(Closed) FI dropping girl home after work – would this bother you?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would this bother you?

    Hell yes!

    Of course not!

    Well, kinda... (Please elaborate in post!)

  • Post # 77
    9087 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Everyone knows that lift home is just code for sex!

    Post # 78
    576 posts
    Busy bee

    No I’d probably be happy he was kind and wanted to help someone in trouble. 

    However, there could be circumstances where I’d be jealous. I say that because I had been in this type of situation with an ex. So there are a range of scenarios that probably would get to me if I thought it over carefully. 

    In general however, my SO is far far faaaaaaar a better match(and man) than that ex, and our relationship is light years better. So for the most part it would not upset me in the slightest. 

    Post # 79
    170 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Of course not. It would bother me if he left people stranded when he was in a position to help them. I am not in the habit of being on guard with literally half of the world’s population. 

    Post # 80
    972 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Nope, DH has given whoever needed a ride a ride from the day I met him.  If it’s a regular thing he’ll expect gas money naturally, or he’s given free daily rides to people that lived really close so they would show up at his car a few minutes before it was time to leave (including an old boss for several months). 

    He’s the type to help people out, just today he was clearing the driveway of snow and helped push a car that got stuck near our intersection (one road is a main road, the other is a side street and doesn’t get much plowing in bad weather).

    If he can save some poor woman an hour or so bus ride home, especially in bad weather I’d be worried if he didn’t!

    But then we’re fine with friendships of the opposite sex so a ride in the car is nothing, I know there’s a raging debate of ok/not ok… I don’t care what others do as long as I’m not expected to conform lol.  I’m 37, he’s 42… neither of us know anyone who’s had any issues with platonic friends… maybe it’s just the type of people we hang out with (since we both have moved around various states and never in the same state until we met a few years back, I can’t say it’s an area thing lol).  Neither of us have any frame of reference or reason why this wouldn’t be ok.


    Post # 81
    3552 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    My Fiance gives some of his team members rides home on occasion and it doesn’t bother me at all. Heck a couple of weeks ago he took one of his co-managers out for breakfast and I was only annoyed he didn’t tell me first because I was waiting for him. I was really only irritated because I was worried about him. His coworker has taken him to the ER because he sustained a messy head wound at work, he was taking her to breakfast as a thanks for driving him to the hospital, to the drug testing center, and waiting around with him for hours. I just wanted to see for myself that he was ok because he was loopy from the blood loss over the phone. 

    Post # 82
    663 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Yes, I think it would bother me because it would be sooo out of character for my fiance. He works 12-14 hour shifts 45 min away from home, he is exhausted at the end of the day and just wants to get home. So, it would be very unusual if he did that!

    Post # 83
    2453 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    No.  I don’t understand the hate against it either.  In this case I’m assuming they’re carpooling (either a long trip- hello, split gas, sounds like a good deal to me), or she’s stuck somehow.

    As someone experiencing the “polar vortex” right now in the US, I think a blanket statement of “Ugh, no, he better not do that” is a bit harsh.  Sometimes cars just won’t start in the negative temperatures.  Would anyone really prefer that their SO didn’t offer a ride to that female co-worker with no better option?

    Post # 84
    1953 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    No. I’ve driven a few guys home before. It would be hypocritical of me to be bothered by this if he ever had to.

    Post # 85
    13904 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It wouldn’t bother me if he was upfront/honest about it.  If he snuck around and kept it from me, that would bother me.  But just a ride to a coworker who otherwise would have a long busride home at night… nah, that doesn’t bother me.

    Post # 86
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @linnylou_88:  OK, I voted “hell yes!” But only b/c of our CURRENT circumstances. 

    1. We live less than a mile from work. All his coworkers live at least 10. DH HATES traffic so I doubt he’d be willing to fight traffic to take someone home.

    2. 99% of his female coworkers are married and WORK with their husbands. Why wouldn’t the husband take her home? It’s super rare that one of them needs to get home first. 

