(Closed) FI hasn't kissed me more than 3x in several years

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@anonybee726:  I have a childish option and a mature option. 

withhold things that you normall do that he loves. when he asks why, tell him it’s because you don’t have to any more. at some point he will realise what a massive douche he is being by refusing to do something you love. 

or you could be mature and go to counselling, but honestly if you’ve cried and begged him to do it, it might be time to show him him how nasty it is to intentionally do something that hurts your spouse. 

Post # 4
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Just because you don’t have to do something, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do it. Sorry OP, but it sounds to me like your Fiance is the childish one. I think ms-valentine has given good advice – on the one hand show him how it feels to have something you like withheld for no good (explained) reason and on the other hand take him to counselling to find out why he doesn’t want to do it. 


Does he express affection in other ways? Holding your hand or stroking your hair maybe?




Post # 5
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Yeah, to me it sounds like he means ‘I don’t need to kiss you because we have sex even when I don’t’ (you said you used to start sex with kissing).

Personally, next time he went to initiate I’d say ‘If you want sex, I want to kiss’ and if he still wouldn’t, too bad- he misses out.

Might not be the mature thing to do, but really, if he won’t even peck you on the lips because he ‘doesn’t have to anymore’ even though he knows how important it is to you, I’d say maturity has pretty much gone out the window. Time to give him a taste of his own medicine IMO.

Post # 6
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My sister says that kissing is only exciting if you get paid extra for it.  It’s a joke.  But it applies.  He doesn’t have to pay extra for it. If someone you love is unwilling to compromise on something that important than you need to look at the big picture.  Marriage is a partnership. Which emplies equality not gratutity.  He shouldn’t have to pay for sex and you shouldn’t have to earn a kiss. Partners have to be realistic withe eachother about expectations.  Either you will have to make peace with no kissing, truly peaceful, he will have to make peace with kissing or you both need to look at your relationship. Marriage is work and it does change some things.  

Post # 7
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anonybee726:  My ex was like this but he had severe intimacy issues. Treated women like objects, only liked sex from behind (preferred to stare at the back of a woman’s head – less intimate) and a whole lot of other weird habits. I’m pretty sure he gave me the exact same line about kissing. Maybe he has an intimacy issue?

Post # 8
4929 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My FH read this and said, “He doesn’t love her anymore. Or else he isn’t attracted to her.” Obviously he doesn’t know you, your FH, or your relationship, but that’s one man’s blunt and honest opinion. 

I can’t imagine not kissing my FH for years. He doesn’t particularly care for kissing either, but does it because he knows I like it. 

I think you two need to see a couple’s counselor to find out exactly what the bigger issue is. 

Post # 9
3101 posts
Sugar bee

@anonybee726:  This does not sound healthy imo.  I would seek counseling maybe?

Post # 10
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sounds to me like there is something more going on than he’s willing to admit..

Post # 11
578 posts
Busy bee

Wow, I can’t imagine how that must make you feel. I am very sorry OP. Not kissing in that long would absolutely kill me. I would ask him to go with you to some counseling sessions, or maybe just to talk to a pastor (if you have one), or a mature older mutual friend. You have to ask yourself if you can stand never kissing him again, or if the time has come to stand your ground. There is definitely a deeper meaning behind his (lack of) actions that needs to be discovered and addressed

Post # 12
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think I would ask him to do it more and if that doesn’t happen, I would try going to a couple’s counselor or a sex therapist to see if you can get to the root of the problem.

Post # 13
10266 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

It may be a psychological or sensory  thing for him.  Is he OCD or does he have a germ phobia? 

Post # 14
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Missy_Star:  I thought this too. I have no idea what it could be, but kissing is so innocuous, even if he didn’t think to kiss her by himself, her saying she wanted him to do it… the reaction should be “oh… I kind of forgot. I’ll try to up the frequency.” Even if he’s just not a kissy guy, it’s not like something that takes a lot of time or effort. Why not just do it to please your partner?

Post # 15
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

I just want to say that you absolutely do not have to stay with a man who refuses to love you in a way that you want/need to be loved. Don’t subject yourself to a lifetime of hurting because your Fiance won’t kiss you. I know that there is a man out there who will kiss you as much as you want to be kissed.




Find out if something else is going on BEFORE you are married to him. 


Post # 16
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If my Fiance did not kiss me after I had told him how much it bothers me I would seek counseling and hold off on wedding planning.  There must be something else going on. I’m sorry OP 🙁

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