(Closed) FI doesn’t want to help pay for wedding…do I call it off?

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@speechgal44:  Whoa.  You two are engaged, but there’s no combination of money whatsoever?  I’m all for having our own personal money, but we’re two adults that are financially responsible for things we experience together.  

I’d say call off the wedding then.  Obviously he has no interest whatsoever.  I hope your counseling will help out in the long run.

Post # 4
Member
27 posts
Newbee

sorry, this is really sucky! 🙁 sounds like there are some bigger issues going on. perhaps it would be a good idea to postpone a bit so that you both can work together to save up some cash. in the meantime, you can continue the counseling and talking about how you will sort out your differences.

Post # 5
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@speechgal44:  Its good that you are in counseling. Have you already placed deposits for your venue and vendors?

Post # 6
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@speechgal44:  Do you feel like he actually wants to get married or do you think not paying is his way to put it off?

Post # 7
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, I’m so sorry but this would be a total dealbreaker for me. Regardless of his hobby and what you said he should be willing to spend that money on the wedding instead for now. Even a backyard wedding costs money, and it’s incredibly selfish of him to not want to help at all.

Post # 9
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Compromise is a the secret to a happy marriage. Both of you need to find a way to compromise on this wedding. It’s really not okay for him to just dig in his heels and refuse to pay because it’s not exactly what he wants.

Post # 10
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would at least postpone….Work on your issues in counseling and see where that leads.  Do not go into a marrige unsure of anything…I did that years ago and it haunts me to this day!! Good luck…hope things work out!

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Whoa. So what’s it going to be like in the future when there’s some sort of emergency and you NEED money for car repairs, medical bills, etc.? Is he just going to tell you it’s not his problem or for him so it’s on you to pay for it? This would raise a HUGE red flag for me as far as what your marriage will be like. At the very least, premarital counseling is seriously called for…though I’m sure he’ll insist you pay for that too.

Post # 13
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like he is not wanting to be a team, it’s all about just what he wants. Sorry but issues like this are not good for a marriage.

Post # 16
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Finances account for one of the top 3 reasons for divorce. I personally would at least postpone, if not cancel the wedding for now. If he can’t figure out how to compromise with finances now, he’s setting up the relationship for failure.

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