(Closed) FI hasn't kissed me more than 3x in several years

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

oh this sounds crazy. kissing is a pretty big issue: isn’t it the one thing that women will break up with men most at the beginning? i can’t believe you’ve lasted this long. 

i couldn’t do it. i’d leave.

my Fiance said: why doesn’t he kiss her? that’s weird. maybe he doesn’t want to be with her anymore and doesn’t have the balls.

Post # 18
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

So if you’re not planning on leaving him, and if he won’t change, will he just stand there and stare at you when you get married and they say “You may now kiss the bride”?

I just can’t even fathom this. 

Post # 19
Member
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@sablemuse:  did we date the same guy?  i had one of those.  it was intimacy issues.

 

@anonybee726:  it definitely sounds like he has a problem with intimacy.  do the two of you still enjoy other areas of intimacy, snuggling, touching, sex?  is it just the kissing that’s lacking?  have you considered going to a therapist together? i truly think that you both need it.

i know that you love him and don’t want to leave him but when he is not providing you with something that you want and enjoy (yes, as simple as kissing), there is going to be future relationship problems. 

one day you will begin to resent him for this.  if things don’t change, the resentment will grow and fester into other areas of your relationship.  when you’ve finally had enough resentment, you will develop an “i don’t care anymore” attitude.  this attitude is only to cover or mask the hurt that you are still carrying.  it’s like putting a bandaid on a whole in the roof.  you can no longer see the whole but the roof will still leak when it rains.  it needs to be fixed.

good luck.  i hope that he admits that something is wrong and agrees to work on this area for the both of you.

Post # 20
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mypinkshoes:  I honestly think there are a lot of guys out there flying under-the-radar with intimacy issues because guys don’t get judged nearly as badly for withholding affection. The issue often gets turned onto the female in the relationship, which is frankly bullshit.

Now that I think about it, I dated two guys like this but the second guy was a long-term friend with benefits who wasn’t nearly as intimately handicapped, or perhaps way better at hiding it. The first was a tortured soul who was abused extensively as a child and at some point turned extremely mysogynistic. 

Post # 21
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@mepayne:  Hate to say it, but my first thoughts were the same as your guy’s. 

Please don’t bend over backwards to try and cut him all the slack in the world for this. You deserve the love and affection that you crave. Serious measures should be taken. Good luck, OP, I really hope you find yourself on the receiving end of better treatment soon, whether it be from your Fiance or another man who deserves you. 

Post # 22
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

@ms-valentine:  I would so do the childish option, myself lol

Post # 23
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@anonybee726:  Are you married yet?  If you aren’t even engaged, I’d just leave tomorrow.  If you are engaged, I would insist on premarital counseling and bring it up, if that didn’t solve it, call off the wedding.  If you are married, seek counseling.

There is something else going on.  Even though I hate seafood I will cook it for my husband because he likes it.  I don’t have to – he’s capable of cooking or going out to eat, but I want to do it for him.  Intimacy is much the same but so much more important.  My husband kisses me goodbye every morning.

Post # 24
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@anonybee726:  Honestly….this would bother me A LOT!! And the fact that he will let you beg for it and still refuse to do it or at least honestly explain what his problem is is a major douche move. I would probably allow myself to grow apart from him and then end it. 

Post # 25
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

I couldn’t be attracted to someone who was freaked out about kissing. But since you say you love him so much you could never consider leaving him, then I guess you’ll have to lower your expectations and make peace with the fact that there will not be any kissing in your relationship.

 

Post # 26
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I can’t even imagine this. We aren’t incredibly touchy feely, but not only can I not imagine going without a kiss for a week (let alone years) but if I was told “I don’t have to anymore” I would be heartbroken. What a cold thing to say.

 

I kind of agree with another Bee’s SO. He doesn’t sound like he loves you anymore.

Post # 27
Member
630 posts
Busy bee

We are the opposite – Darling Husband LOOOOVES kisses, me – I’m the “turn my head so his mouth hits my cheek” kind of girl.  He learned to stop taking it personally, I just don’t like having someone in my face.  It weirds me out.  It has nothing to do with him and I’m very affectionate with hugs, hand holding, snuggling on the couch… just don’t get in my face – I feel claustrophobic!(For the record – I used to kiss him more also, until I got comfortable enough to let him know that actually I wasn’t a fan.)

Post # 28
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This sounds like a huge red flag to me. Kissing is a sign of intimacy and affection- even when you’re old and gray and not able to get it on, you’ll still be able to kiss. I would absolutely be weary of someone who just WONT do it without a reason. I would suggest counseling- what is you were crying and getting this upset asking him to do something else and he just wouldn’t do it out of spite? That sounds like a recipe for resentfulness to me.

Post # 29
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I…wow. That’s super childish. HE might not care for it, but a relationship is a 2 way street. Go to councelling, talk to him more until he understands, something. Kissing is the gateway to intimacy. And even if it WASN’T you guys need to be on the same page. Unless he has a legitimate reason for not kissing you, this is sending up some red flags. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

Post # 30
Member
21 posts
Newbee

RED FLAG …BRIGHT RED 

Post # 31
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

I don’t see how you put up with that. He’ll have sex with you but not kiss you? Thats kinda Pretty Woman of him..

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