Post # 1
Did anyone else’s Fiance or DH start to get “cold feet” before the wedding? We are a month and a half out and Fiance has been acting really weird. Just really quiet and not really talking to me or sharing things about his day. So finally last night he admitted that he is scared/nervous and I assumed that he meant about being the center of attention at our wedding. Well turns out, he is nervous to get married. Keep in mind, we have been dating for almost 7 years, never broken up, bought a house last year, and raised a puppy. It’s not like this lifestyle is going to be a huge sudden change after we get married.
He actually said, and I quote, “I just don’t know if I want to be committed to you for the rest of my life.” …..I am so upset. I don’t really believe that he thinks that; I think its just the nerves and the thought of making this huge step because NONE of his guy friends even have girlfriends, let alone are close to getting married. Still, I don’t want him to be feeling so crummy. I thought this was supposed to be like the most exciting time of our lives so far together. Anyone else go through this? Will he get over it soon? This is so unlike him.
Post # 3
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I don’t have any advice to offer you but I do hope things get better. Best of luck.
Post # 4
cold feet is normal. i’m so sorry you’re going through this…that was a pretty hard thing to hear! i would suggest that your fi see a counselor. he probably has normal guy fears about getting married…i doubt he really meant what he said.
Post # 5
I’ve seen this happen to many, many, many friends. Almost all are still happily married. It’s pretty common from what I’ve gathered (and I think I’m older than most bees here). That said though, I’m sorry you are going through this, it’s not a good place to be and I’m sure it has you worried sick.
Post # 6
@Coleerenee: The statement “I just don’t know if I want to be committed to you for the rest of my life.” Is harsh but seems pretty clear. My advice would be to make sure he is 100% honest with you. It may not be just cold feet and assumming it is because you just know him or something like that could be really bad for you in the long run.
It could be cold feet but as much as it will hurt it could be much more.
Post # 7
My Fiance went through something like this a few months back. When he finally was able to tell me what was wrong it came down to him feeling the pressure of providing for a wife and my child. Now we have been together for 6 years so it’s not like I was expecting anything different from him then what is had already been doing but I think in his mind he has been doing everything b/c he wanted to and in his heart & mind making that commitment that providing for us was going to be an obligation weighed heavy on him but a after that talk he was okay . I think evey engaged person has a moment when it hits them that they are really gonna marry someone and take on all the pressures and obligations that come with it. Give him some time he will come around
Post # 8
I’m so sorry you are going through this! i would sit down and have a serious chat with him though – being nervous about the wedding is normal but being nervous about the marriage isnt. if i were you i would want to know exactly what that statment means – and if he wasnt ready then why did he ask?
if it helps him any let him know – marriage doesnt change normal everyday life – things will be (for the most part) exactly the same as they have been – just 100 times better knowing that you have someone to turn to and share your life with.
Post # 9
oh my, i haven’t had to go through anything like this am i’m sorry you are having to right now. did you ask for more clarification on what he said? if not, definitely try to get to the root of his anxiety and try to understand if it really is just ‘cold feet’ or something more. is there anyone he can talk to about this? maybe an older married relative/friend that he trusts? i really hope you two can figure this out soon. best of luck to you both.
Post # 10
Well he is totally not an emotional person and never talks about his feelings (which i try to remind him is not good!). I was upset after our conversation and he went to go for a run, so I called his 2 best friends (who live together) and they called him and told him to come over so they could talk to him. Well he knew something was up and came straight home. He just doesn’t talk about his feelings. They are gonna try again tonight and I’m hoping he will just stop being so stubborn and open up.
We met with my pastor a few times recently for the first time and I think he just realized that it is happening and he is getting nervous.
Post # 11
I am in your fiance’s shoes and my Fiance is ready to be married. I am freaking out about the fact that this is FOREVER. So I have a case of cold feet, but I know i still want to marry my Fiance. I just need time to let these feelings pass. I think the best friend pow wow thing will be good for him, just disquise it as hanging out. Hopefully these fears will pass and you guys will see each other at the altar!
Post # 12
I went through a case of HORRIBLE cold feet a few months ago. It lasted for a good two-three months. I was focused on every little thing my Fiance did that bothered me, and couldn’t stop thinking that it was FOREVER! I actually thought about leaving at one point, called my sister in tears, and ended up having a discussion with him that night about my fears. It ended up being the best talk ever. He shared some fears with me that I hadn’t heard before, and we really came back together after that talk.
Now I feel like I can’t wait to marry my FI!
I suggest trying to talk with him as well. Sometimes all you need is some serious reassurance!
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2011 - Blossom Heath
I understand how you feel because my Fiance and I have been together for 10 years and he said something along these lines to me. I was crushed and I asked was it that he didn’t want to be married. When it came down to it he was/is worried about being able to provide for me. I just told him that I didn’t expect him to take care of me that my only wish is that we continue as we have and take care of one another. That seemed to easy his mind alot.
I think it’s just his nerves but be sure that it’s not more.
Post # 14
Right after we were engaged was when it hit me with the finality of the whole thing. It was weird because I really wanted to be engaged and married to him. The desire, wishing, and hoping were drastically different from the reality of really vowing our lives to each other. It took some time to get over that and focus on our future together. I think that I mentioned this to my husband during our engagement time. For him, he went through those feelings before getting engaged, getting the ring, etc. Once we were engaged, it didn’t freak him out since he made that decision at the engagement. For me, it took me a little longer to go from fantasy of it to the reality of really being married and vowed to each other. I think it happens to a lot of couples because engagement is such an abstract time versus the concrete reality of a day-to-day marriage.