(Closed) FI has no time for me

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

That really sucks for hi work wise. I know it is hard, but try looking at it from his point of view. Work is super stressful, when he,has a spare minute he probabaly wants to blow off steam (hence guys night) and he,probably doesn’t really want to do other “chores” even if they are part of building your life together. 

I’d try to support him and only involve him on wedding things he really cares about or when you need his input, do the research and give him a finite number of options to pick from so it is less stressful for him.

 

Think about when you are super busy/stressed, do you want to then spend your free tine doing errands? Or relaxing/having fun with friends?

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

That really sucks for hi work wise. I know it is hard, but try looking at it from his point of view. Work is super stressful, when he,has a spare minute he probabaly wants to blow off steam (hence guys night) and he,probably doesn’t really want to do other “chores” even if they are part of building your life together. 

I’d try to support him and only involve him on wedding things he really cares about or when you need his input, do the research and give him a finite number of options to pick from so it is less stressful for him.

Think about when you are super busy/stressed, do you want to then spend your free tine doing errands? Or relaxing/having fun with friends?

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sorry, double post. Phone glitch.

Post # 6
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

Try a date night once a week for the both of you- if he has time for his friends, he can make time for his soon to be wife.

Post # 7
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That does suck, and given that your wedding is so soon, you prob feel like you need him to be more involved right now, but if the poor guy is feeing the pressure at work, (and no offence here at all) but going for a beer with the guys probably does feel more appealing that picking out cabinets…. That’s not to say what you want to do isn’t more important, just that let him do his thing and he’ll be ready and willing to help you do your thing after. – I know I’d rather have my fi take a bit of time out and then be happy to help rather than doing something I want but be stressy about it.

Post # 8
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I understand that you need your Fiance but as long as it’s because of work I think you should be a little more understanding. I’m sure he would much rather be with you also. My SO has a very tight schedule right now because of work and I hardly see him. He cancels on me all the time but I can’t be mad at him, at least he is working and holding down a job. It won’t be like this forever.

Post # 9
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Soon2BeeMrsG:  +1. Ask one of your girlfriends to look at cabinets with you – you might get some great advice from another woman who takes more interest in kitchen decor 🙂 It can be fun too if you make it fun! I agree about needing some date nights with the two of you. I try to take care of the boring house stuff while my Fiance is busy and when we are together spend quality time, like going out on dates, snuggling around the house, etc.

Post # 10
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sounds like a time management issue.

Scheduling is the answer. 

He needs to understand that WIFE (love & romance) and LIFE (friends, chores, fun etc) are BOTH priorities he needs to find time for in addition to work.

Workaholic Husbands, tend to end up as Ex-Husbands in the long run.  Relationships take time to nurture even after the I DOs.

You need to have a heart-to-heart with him… NOW before the Wedding… and work on getting him using some sort of Scheduler so that he sees LIFE commitments just as important (Dates cannot be broken) as the time he makes available for work commitments.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 11
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@armychica06:  this.

I had the same problem with Fiance when we first got engaged (it was his first season of snow removal and he was always ALWAYS tired) but we made a point of always having ONE night just the two of us, even if we just stayed in and vegged out or video gamed… one night of quality time makes a world of difference.

Post # 12
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

He is ONLY human

Post # 13
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Nona99:  I agree with you, he is only human and it’s hard to keep up, but at the same time OP is also only human, and as women we too need to feel important and have other human needs… Its tough

OP I hope you guys can come to some sort of arrangement so you can reconnect and have some quality time.

Post # 14
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@mayflowerbride13:  It is super tough, and I know that this is a forum for women to support each other and I celebrate that, because that’s how it should be….I just think it’s very easy to loose sight of the fact that while feelings and emotions and needs are important and vital in any life, so is making sure that our obligations and commitments are met….I have several friends that have literally lost everything, no place to stay, no car, no money….and have had to beg to stay at people’s homes, mine included…so I certainly believe that our OP has a right to vent and be upset, but I also offer some perspective, he’s just doing his best, and trying to take care of everything for her…it can be a lot of pressure on a guy.

Post # 15
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Nona99:  accepted. hopefully it gets better, not worse though. We’re here for you, OP! <3

The topic ‘FI has no time for me’ is closed to new replies.

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