    3. We had some issues with one of his (married) female coworkers. IF it were her, he knows what his answer would be. Plus she works with her husband, sooo….

    4. While DH is a nice guy, he’s not the gentleman type. If a coworker had a problem with their car, he’ll stay late to jump their battery, change a tire, etc. However, he never offers a ride home. Male or female. I think he just really dislikes traffic.

    Now, I DID have my 55 year old male coworker come over one night to look at some electrical issues. He needed a ride home (40 miles RT) and DH refused to go with us. So I fought the “big city” traffic at rush hour while DH stayed home and cooked dinner. 

    Post # 87
    244 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I wouldn’t be bothered but I’d kinda wonder who she was. For example, his office got us a lovely card for our engagement, and a girl called Katie wrote ‘watch out for bridezilla hahaha, lots of love  to you both’

    Obviously the girl thought it was a cute, nice thing to put in a card, but I was just like who is she? I would only put that when I knew both people in the couple as it’s quite familiar, but my Fiance doesn’t really make friends with a lot of woman, and says he doesn’t really chat with Katie, so I definitely raised an eyebrow. 


    I think lifts are cool, sometimes my co workers give me lifts to the train station, from the school I work at, which is great, but I usually gush non stop about wedding details, so it’s certainly not intimate with me!

    Post # 88
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I mean, if we’re not playing “what if” games, then no, I wouldn’t be worried at all. It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. In fact, DH has given a female coworker a lift home in the past, and I have given a male coworker a ride home too. It’s called being a good person and lending a helping hand. Not every single opposite sex member wants to jump your SO’s (or your) bones. lol.

    However, if we start adding what ifs, I certainly reserve the right to change my mind. What if he does this all the time and hides it from me? What if it adds a 2 hour round trip to his commute daily? What if this woman was actually really a man, who was actually really a horse, who was actually not a horse but a broom? (Please, someone get this reference. Though I changed it a bit to make it fit the situation…)

    I mean, there are certain circumstances that would bother me, but in the most general sense, no. Not at all!


    Post # 89
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle

    Yes,it would bother me.Now,it has nothing to do with my so,I actually know I can trust him and he’s a very honest person,but it has a lot to do with my own trust issues.My ex husband cheated on me so yes,I tend to be more jealous and insecure now.I wouldn’t tell him “don’t do that”,but I’ll probably wonder why he would do that,is she pretty,does she like him,for a while.Then I would just tell myself to get the hell over it,because he’s not my ex.So yeah,I would be bothered and he would probably realize (because I’m a freaking open book to him,lol),but I would also recognize that it’s my own issue and do my best to get over it.

    Post # 90
    1384 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    It would only bother me if I didn’t trust my Fiance. Not the case here. I voted no.

    Post # 91
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    View original reply

    I think I can top your card story! In DH’s line of work, it’s customary to give an employee leaving a gift that everyone has signed. When his company transferred him, they gave him a pic of his building and everyone signed the mat.

    “Ann” was a single mom that apparently had the hots for DH (then Fiance.) I’d met her at a ladies’ event and when the hostess introduced me (we had just started dating), her look was one of pure disgust. She didn’t talk to me the entire time so I assumed she was shy.

    Apparently the whole office (small one) was talking about this “new GF” that DH had and was joking that Ann would be upset. He asked them WHY and they mentioned that she had a crush on him. She never acted on it but told some of the women (that became my friends later) that she didn’t think he’d be with someone “like me.” Funny I thought the same thing when I met him!

    Anyways, Ann signed his gift (saying how she’ll miss him) and put a HUGE heart next to her name. He was given the gift (she wasn’t around) and he questioned it. Someone told him some douchey guy did it after the fact. But others said she was the only one that wrote in red and the heart was in red so it was obviously her.

    I LOL when I saw it. He refuses to display it b/c it’s so obvious. Everyone we’ve shown it to, asks us who Ann is.

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