with a claddaugh on it to match my engagement ring.

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