(Closed) FI family guest list drama

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7112 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Since your fiance has never met this relative I don’t think he needs to be invited. Sorry Grandma. I am dealing with a very similar situation with a set of 2nd cousins (and I’ve even met them onece or twice when I was little). So I’d try to be nice but tell grandma that you’re inviting family that you’re close with (or have at least me). She’ll get over it. Hopefully.

Post # 4
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

All of our guest list drama is on the FI’s side. Honestly, if your Fiance has never met these people, there is NO REASON for them to be at the wedding – I don’t care if Gma is paying for them. If you and your Fiance wanted them there, that’s one thing, but if he doesn’t care, there is no reason for you to stress or pay for that.

I had a couple of blowouts with the FI’s parents, who kept putting us over our guest count (who wants 40 people standing in the parking lot because there’s no room?) and also insisted on “and Family” and wouldn’t tell me who was who in the family, how many people, etc. It caused lots of confusion, tears, etc., and then those people they threw a fit over? They RSVP’d no only after we hunted them down for an answer.

Cut Gma’s relatives and accept that Gma might be prickly the day of. She should grow up and let you enjoy your day, but some people never do. Good news is you’ll be so busy that day that you’ll be able to avoid her. If you can handle some of her comments the day of, then be firm and say no and state your reasonable reasons: you are on a budget, and your Fiance has never met them. Case closed.

Post # 5
2623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My typical response with this is let your Fi deal with it. If she calls you tell her I’m in charge of my side of the guest list, and Fi is charge of his side so any questions or concerns should be directed towards him. Then your Fi should deal with it. Again certain people I don’t know or care if they are going to be there so it’s not an issue of budget and your Fi should let her know that they can’t be accomdated.

Post # 7
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Best of luck to you, I’ve dealt with the same sort of struggle. Especially this far out its probably best to firmly put your foot down or it will get worse. My Fiance ended up not inviting 2 of his friends because his grandmother insisted on us sending invitations to second cousins he has met once in his lifetime. This is even though they won’t attend, and even though we had already sent everyone else invites, and had spoken to his Mom about it. 

Other pitfall was that our rehearsal dinner became larger than we wanted, because we “had to invite out of town guests” and then grew even bigger because people who were driving distance away decided they had to come the night before. If I could change anything I would have been firm on it only being for people in the party. 

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