(Closed) FI having issues…

posted 6 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think wether he is depressed or just exhausted, visiting a counselor at school (if you have them) could be helpful, they could give him advice for managing time and stress and getting through this degree. I would not recomend going to the doctor for anti depressants at all. They’re meant to be used in conjunction with therapy, but doctors are very quick to just prescribe them and send you on your way. I’m not totally against them, they can help people who have a severe chemical imbalance, but I do take issue with how and why they’re prescribed, and I think most people who are mildly depressed would benefit more from counseling or therapy than drug therapy. 

ETA: I’ve been tempted by the idea of going to grad school just because my SO is likely going to be in school longer than me, but I’d really advise against taking on the expense/debt/stress of grad school unless you have really specific plans to do something with the degree. This is advice I got from current grad students who were starting to regret it a bit.

Post # 4
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@miss.wiggums:  When I was doing my engineering degree my housemate (also in eng) used to sleep instead of study when things got tough, eventually failing a course.  The following year, she did get anti-depressants and therapy sessions but only took the pills for a short time, about 3 months before going off of them (on her doctor’s advice) and she did much better and seemed much more stable for the rest of our degree program which was another 1.5 years, and ever since then has been fine, working, etc.

Anyways, the point of this anecdote is that he may need anti-depressants, but it doesnt mean he is going to have to take them ‘forever’ or even a very long time.  If he does need them at all, it will be in combination with seeing a therapist of some kind.

Regardless, he should go see his doctor, describe how he is feeling, see what they say and take it from there.  Also, if you are worried about a misdiagnosis, there is nothing to say that he can’t get the opinion of more than one doctor.  

Sorry that you are in a hard situation.  I hope it works out.

Post # 5
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Your diagnosing him before he has seen a doctor. His mom is right let the dr make the call also your experience with medication may not be his . Antidepressants have helped many people.

Post # 6
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

Please don’t diagnose him.  He needs to see a doctor and get a proper diagnosis and help.  Maybe he is anemic..  Maybe he is exhausted.  Maybe he is depressed.  But without tests and an examination no one can make a definitive diagnosis.  Also, please don’t let your hesitation with the use of anti-depressants get in the way of encouraging your Fiance to see a doctor.  In the end, that could hinder his progress towards resolution of this situation.  I hope everything works out for him.

Post # 8
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

yeah I cannot study this semester for some reason either. I’m not depressed and I’m not too tired either. I mean I am tired of school in general.  I am just not interested. I like my major and everything I just do not want to focus.  Nothing I can really do about it besides keep on truckin. I do my assignments on time, and getting Bs and A’s on tests. I just am not studying as hard as I should. School sucks, as long as he doesn’t start failing classes or start skipping classes he is prolly fine. I would just remind him of what his goals are, and why he is in school in the first place. 

Post # 9
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Don’t nag him to study.  He knows he should study.  If he’s exhausted all the time, have him see a doctor– maybe it’s a sickness, maybe it’s mental– either way, it’s for a doctor to determine. 

Additionally, anti-depressants work for a lot of people so I wouldn’t write them off just because you’ve heard some bad anecdotes.

Post # 10
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Speaking from personal experience with depression, I think I agree with the other bees that he needs to go see his doctor.  

I spiralled out of control into depression along with being anemic and my fiance (now husband), his father died suddently and it just was the final straw.  We went to go see the doc and took a test and spoke at length about what was going on, symptoms and options.  Especially with my anemia… I was lethargic, napping for hours, going ot bed early, not enjoying anything anymore and my focus was lost completely and my work suffered.

(Also keep in mind I have also spoken to a counselor and was told I was showing “signs” of despression but she put me on a fitness regimine first and foremost… I worked out 4 times a week and didn’t improve as I was getting worse and worse.)

So yeah, with our wedding looming, and after talking with the doc, anti-depressants were the best option for me and my Fiance and we decided with our doc’s guidance to go on them, and after the 2-week period I couldn’t believe how much better I started to feel.  I started to smile again, things didn’t seem so “bad” and even my paranoia or bad feelings went away and even though I still struggle with tiredness because I am anemic, they have been the best thing for me, and us!  Got through the wedding stress so well!

Best part is, the doc will wean us off them starting next month with a lower dose and then after 6 months we should be able to try going off of them.

 

LONG STORY SHORT (sorry bees, just trying to help!)… have a doc do the deciding about what is up and I hope that somehow your Fiance gets the help he needs one way or another! 

 

<3

Post # 11
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

The 3rd year of engineering is really like year 4 of a normal program and hes done 3 years before that. Thats crazy amount of school. Honestly, I’d leave him be. Everyone gets burnt out, its stressful and tiring. Quite frankly it felt like I was always in school, in some sort of lab, using my stupid calculator or writing a report. Lunch and dinner were the highlights of my day. Having friends in the program helped completely, I hope he has friends as well.

Is he doing an internship? Maybe getting some real world experiance would boost his morale? Also I found the busier I was the better at studing I was – becuase I didn’t have any free time.

Post # 12
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

By The Way, some people have to stay on anti-depressants for years, if not their whole lives. Depression is sometimes a chemical imbalanace that counseling does not help.

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