(Closed) FI family wants large wedding but we can’t afford it!!! HELP

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If SHE wants to invite all those extra people (beyond what YOU can afford and what you are OK asking your parents for money) his family should pony up. That being said, if you’re inviting great aunts and the whole barnyard of folks, you may have to put a cut off on extended family.

Keep the guest list small like you and your Fiance want. I’d let them invite more if they contributed though. Her guests, her money. You can’t afford it, plain and simple, and I don’t think your parents shoudl take on the burden of a ridiculous excess of your FI’s family. 

My family has 5 people coming. yes, 5 family memebers. My Future Mother-In-Law handed me a list of 85. Well, my parents are not paying for that wedding  …needles to say, my Fiance and I are, but that is our choice and we CAN afford it. If we coudln’t, we’d be scaling back considerably. Ther’es no shame in it but stnad up for what you two want. 

Post # 4
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my family is 10 people, my FI’s mothers guestlist was 200 people and counting

i told her i couldnt afford the wedding she wanted but she was more than welcomed to pay for her people and i gave her a per person value and she shut up

we’re now eloping – it got too all too hard for this frazzled bride


Post # 5
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

LoL, yeah, see how important those people are when she finds out their dinner is $89 a plate or whatever. Then, i doubt they’re *that* important….

Post # 6
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

*lol* @eloping – good for you!

I’d do the same… Fiance and I set out our budget, and made our guestlist accordingly. We made it clear that’s what we’re comfortable with and able to afford. We may have some wiggle room once RSVPs come in, but until then – nope!

If you’re willing to have all of this extra family attend, Future Mother-In-Law should definitely be contributing financially. And giving her a cost per person is a great way to handle it! Don’t forget to factor in paper goods, favors, etc. – not just food & drink!

Post # 7
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

i had this same augument when planning my wedding.  Mother-In-Law had all these guests she wanted to invite…but husband and I were footing the entire bill.  I told her how much $$ she would need to contribute and, i promise, she never called again with requests.  planning was smooth sailing (OK, not completely, but you get my drift) once I made it clear who was in charge…

Post # 8
161 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking her to help out if she can. I’d say that you’d love to have them attend but you just can’t afford it…then she’ll have an option of offering to help

Post # 9
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Welcome to my world!  That same thing happened with us.  I gave them a cutoff in terms of relations who they could invite and also a set number.  They aren’t contributing a dime towards my wedding, so they shouldn’t be inviting 4rth cousin Sally and all 12 of their children. 

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