- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
Fi and I have been together for about 4 years, engaged since November, set to get married April 29, 2012. Ive been lurking on this board for a while, just created an account because I need some advice!
Basically, the issue is stemming around fi’s severe memory issues. He was diagnosed with high blood pressure in high school, and due to that, has a severe memory loss. His memory span lasts about 3 days, and whatever has been happening the past 3-4 days feels like “forever” to him. He literally could not remember what he had done for his own birthday, less than a month later, without prompting. He also has issues with depression, and the two of those things combined are a recipe for disaster.
This becomes a major problem every month when I PMS. I don’t get crazy, necessarily, but I get really easily irritated the 4-5 days before my period. Things like him not scraping the dishes that he burns food on gets on my nerves, I feel like he’s picking on me and I get defensive, which of course starts fights. After I start, I’m laid back, I’m happy with picking up after him if I need to, everything is wonderful. But after about 3 days of things being tense, he feels like that’s the way we are all the time, when really, I’ve just been cranky the past couple of days.
I know he loves me, I know he’s excited to get married, but when he argue, he says he has “doubts” because we argue “all the time”. These aren’t even major arguments, he is WONDERFUL to me, it’s stupid things like the division of household chores. There’s no cheating, or lying going on, it’s just stupidness that every couple goes through.
For instance, one morning last weekend, I woke up to him talking to someone on the phone. It was an older gentleman that he’d rented a house from after high school, and they’ve kept in touch, Fiance works on his computer occasionally. Fiance was telling him about the wedding, about how he can’t wait, how he’s so excited, etc. The pprevious morning, he’d woken me up telling me that he couldn’t wait for me to be his wife, til we were “finally married”. A couple of days later, I started PMS-ing, and we argued and he said he was having doubts, and had been having them for a “long time”. I bring up the previous two conversations that I just mentioned, and he blushes (he’s very embarrassed by his memory) and says “youre right, I’m sorry”, and tells me how much he loves me. So, a few days have passed, I am evening out, being less emotional, but he is still feeling like we’ve been arguing forever. He grew up with a very confrontational, irritable father, and anytime there is any stress, he wants to just hide or run away, he doesnt want to live in that environment anymore. He also does not understand that in any relationship, that there is going to be a period of adjustment where we learn how to live with each other. I think that he thinks that people that are “meant for each other” wouldn’t ever argue about simple things, and I don’t believe that to be true.
So, essentially, what I’m asking, is, can anyone ofifer advice on how to be less irritable during my time, how to relieve his fears, how do you guys reach agreements with your Fiance about stupid household things? I plan on showing him what I’ve written, and the responses, so can anyone help assure him that stress is normal while planning a wedding, that couple are going to argue, etc? I have told him these things, but I feel like it would be better coming from someone else.