Post # 1
Yesterday, Fiance and I attended my parent’s church. Fiance was impacted by the sermon and decided to re-dedicate himself but not as a catholic (how he was raised), as baptist. I was so happy for him and everything was great, but now he wants a lot of our relationship to change.
I fell in love with my Fiance for who he is/was. He didn’t hold his tongue, we had a great sex life, everything was perfect. I feel like I’m now with a stranger. He’s quieter, he’s deep in thought all the time, he’s chosen to abstain until we’re married (3 weeks, which seems a little silly to me but I know it’s important to him). I find myself walking on egg-shells around my own fiance. I completely support his choice and am very happy for him but feel as if things have changed. I’m not as comfortable anymore.
I know it’s only been one day and maybe things will get better, I’m just kind of worried I guess. I’ve talked to him and he tells me that our relationship isn’t any different than it was before, it’s just getting better. Anyone else been through this?
Post # 3
Yesterday Fi decided to be saved and today he is different? I’d give it some time to see if it sticks. And, I’d TALK to him about this–aside from the sex thing (which i can get on board with–it’s 3 weeks), what else has changed? Why do you feel like you’re on egg shells? Specifically point out examples of what’s been different.
But in the end, I think it’s just one day…who knows, maybe in a week he’ll go back ya know? Sometimes sermons impact people for a few days and then the feeling fades
Post # 4
Forgive my ignorance but how are Baptists different from Catholics?
I.e. Are Baptists more introverted and less sexual? I’m sorry, I know it’s a stupid question. Just trying to understand how/why your Fiance would change so much.
Post # 5
Agree with PP – if this happened *yesterday*, I doubt it’s permanent. Give it a week or two and see what happens. If he’s still different, I’d talk to him about renegotiating some of the aspects of your relationship – depending on what is different about him that now bothers you. Good luck!
Post # 6
I would give it some time. It’s only been a day and it’s likely he’s just thinking a lot about himself and where he is spiritually. If he continues to get worse over the next week, then have another talk with him about it. It’s likely he’s just trying to rediscover himself and where he fits in with his faith.
Post # 7
While I agree to give him some time, you may also want to ask that he be willing to share with you and keep you involved in this process. It’s not fair to you for him to internalize things that will change the dynamic of your relationship. You should absolutely support him and be a little patient, but you don’t have to be passive. 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 8
Been there, Done that… After many years of marriage, my 1st husband was re-saved and re-dedicated to church and living a more church/bible life. It was a big adjustment for me for different reasons (ie: sex, alcohol, tithing, etc…). It was an adjustment. He actually did it 2x while we were married. I was constantly uncomfotable, because I didnt change and he did, and honestly, he did expect me to change along with him, and be into going to church based functions/watching movies (more than normal). That was my experience.
Post # 9
It seems like it’s something important to him but I get that change can be scary. I agree with Gemstone in asking him to involve you as much as possible in whats going on and his thought process so you won’t fell isolated.
My advice, be there for him in the way you feel most comfortable doing. You shouldn’t have to feel like you’re walking on eggshells, or keep hoping he changes his mind. Talk to him try to explain what you’re afraid will change and how you both can work as a couple to easing this fear.
I think this will be a great testament on how well you can handle lifestyle changes as a couple.
Post # 10
Religion is a huge part of your future lives together, and I think he needs to share this with you. And you guys need to have some serious discussions about how his religion will now impact your future. What does he want to teach your children? What guidelines or rules does he want to follow?
Post # 11
It’s a tough situation to have right before your wedding. If it does “stick” then it will probably mean some big changes in his relationships/how he lives his life. Which obviously affects you. Some of the changes could be really good ones though! Communicate with him honestly about this, eggshells be darned.
Post # 12
If it had only been one day, I think the change in his demeanor (being quieter etc) is more related to it being so close time-wise to his decision to rededicate. We’ve all had that moment of either contemplation or euphoria after a life-changing event which eventually levels out back to normal 🙂 I don’t say that to mean that his decision/event isn’t real. I think it’s just like love, in the beginning there’s this euphoria of giddyness that eventually levels out and is replaced by a deeper kind of commitment/love.
I really do think his contemplative manner will level back, even when there would be changes and/or re-affirmation of values 🙂
I agree with a PP who suggest you both talk about what changes in values (or re-affirmation of values) you would both are comfortable/uncomfortable with.
A book you might find interesting (the title might be off-putting :P) : “Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage” by Lee and Leslie Strobel. Leslie got saved and Lee, an atheist, had to go through this adjusment in changes of values and the shift of dynamic in the relationship because of said change of values. I think you might relate to Lee’s uneasiness regarding the change (regardless of your belief/faith).
The book does carry religious tone, but it’s not too heavy handed 😉 (trust me, I’m usually put off by overly religious books. This book is quite practical).
“I feel like I’m now with a stranger.” — Haha… my family can sooo relate to you. Mine’s a mirror situation to yours, but where instead of my being saved, it’s my questioning that shifted the dynamic of relationship with my family in that one area haha….
I was born and raised in Christian home, but as an adult have been evaluating and (still) re-evaluating my faith. The book has been quite helpful in helping me pinpoint and word my feelings/thoughts to my family (they’ve been great, but as with any change, there was a period of adjustment both sides had to go through ;P).There are also practical suggestions on how to approach sensitive subjects and other suggestions. Lee also went through a period where he felt like Leslie’s was now a stranger.
The reviews will give you a more detailed view of what the book is about. Hope this helps! 🙂