(Closed) FI excited to get married, but not excited about wedding – anxiety issues

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I feel the same as your fiance. Why not have a smaller at home wedding? We are having about 60 people and its the perfect size for my anxiety.

Post # 4
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

My Fiance also has some anxiety issues – being the center of attention forces his OCD into overdrive (thankfully it’s very mild). However, that being said – I’ve let him give me his input when he wants to and I’ve allowed him to stay in the background for the rest of the planning process. I simply told him that he should pipe up if something makes him uncomfortable. And truthfully, he’s been very vocal when it’s been relevant to him. I think the rest of the stuff he trusts me to get done (and let’s face it, they aren’t half as interested in the planning process as we are anyway!!).

Chances are that the number of people will be irrelevant if he has anxiety – he’ll be just as anxious if it’s small – so just figure out what his triggers are, what will put him at ease and just go from there! Just let him know that you want his opinion, that you want his input but don’t force him to give it unless he wants to!

If having a destination wedding means that some people that Fiance values might not make it – you should pull that off the table. Clearly, his inability to communicate about it is a sign that it makes him uncomfortable so that’s obviously not the right wedding scenario for him. I agree with the PP above – you can have a small, intimate wedding without going to a tropical local. Heck – you could even have a semi-destination wedding and have it somewhere beautiful within a couple hours of your home base. There are plenty of options!!

Post # 5
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My husband had anxiety about the wedding also –

We had the big at home wedding with 200 guests. He was terrified leading up to the ceremony that he would pass out being in front of everyone! The best man was actually prepared to catch him if need be. He did FINE. Once you’re up there you’re only paying attention to the two of you. For us we were distracted by what we thought was ‘thunder’ lol, that was wind blowing through the mic, but it kept it light-hearted.

Planning was pretty much all up to me, which I actually appreciated. That way I got whatever I wanted. 🙂 He did have input in what he and the guys wore, and the food, and I think that was it? I let him take charge of the rehearsal dinner though so I had one less thing to worry about. And of course I made decisions keeping what he would think/want in mind, or at least ran it by him. It worked out best this way for both of us.

Post # 7
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First off congrats on the engagement! Second, it is totally normal for newly enganged couples to feel that way about the wedding. After Fiance proposed to me back in March, I quickly jumped to wedding planning and started all this wedding talk to him. For a few weeks he kept getting the jitters everytime I mentioned wedding talk. He was so nervous and just couldn’t believe it’s actually happening.

Now six months later into the wedding planning, he couldn’t be more excited and loves hearing about all the details 🙂

Just give him some time. Maybe compromise some of the things you want to make him feel comfortable. 

Post # 8
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

LOL! My Darling Husband was like that. wasnt eager for the wedding. As a matter of fact we both werent! We both often said ” Omg, cant wait till this stupid day is over with ” and often considered a MUCH smaller wedding then our already small wedding plans but our families would flip! lol! its okay, men arent really into these kind of things, atleast most of them. He didnt care about color schemes, flower arrangements, centerpeices.. only time he had an opinion was when I brought it up with him and his answers were either ” Babe, I really dont care. I dont undestand these things, do what you wanna do ” Or, ” No, thats ugly ” without an explaination.

 

Post # 9
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@BeeandBeeBride27:  

 

This is very typical guy behavior when it comes to weddings, it’s ok. My fiance has a 90 second timer on his attention span for talking about wedding details before his eyeballs roll back into his head.  I basically planned the entire wedding myself, but checked in with him every once in a while to get approval on seating charts, program designs, music choices, etc. The less involvement the better. 

As far as getting your wedding venue & date picked out, men have no idea how these things work…just explain to him that May 2013 is too soon, contact your venue, find out what dates are available next year, and say “well May is taken but this, this and this is available, which one do you think we should do?” and go from there.

As far as destination weddings go, you can’t beat the price or the variety. We are having a destination wedding for 40 people in Mexico, and we have lots of family members attending. If you live in new england, the flight to Mexico (depending on where) is pretty fast non stop (approx 3.5 – 4 hrs). 

Also, the whole “allergy” to being the center of attention is also very typical guy behavior. Mine is the same way, he doesn’t want the upgraded photo package because he doesn’t want anyone taking his picture, ha! It takes men a while to get used to this big of an event just let him process it and on the big day he will be fine. 🙂
 

 

Post # 12
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@BeeandBeeBride27:  

 

If your guy got excited about the Destination Wedding, I’d start looking into it a little more seriously then, because ultimately you really want him to get excited and happy about it, and if he feels like he got what he wanted, you’ll see his interest level and involvement increase tenfold. 

There are a ton of different resorts/packages for doing Destination Wedding weddings in tropical places. The range for Cancun style Destination Wedding can be from $800 – 12k. We chose the most deluxe wedding package at our resort and increased the party size to 40 with a big buffet beachfront dinner, open bar and the budget for that is around $7000. You can go up or down from there. People do weddings at the same resort with a budget of $900 and get a basic package.

The great thing about Destination Wedding in Cancun is many of the resorts will give you a “complimentary wedding package” with a 6 or 7 night hotel stay….so if you stay for a week, they throw in the wedding package for free and you can save money.

As far as family members go, maybe you can do the Destination Wedding and then come home and have a nice home reception for everyone, to include grandma and grandpa.

Try going to the websites of some of the resorts in that area and each one should have a wedding tab where they talk about what deals they have going on and what it includes.

 

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