- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2015
So just at the start of April we moved from a bachelor apartment (that was WAY too small for us) that was a half hour bus away from downtown to a 2 bedroom apartment that is right in the heart of the city. I thought if anything this move would be better for us, not worse.
It all started the day we moved in. My father had come with us to unload the truck and about an hour into it I realized my father (who is 60) and I were the only ones carrying things up the 2 flights of stairs! I had to go out and spat with him in the moving truck about doing his fair share of the carrying and if anything I should be the one standing in the truck moving things around, all I got from him was a remark of “You’re the one who wanted to move in the first place.” as if to imply he had ever protested the move, which he never once did.
Every weekend he spends the Friday night out with his buds as usual, I am fine with this. But in the old apartment he’d be home by 4 pm for the rest of the weekend (this was after a bus ride home) but now that we live downtown he is staying out for over 24 hours and comes home when it is time to go to bed at 11 on Saturday night! I thought that if anything I’d see him an hour (or even half hour) earlier since we lived so much closer for him to come home.
Every night (and weekend) he just sits in the office space we had set up in the second bedroom with the door closed. I can tolerate that for only so long until I am infuriated. He just sits in there browsing the internet or playing video games, he only willingly comes out once supper is ready to eat (never helps me make it anymore) and I have to scream for him to answer me when I actually do need his help with something. I don’t mind if he did this stuff out in the living room so I could at least spend time with him!
This weekend was a disaster. He left Friday morning to go and hang out with his friends for a few hours and I went to my mothers. She gave me some paint so we could finally get the nasty paint colour out of the living room, when I came home FI said we should get started right away. About 10 minutes into it he revealed that he was leaving to go hang out with an old friend plus he was getting supper out with another friend. He didn’t care that I had to paint the entire living room on my own, he came home for an hour before heading back out to supper around 6 to find me sitting on the ground crying. I had gotten the first coat done by then and my knee injury had flared up from standing on the chairs for so long (loads of pain), there were parts I couldn’t get without his help, plus I was just mad that he gets to eat out while I haven’t been able to in over a month. I thought he’d have some compassion and cancel his dinner plans but instead he left me right where he found me with the remark of “You were the one that had wanted to paint”.
The only redeeming thing he did was put the furniture back for me when he came home Saturday morning, but I did have to ask him to do that. But then he went right back into his office and I was left out watching tv alone for the majority of the day. Sunday morning I made our big pancake breakfast (which is what I usually do) while he sat in the office, I went to ask for some help and I got my head bitten off. By the time noon hit I was in bed with a massive migraine, I kindly asked him if he could just make a pot of pasta for lunch and put the sauce on it, he got nasty with me again and said that I had to do something instead of just lying in bed all day – so I had to mix the sauce into the pasta once it was ready even though I was dizzy enough to need to hold onto the counters while doing it. He then went back into the office but promised to go out for a walk at 4.
Of course he never came out to go for a walk until 6 and was so snappy with me because I wasn’t ready to go right at that second. The walk was only a half hour walk (supposed to be out for at least an hour) and as soon as we get home he says he needs to go over to his friends house and will be back in 10 minutes. That was an hour ago and he isn’t home or even answering my calls about where he is… this is why I finally decided to sit down and share this so I could vent.
I just don’t know why he is being like this. I don’t know if the moving to downtown (where he has access to more friends and places) is what changed his behaviour so suddenly or if somehow he didn’t want to move but put on a big show because he knew that I wanted to. I’ve tried to talk to him about it but instead I get told that I am the one being bitchy about everything for no reason, or that I’m being too lazy around the house… any excuse he can come up with to martyr himself. I don’t even know if I want to continue our relationship after seeing this side of him, I don’t feel like I deserve to be treated like this but at the same time I’d be throwing away so many years…