(Closed) FI driving me nuts….I'm angry now…VENTING

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
646 posts
Busy bee

Does he understand how it effects you??? Maybe if he really understands how he is without his meds and how it makes you feel, would he consider??

Post # 4
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Im so sorry Hun! I can understand the frustration and I know what it’s like to not want the meds anymore. I was lucky though and i have a doctor thatteaches skills so I won’t have to be on meds long term. 

His life isnt just about him anymore, it’s about the two of you and maybe he can go see a doctor about alternative treatments… And then remind him that you two should give some moneygot your parents for the laundry next month.

Post # 5
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

Could the two of you go to counseling together?  Maybe he would be more willing if he perceives it as “our” problem rather than “his” problem?   Just a thought….

Post # 9
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Councelling is different for everyone! He could end up driving you away without it!

Post # 11
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@smcs28:  Would he go to individual therapy?  Therapy (especially behavioral therapy) is highly efficacious for OCD.

Post # 12
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

@smcs28:  Preach it sister! My SO has OCD too. I know what you’re going through. Some times it takes 15 minutes to get from the parking lot to the store because he has to make sure the car locked and the trunk didn’t open. His car honks when it locks! And the trunk is not going to open by itself but still I stand and wait while he goes through his rituals. My only advice is to be patient. I was preconditioned going into this relationship because my youngest sister and my grandmother have it. My sister responded well to medication. My grandmother is a different level of OCD so it can be difficult to stay calm when she’s running through several rituals in a row. My SO seems to go through good days and bad days with it. I know from the years of watching my family members struggle that it’s far more frustrating for them than it is for us. Just stay strong, be patient, and continue having open conversations about it with him. Come vent to us on the Bee any time because it’s much better to do it here. My SO is considering medication now that he sees how well my sister responded and he doesn’t like the idea of being on pills either. At some point they get tired of living a life full of rituals too. The stress they feel when that ritual “doesn’t feel right” can be pretty intense. I know my sister fully believed family members would die if she didn’t complete each task just right. That’s pretty normal in the OCD world. Just remember next time you see him checking outlets that it’s very possible he thinks he’s preventing the fire that would take you away from him. 

Post # 14
Member
5664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

OMG my husband totaly does some of this stuff. He obsessively checks hotels before we check out, pushes and tests out the refridgerator door (cause it can’t close on it’s own?) runs his hands over things that he can CLEARLY SEE. Sometimes I am just like omg you have got to be kidding me. he’s not quite as your DH’s level but its so annoying.

Maybe he doesn’t want to do couples counseling, but he KNOWS he has an issue, and if he doesn’t want to take pills, he should go do his own counseling to try and change his behaviors. Nothing wrong with doing that.

Post # 15
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

“I’ve suggest couples counselling before, he won’t go because his parents went and got divorced anyways…..”

Well gee what an open minded way to look at it!… NOT.  I hate when people do this.  GAAAH!  HOnestly he’s probably scared that he’s going to me made to look like the one with the problem – therefore he’s going to avoid it.

Well you can always go by yourself then, just for a while.  Tell him you’re going to learn how to be the best partner/wife you can be and you might need a little help learning new tools.  Mention that one day you’d love for him to go too because you want to be the best couple you two can be, but right now you’re going to work onyou.

 

I had a serious issue in my ex-marriage even though the huge problem was really my H’s problem.  But I needed to learn if I could cope with it, how I was supposed to react to it, etc.

 

Get some Sofa Scram for when you’re not home:

http://www.petsmart.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2750650′ defer=’defer

Sofa Scram - PetSmart

 

 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My thoughts are with you on this. It’s very difficult to watch, I’m sure.

I myself have had bouts with OCD in the past, although not as intense as you describe, and I’ve kept it under very good control to be liveable. I notice it gets worse the more I stress out. I can tell that’s why it’s starting up again.

But yes, as @ScenicRoute described, the fear is very real. I know it’s not rational, and most of the time reality wins out, but there are still times it really comes down to believing something bad will happen to someone I love. Completely irrational! But it’s true. And everytime I read it in writing and realize that other people feel that way, I feel shocked and saddened, but relieved with a feeling of my goodness, this is real. That’s not just something I do.

The best thing that happened was I have someone in my life that is supportive and wants me to get better. It’s not easy, and if I were him I’d want to smack me. But it’s a lot to have support. Not that is should be easy.

I can appreciate the no medicine approach, but if live is becoming unliveable, then counseling is a must. There are ways to lessen the ritutals, get them more under control, that doesn’t need to be with medicine. I would talk to him, and tell him how you are suffering, but say that you want to love and support him and the best way you see to do so is with counseling. The more you can understand, it may be easier.

I wish you luck with everything.

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