- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
Ok bees so if anyone has read any of my posts before you may know that my Future Mother-In-Law has gone a tad bit guest list crazy. My Fiance and I are just graduating college and have managed to save up about $7,000 specifically for the wedding but we are buying a house in like 2 weeks and have to put a 20% down payment, so there is no more money at the moment that we can pull from our own savings to cover some remaining wedding costs. So we established a final guest list a year ago when I booked the reception venue and all of that, but since then Future Mother-In-Law has already added 75 more people. I’ve tried to find all of the best deals possible but in the end many of you guys know that cost comes down to head count. The last thing there was to make cuts on was the floral but it was something I really wanted to avoid so my mom and dad offered to just pay for the cost of flowers so that we wouldn’t have to make cuts on the one area we really wanted the most. A few weeks ago Future Mother-In-Law asked me if she could invite 14 more people, to which I replied ‘no we don’t have enough money, sorry’. She continued to ask us on several different occassions despite my saying no though. When I just booked our last vendor about a week or so ago I went over the budget again and I now know that we were about $1500 short on costs. So we needed to ask his parents to chip in more, especially because they invited so many more of the guests than my side did but Future Mother-In-Law was still pouting about not being able to invite 14 more friends.
So I gave in and figured out how much it would cost to add them and said if they can completely cover the cost of these 14 people then they can be invited. So Fiance talked to his dad about the remaining $1500 we also needed and he said that he would give us $500 more plus pay for the extra people. Fiance was at his parents house and we were talking on the phone about it and I said that that wasn’t going to work because that money that they are using to pay for these extra people could cover the remaining cost that we still need for the wedding. I said I didn’t feel comfortable inviting 14 more people without knowing how they were going to be paid for. Future Father-In-Law overheard our conversation apparently and started freaking out, acting like I was holding ransom 7 invitations until he paid up. Which was not the case at all, I don’t feel like me being responsible and making sure that 2 months out we are safe with the budget before adding another $1000 worth of people is wrong at all. The problem is that they have no concept of what a wedding costs even though I have in the past gone over with them how much things would cost. But they don’t think of that, they just want to invite whoever it is they want to invite and think that it is somehow going to magically work out in the end.
This all stems from the fact that Future Mother-In-Law has what I call a ‘rich people complex’. She works at a hospital and has a lot of friends that are very wealthy. Her and her husband themselves are very well off, but they live well above their means to try to fit in with these other lifestyles. This is just another example of that… she has been to their children’s weddings with a ton of people and lavish decor at fancy hotels and what not, so she insists that she MUST invite everyone or else it will be embarassing. Which I would be fine and dandy with, if we could afford it. But his parents didn’t contribute nearly enough to cover these guests, so in the end we really had no choice but to ask them to contribute more.
Anyway so I was really upset because I have had a very good relationship with Future Father-In-Law and he was saying things like that he would take back the money to cover those extra guests and not even come to the wedding. He later ended up apologizing about it to Fiance and told him that he wasn’t aware that his mom had added so many other people to begin with but that he would come up with the money to cover their cost. I feel bad for him, because he has told us before about how his mom gets them into ridiculous debts and he has to bail her out of it all of the time because she has no concept of money. I feel like this is just another time where that has to happen.
So then he goes upstairs to bed and finds his mom crying, saying that this is all of her fault because she invited so many people (which DUH is what we told her months and months ago was happening, but she refused to listen to us). He told her the logical thing to do would be to not invite these last 14 people (especially because they already currently think they are not invited because the invites have already all gone out and RSVP date is next week) and just pay for the remaining wedding cost instead of straining themselves ridiculously for these extra 14 people out of nowhere. However, she would not give in. So apparently now I have to go to the printers tomorrow and get more invitations made, send them out (they won’t even reach these people by the RSVP deadline chances are), and apparently future in laws are paying for these people on top of remaining wedding costs.
Now I just feel so frustrated and awkward though. I don’t like knowing that my Future Father-In-Law would imply that I would be doing rude things or not being grateful for anything they contributed. And it is just more frustrating to me because I’ve been stressing myself to afford all of these people so that we wouldn’t have to ask for more money this whole time, but that is not something they cared to know about. Future Mother-In-Law I still just can’t stand, because she cries all of the time like that to ensure Fiance will feel sympathetic toward her. In the end she’s getting what she wants again, even though it is straining everyone to do so. Did I mention she just invited someone else to the bridal shower like two days ago even though my shower is this Saturday, my BMs are throwing it, and things like head count were already due? She doesn’t care that she puts everyone else in a difficult position, so long as she gets what she wants in the end.
Grrr! This is a venting post for real, but now its like I don’t even want to be around them. Don’t get me wrong I am very grateful that they are covering it and that I at least don’t technically have to worry about the money, but it has been so draining to have to deal with all of the bull that has come along with it the whole time.