Post # 1
i feel like i am full of issues today because im dealing with guest list drama already and we have a year and a half til we’re married! my Fiance grandmother called us with an issue as to why we havent included her brother and sil in our future wedding events. so when i asked my Mother-In-Law who she was talking about, she responded that she forgot to tell us they existed, and that she didnt think it was a big deal. when i asked my Fiance about his grandmas brother, he told me he forgot about them because he has never even met them (they live out of state). hes 28 years old.
so his grandma is really offended that i wasnt going to include her brother and his family, because i am the one who is planning everything. my MIL keeps passing the buck when shes confronted about this and tells the grandma that “its not her party” – basically she doesnt give a crap and is letting it all fall on me and my Fiance, but lets be honest, me. and pretty much grandma demands that we include her brother and his family in any and all events. i can respect that she wants her family to be there, considering this is the first of the grandchildren on both sides to be getting married and im all about family. it doesnt bother me that he doesnt know them, its more frustrating to deal with the attitudes.
it wasnt until we told her that we’re paying for the wedding ourselves that she offered to cover their plates in order for them to be invited. but she said it with such an attitude, like she was forced to do it. no one has offered to help us out financially, and we’re too proud to ask for help, so i feel like everybody needs to just deal with it. she knows we live at home and are on a considerable budget. i have mixed feelings about this. we’re not doing a large wedding, and we have cut the list to only include our families and very few friends. i have wrapped my head around the idea that some people i would like to invite cant be invited because we dont have the money to make it a huge wedding. we’re already at 150 people. i must be a horrible person to still not want to invite them just based on principle, but im really not one of those crazy-emotionally driven brides. this is just very annoying already, and maybe its a right of passage, but i dont see it getting any easier, lol.
Post # 3
Since your fiance has never met this relative I don’t think he needs to be invited. Sorry Grandma. I am dealing with a very similar situation with a set of 2nd cousins (and I’ve even met them onece or twice when I was little). So I’d try to be nice but tell grandma that you’re inviting family that you’re close with (or have at least me). She’ll get over it. Hopefully.
Post # 4
All of our guest list drama is on the FI’s side. Honestly, if your Fiance has never met these people, there is NO REASON for them to be at the wedding – I don’t care if Gma is paying for them. If you and your Fiance wanted them there, that’s one thing, but if he doesn’t care, there is no reason for you to stress or pay for that.
I had a couple of blowouts with the FI’s parents, who kept putting us over our guest count (who wants 40 people standing in the parking lot because there’s no room?) and also insisted on “and Family” and wouldn’t tell me who was who in the family, how many people, etc. It caused lots of confusion, tears, etc., and then those people they threw a fit over? They RSVP’d no only after we hunted them down for an answer.
Cut Gma’s relatives and accept that Gma might be prickly the day of. She should grow up and let you enjoy your day, but some people never do. Good news is you’ll be so busy that day that you’ll be able to avoid her. If you can handle some of her comments the day of, then be firm and say no and state your reasonable reasons: you are on a budget, and your Fiance has never met them. Case closed.
Post # 5
My typical response with this is let your Fi deal with it. If she calls you tell her I’m in charge of my side of the guest list, and Fi is charge of his side so any questions or concerns should be directed towards him. Then your Fi should deal with it. Again certain people I don’t know or care if they are going to be there so it’s not an issue of budget and your Fi should let her know that they can’t be accomdated.
Post # 6
i think when it comes down to it, im just more pissed about how everyone else is handling – or NOT handling it. like my parents just shrug and say ‘thats what you have to deal with when you’re planning a wedding,’ and his have nothing to say about it. my Fiance eventually spoke to her and after she offered to pay he seemed cool with it, and he says at the end of the day we could just let it roll and she can be happy that they’re there. and we can get over it, not like we’ll have time for them anyway… i dont have the balls to get mad at old woman, as weird as that may sound. its like some strange control/power trip going on silently between us bc neither of us is talking or pressing the issue, mostly just making the odd comment. ugh!
Post # 7
Best of luck to you, I’ve dealt with the same sort of struggle. Especially this far out its probably best to firmly put your foot down or it will get worse. My Fiance ended up not inviting 2 of his friends because his grandmother insisted on us sending invitations to second cousins he has met once in his lifetime. This is even though they won’t attend, and even though we had already sent everyone else invites, and had spoken to his Mom about it.
Other pitfall was that our rehearsal dinner became larger than we wanted, because we “had to invite out of town guests” and then grew even bigger because people who were driving distance away decided they had to come the night before. If I could change anything I would have been firm on it only being for people in the party.