Post # 1
So as you may have read in this post yesterday, FI’s groomsman just got engaged and was planning a Destination Wedding in the Keys the weekend before Xmas. Fiance and I got into a bit of a tiff because I said we couldn’t afford to go. Flashforward to last night when I got home from my shrink (and AMEN for the timing on that one as I was in introspective, good advice giving mode).
Fiance tells me that Groomsmen has bagged the Keys idea in favor of having his wedding the weekend before ours in the same general area. He is furious but he doesn’t know what to say or do about it. He said he didn’t want to “act like a girl about it” (I LOL’d hard at that one) but I could tell his feelings were very hurt by this guy.
Then Fiance goes, well I think I’m just going to tell him that if he goes through with that date, I’m not coming to the wedding, to which I reply UM no s**t you’re not going. We’re going to be busy getting stuff done for our own wedding. It’s not even an option for you to go. So basically we feel like if Groomsmen does this, it’s basically like not inviting us, and we think that’s f**ked up. Fi is hardcore regretting making him a Groomsmen. He says this guy has always and forever exhibited selfish behavior, but he made him a Groomsmen because he’s one of his oldest friends. Now he’s kicking himself for having any faith in this douche.
The situation has escalated in less than 24 hours. Not a good scene.
Post # 3
Did the Groomsmen even stop to think that lots of pre-wedding festivities (i.e. bachelor party etc) often happen the weekend before? Sounds selfish to me!
Post # 4
And does he plan on going on a honeymoon? If he does, then he essentially just conflicted himself with his previous obligation!
Post # 5
These people sound flaky (changing their wedding date twice within a day?) so I wonder if Groomsmen has even thought this through. Obviously your Fiance would have a difficult, if not impossible, time making the wedding if it’s the week before yours. And if Groomsmen goes on a honeymoon right after the wedding, he’s def not going to make it back in time for your wedding.
I’d just have Fiance present these points to him. If he’s still going to have the wedding at that time, then his loss, I guess.
Post # 6
My only concern with this would be that if the Groomsmen goes on a honeymoon, how would he be able to be in your wedding?
It sounds like they haven’t really decided on anything yet, so they might just be considering different options.
I don’t get what the big deal is about attending someone else’s wedding the weekend before your own.
Post # 7
They haven’t put down deposits, have they? Does your Fiance have the kind of relationship with this dude where he could say, “Um, not to butt in, but you’re sort of setting yourself up for a fall here.”
(Hoping Groomsmen is just oblivious and not actually being mean.)
Post # 8
yes, he won’t be able to attend your wedding if he’s on his honeymoon… if that decision is final, then i guess the other questions are pretty easy to answer- mutually don’t attend either wedding.
Unless you can plan far enough ahead to not have stuff pile up the week before, then it’d be no problem.. We had to travel far for our wedding, so all of the wedding stuff was done weeks in advance. I would recommend that to ANYONE, destination bride or local bride. There is enough emotionally going on to have to worry about folding and tucking and doing last minute things. Just my 2 cents!
Post # 9
Well, since Fiance was regretting asking the Groomsmen, wouldn’t he be able to use GM’s honey moon as a means to let Groomsmen back out? Then at least you wouldn’t have to deal with him @ your wedding and it would be a “graceful” way to get him out.
Post # 10
My parents are renting a house in the area of the wedding starting the weekend before and Fiance and I have to help transport all the stuff for the wedding and the stuff for the stay at the house to the rental house. My parents will have the dog in the car (she’s huge) so they can’t bring everything and they need our help, which we happily offered. Doing anything the weekend before our wedding is completely out of the question, even if we were already 100% ready to go with wedding prep.
Fiance is also pissed because this guy is supposed to be helping plan his bachelor party with the other guys and hadn’t done anything or responded to emails before he got engaged and since has sent like 6 emails about his own bachelor party never once mentioning the plans they were trying to make for FI’s party. He also suggested in his emails that they do almost the exact same thing that Fiance wanted to do (rent a house somewhere for the weekend, play poker, grill out, etc.). Also, and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but this guy got his fiancee’s e-ring at the same place Fiance got mine, which is nowhere close to where he lives. It has nothing to do with anything, but at this point Fiance is analyzing all this guy’s behavior and is basically of the mindset that he’s being sabotaged.
Personally, I don’t think this guy has the brainpower to actively sabotage anyone. I think he’s just an idiot, has no idea what goes into planning a wedding, and is just sort of talking out of his a**. I told Fiance to tell him good luck finding any available venue in the area considering we went to look April of last year and almost everything was booked through Sept 2010.
Post # 11
- Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna
Just my 2 cents but I would say do yourself a favor and boot the Groomsmen out now. If he really is as selfish as it sounds you will not want him around at your wedding. Let him have his wedding the weekend before because now you have a good reason to ask him to step down.
Post # 12
yeahhh… i want to be optimistic here but it sounds a little Single White Female… pretty soon he’ll be copying your FI’s hairstyle and calling you up on the phone, haha.
Post # 13
LOL @ Melissa
We did discuss the idea of “allowing him to step down” but I’m really never a proponent of that unless someone does something truly truly awful to you. Yeah sometimes I’m like OMG Bridesmaid or Best Man I WANT TO KICK YOUR A** OUT but I won’t do it. It would take a lot. Fiance feels the same way.
I don’t know what this guy’s honeymoon plans are – if he’s leaving right after the wedding or whatever. I don’t think they have any plans yet. That would be the only legit excuse to get rid of him. He would essentially be getting rid of himself.
My honest opinion on the situation is that dude doesn’t know WTF he is doing and he’ll come to realize that pretty much everything he has suggested thus far is not remotely feasible.
Post # 14
I’m surprised it didn’t occur to me in your last post that this guy is such a nitwit. I mean, your POV made sense, your FI’s made sense. This guy?? Has no IDEA what he is doing. He’s probably just copying what you’ve done because he’s 1) a douche and 2) too clueless to figure it out himself. Your fiance should have a good talk with him about what seriously goes into the days before and after a wedding. Make it clear the he understands the commitment he’s making to his own wedding and if he wants to change dates / back out, it’ll be ok either way.
Post # 15
Update d’jour: Fiance had emailed Groomsmen sort of gently asking him “Why did you guys change the date from the Key West plan?” and Groomsmen writes back “OH we’re just getting really antsy to do it” so Fiance wrote back something to the effect of “Well, you’ve known exactly when our wedding is for months now so I hope you guys aren’t so antsy to get married that I won’t be able to come to your wedding.”
Not the way I would have phrased it, honestly. Fiance thinks he’s being more subtle than he actually is most of the time. Crafting a well-worded email is not a strength of his. There has been no response as of right now but I don’t anticipate it being a good one.
Post # 16
Maybe it’ll be ok. Guys can be less subtle and get away with it better than women.
Unless Groomsmen runs to his Fiance and she plants crazy in his ear.