- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
Hi bees, I’m a regular poster but I prefer anonymity for this one.
Fiance has always been a heavy drinker, but drinks exclusively on the weekends, and has always expressed a desire to cut back. I finally put my foot down after we got engaged and told him that I would break up with him if the behavior didn’t stop. He promised to stop drinking liquor, which he’s fulfilled to this day.
Recently, the behavior has slowly started to re-emerge, despite him drinking only beer. He has been getting drunker each time we go out with friends (not as bad as before, but still unacceptable). Yesterday, he went out for St. Patrick’s Day, and ended up staying for hours slamming back beer after beer and making a fool of himself. I finally left when he started a fight with me in front of the entire bar. After essentially begging him to come home, he refused, and from what I heard he drank himself into a stupor and was withdrawn and antisocial. He lost his hat and iPod and ran up a $120 bar tab. I locked him out of our bedroom, and he banged on the door at 1 a.m. for about an hour, and eventually passed out. (This was pretty standard back in the day, prior to his improvement.)
Today, I was ready to tell him our engagement was over, but before I could, he told me he was quitting drinking, and getting help. He called a counselor who specializes in alcoholism and scheduled an appointment, and has agreed to come clean to his dad (former alcoholic, 25 years sober) about what he has done. He said that he realizes that he is a binge drinker and can’t stop once he starts, that it’s not even fun for him anymore, and that he is going to follow in his dad’s footsteps and quit altogether. He wrote out 7 reasons for quitting, including setting an example for our future children, for his health, and for repairing friendships he has damaged from drinking.
Bees, what do I do now? I can’t find it in my heart to leave the guy now that he’s actually taking the first steps to getting better, for the first time, and also since he kept his word all this time on the liquor thing and doesn’t even miss it. We’ve found Al-Anon meetings in our area that he’s agreed to attend. I just don’t know what to do to support him, or if more tough love is necessary. I adore him and want to marry him still. Any advice would be helpful; thank you.