(Closed) FI doesn't want to help plan the wedding

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
10450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I like it that way actually! Most guys don’t care about the wedding and that’s perfectly normal, they’re dudes. Just not their thing. Think of it like this: you can plan whatever you want! Free reign!

Post # 4
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

@Daffadowndilly:  I have a SOMEWHAT similar situation. He does stuff, but he whines about it. 

What I did, and it seems to have worked: I told him that if he doesn’t help and put in up front, he doesn’t have veto power. End of story – if I ask him about something and he says he doesn’t care…and I make a decision he doesn’t like, too freaking bad.

And for the record, big wedding was his idea too. I wanted to elope. 

Good luck to you!

Post # 6
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Daffadowndilly:  I would sit down with your Fiance and tell him how you feel and how the pressure of trying to plan it yourself is getting to you at times. I don’t think it’s cool that he is the one who wanted the big wedding but he isn’t putting hardly any effort into planning the wedding. I think the wedding should something peoole should do together, granted I don’t expect my Fiance to completely plan our wedding. I sat down with my Fiance and we delegated tasks to one another…like he deals with the limo, the officiant, and cake and I deal with the venue, food, etc. I think when there is more communication it helps ease the pressure and you both can get to the end game…which is to have a wonderful celebration with your friends and family to celebrate your wedding. 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Daffadowndilly:  Same here. My Fiance is the one who wanted the “big wedding.” And so far, I am the one who has done everything to prepare for this big wedding. I designed and ordered STDs, I’m ordering invitations, I secured the venue, I picked the food, I hired the officiant, DJ, and photographer, I’m looking at florists and cakes, etc.

Just another reason LDR sucks.

But to put a positive spin on things: Whatever I say, goes! This wedding is going to be exactly the way I want it to be!

Post # 9
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

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@everyheart:  That’s part of our problem too! LDR sucks, big time.

 

View original reply
@Daffadowndilly:  Hey, it’s worth a shot!!

Post # 10
Hostess
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Most of the ladies on here will be able to sympathize, myself included. We’ve been planning this wedding for two years now. We are 5 months out at this point and he is finally giving some input on things. Note SOME. 

Weddings just aren’t as big of a deal to guys as they are to us. I do believe we have Disney to thank for all of the “Princess for a day” ideas. They don’t care about details, what colors there are, the type of favors, etc. All they care is that they get to marry us. Fiance told me he’d be fine going to the court house and getting married in potato sacks, as long as he gets to marry me in the end.

If you can’t get any opinions out of him, oh well! You have all of us to help make sure everything looks fab. 😉

Post # 11
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My husband was very selective in his input to the wedding planning.n it drove me batty as he did not want to come to meetings with our planner or other vendors but would want to know what was discussed and then had opinions about how it should be.  I wasn’t used to having a man care about such things. My dad and brother are of the “I’m only moving this once so tell me where you want it and don’t change your mind” and “tell me when/where to show up”. Husbands opinions were surprising as he and my dad are very similar in personality.  I told him he needed to come to meetings or he had no say.  He learned to come to meetings. He did deal with certain vendors if I bothered him about it but only because he seemed to have better luck getting a response.  

Ou guess he has sort of contributed in giving you his list of don’t wants. It may just be his way of participating.  Most guys really have no idea how much work goes into having a wedding.  

Post # 12
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have one of those grooms… We’re having a giant wedding… I said take on three duties or hire a wedding planner, so that solved it. If you can afford it, this will help immensely. he hasn’t said anything other than he wanted a Catholic wedding – so the rest is exactly how I want it. There are benefits – its quicker, moreefficient and you get your favorites. I know it’s overwhelming though… Maybe he has a sister or mom will step up for his side? (for invite and addresses)

Just calmly explain to him that a big party is a lot of work and it’s taking the joy out of your day because you’re stressed.  Maybe there are specific items you can assign to him?

Post # 12
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sorry double post

Post # 14
Member
8683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
@Pinkmoon:  +1

only thing my Fiance has done is a cake tasting and pick out grooms tuxes. He is very into honeymoon planning and that’s it! I love it! 

Post # 15
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@Pinkmoon:  + 1

My Fiance is the same way. I see it as I get to do what I want to do!

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