(Closed) FI gets offered Pay Raise in exchange for ending our relationship!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
32 posts
Newbee

This is a problem that is not going to go away unfortunately… You need to make a decision. It doesn’t sound like his family will let up, even if he quits his job. And, I’m sure that severing ties with his family would be extremely difficult for him. I know it would be for me… The sad truth of it all is that it is just an unhealthy situation for anyone. I’m sorry…

Post # 63
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

He should most definitely list his family business on his resume but he does not have to give them for a reference. He can state that he prefer his employer not be contacted. If asked why, he can explain that the family does not know that intends to leave the business.

I know you’ve heard this time and time again, but he should leave the job. When his family claims that they did not fire him, he can challenge that with the state. He should keep track of the hours he worked and the pay he was docked and claim that they constructively fired him by not paying him his full paycheck. It sounds like he would be successful on the challenge and could get unemployment. You should call someone from your state’s unemployment office and speak with them. I’ve seen many people challenge a finding like this. Make sure he documents every single incident with them from now on. If he can get other people from the business/clients as witnesses, even better.

Does your family live close? Maybe you guys can move in with them to save money so your fiance can quit his job while he looks for something else. Trust me, I know how much the economy sucks but honestly, this is not good for you or your fi. Also, as much as you think your child doesn’t know what is going on, you are most likely wrong. Kids are incredibly perceptive. They can sense when you are upset even when you don’t yell or get angry in front of them. He might not know why, but he probably knows that you and your fi are always sad.

Post # 64
Member
1776 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@jeye7161: I put were I am currently working on all my references but do not include a number and ALWAYS request they do not contact my current employer. From what I was told at my last job where I actually did the interviewing it is illegal for a company to contact your current employer if you request they not.

In addition to target and walmart, check out the malls, every.single.restaurant in your area. Be persistant. Look into childcare facilities that may be hiring, the pay sucks but the turnover is ridiculous so there are openings a lot.

Honestly, I have never heard of the military turning people away, interesting…

Post # 65
Member
1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@jeye7161: Now I understand a little better.  It still isn’t a healthy situation.  I wish I had advice for you.  I understand how hard it is to find a job, but he has more of a chance finding a new one while being employed than not being employed.  Companies are weird like that.  I suggest that he keeps trying and he needs to really show his parents that he loves and cares about you.  There’s nothing they can do or say.  It sucks for him because it is his family, but it’s just a really tough thing to go through all together.

Post # 68
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@jeye7161:  FIRST OFF…what was his response to them when they said this?  How does he feel about it? Can you guys sit down and decide how youre going to handle this?  Maybe he can go back to school to train for a new job or get a job elsewhere?  There are always positive options to every bad situation that comes our way.  A little space from his familys business might just show them hes a man, and hes made his choices.

Best of luck luv!

Kristen

Post # 69
Member
4831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@jeye7161: Now that you are armed with more knowledge, go try again.

This situation really sounds terrible. I wish you luck.

Post # 71
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@jeye7161:

Personally I know how hard it’s been trying to get a job. When I moved out to CA it took me 8 months to find a job and when I moved back to MA it took me over a year.  So yes I do know how hard it is. 

My situation isn’t extreme as yours and my BF wouldn’t put up with that kind of shit from his family.  Your Fiance has been there 8 years surly he has networked with some vendors/clients.  You can use them as references, you can list personal references, you can ask new employers not to contact his family-run business. Plus depending on the company doing reference they ask how long you have worked there and salary.  You can request they only ask those questions.

There is no reason why he can’t get a job at Wal-mart/Target like a PP said.  Also look into something that is 2nd or 3rd shift for the time being…you get extra pay through shift differential.

There are plenty of options out there. You and him just have to put on your big-girl/boy pants and execute them.

Post # 73
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@jeye7161: Then you need to act as if he never had this job. I know its hard to think about, but he’s essentially starting over. There’s no way around it, if the clients won’t work with you then you need to find other references. You can use friends as character references. When I got my job out of college I didn’t have previous experience, so they had no one to call. You just have to take it for what it is. You’re not going to get any help so you should leave now and start over as soon as possible.

Post # 74
Member
3930 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

i’m sorry if this sounds rude, because i mean it to be constructive and not attacking, but it seems like there’s an excuse for every suggestion.

like some PPs have suggested, can you support him while he figures this out?  He needs to cut off ties to these people- financially independent or not- and focus on ridding his, and your life, of this negativity.  you both deserve better and i think everyone here is just trying to help you realize that you won’t be happy until he can distance himself from them (and furthermore, until he can WANT to and act on that)

Post # 75
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

A) only list people as references they he knows won’t run to his parents and ask them if it’s alright’

B) get out of that industry.

C) he can get go to unemployment and say that his work is making it impossible for him to work there.  You should have documentation of his paychecks bouncing. I am assuming that it would show in your bank records.  That right there should give them reason enough to see how he was forced to quit.

D) again Walmart/Target even Dunkin Donuts is a good enough place to work. Plus you can pick up other shifts of people can’t work them.  

 

Post # 76
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If he tries to get unemployment and is denied (for whatever reason, including his parents lying), you can appeal the decision. Just FYI, in case he find himself eligible for unemployment. 

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