Post # 1
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
I ordered the Five Love Languages and What I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married, both by Gary Chapman and started reading 5LL last night. I had the other sitting on the kitchen counter by the mail and this morning Fiance came in while I was getting ready for work and was all “What is this??” and I said it was a book I wanted to read. He completely blew up and we’ve been fighting all day about it. He (without knowing anything about the book) thinks its a man bashing book and will tell me how he is supposed to give more when he’s agreed to give me what I need, what more do I want from him, etc etc.
I’m just blown away by this response to be honest and not sure what to think. Who would want to get married without any preparation? (Btw, I’ve been married once and he’s been married twice so I feel like maybe I/we need a little more prep work than others) Has anyone else dealt with this?
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@Pickel: That’s a really disconcerting response.
DH’s uncle got us a marriage prep book for Christmas last year (he’s a marriage and family therapist) and we were boy happy to read it. It’s called the 7 Principles to Making Marriage Work (or something like that).
Did either of his ex-wives read a book that led them to accuse him of not being the partner they needed?
I would try and figure out why just seeing the book upset him so much.
Post # 4
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
I read both of those books! The Gary Chapman book does not say anything weird or earth shattering!
It’s possible that like something else was bothering him, other than just the fact that you were reading books.
Post # 5
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
@KatNYC2011: I know! I thought so too! If the situation would have been reversed, I would have been happy that he was taking intiative to work on having a lasting relationship.
I don’t know about the ex-wives but I’ll see if I can figure that out. He just kept saying that he’s made all these sacrifices and has done all this stuff and now I’m reading things that are going to say he’s not doing enough and he’ll have to do more, and these books are just to bash men. I am so confused about his response!
Post # 6
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@Pickel: It really does sound like something happened in the past with regards to these types of books that has scarred him.
Post # 7
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
It would concern me that on his third marriage, he doesn’t seem to think it might take more work than what he had previously offered. If you keep doing what you’ve always done . . .
I’d ask him to read them WITH you, and if he finds anything alarming in them he can point it out as you go along and you can both discuss your opinion on what the author is saying and see how or if it should apply to your relationship.
Post # 8
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
@KatNYC2011: I finally got out of him that both exs read books when they were going through trouble and he says it drove a wedge between them.
@daybyday: That is my thought exactly, why would you not work harder and do something different if you’ve already failed twice. I suggested reading together like you suggested and he said he would.
Thank you all for your help. We’ll see how it goes.
Post # 9
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
My Fiance could care less what I read. However, when he saw me reading marriage books, he kept his mouth shut. I think it was out of fear that I would start to talk to him about it or compare our relationship to the ones in the book. While I think all guys are afraid of these books, a response like his does not make you feel good!
