Post # 1
Just feeling a little hurt. Fiance and I have barely spent any alone time together in the last little while. Over the holidays we were constantly visiting people; we went on a trip to visit my family from away, and have been working steadily since we’ve gotten home. Last night he said he wanted to head out with the guys to play some hockey, which is fine… he left around 6 and didn’t get home until about 2am. (went drinking afterwards)
Today, I wanted to get some cleaning of our apartment done and take down our Christmas tree (finally) and have been telling him this for a few days. He told me that he wanted to go play hockey again with the guys, which quite frankly I was a little bit annoyed with, and hurt.. because I figured he’d want to spend a day with me, especially since he just saw the same guys last night. I told him about my feelings, and that I have too much to do in the next few days so this was the only time we could really spend time with one another, but he said that he was still going. so here I am, cleaning our apartment by myself, and feeling a litte resentful of the fact that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.
At one point during our argument he got upset and yelled that he would just stay home.. but after all of that, I would just feel guilty, so I told him to leave. He makes me feel like a crazy person sometimes! Does anyone else ever have this happen? I really look forward to spending alone time with my Fiance but it rarely happens… and when it does it usually involves him sitting in front of his xbox.
Post # 3
It sounds like you two should schedule some down time together, no xbox, no social visits, phones off. You both soon like you need to reconnect. What about a nice dinner and a board game or just cuddle up and watch a movie together? My Darling Husband works a lot, and sometimes I get annoyed when he makes time for his friends and I feel at the bottom of the list, but I also try to remember that he needs to blow off steam. He can do that in a different way with his buddies than he can with me. I’ve also found that for Darling Husband, “quality time” to him seems to mean that we’re in the same room together, even if we’re not interacting. Like right now, we’re each on laptops on the same couch. I wouldn’t call that meaningful quality time, but to him, it counts, lol! Guys just think of things a little differently some times. Just try to carve out some time just for you guys and you’ll get back on track 🙂
Post # 4
Sorry i am going to be the devils advocate. Stay home and clean the apartment with you…play hockey with the boys. I dont see any issue. He needed to get out of the apt and relax and thats fine.
My SO went away to his hunt camp this weekend. While we have been very busy lately i didnt mind. I get alone time with our puppy and to get some house work done. He will text me. He will be home tomorrow. I’m not concerned with it.
Maybe ask him to set up a date night this week to look forward to?
I know you’re feeling hurt but maybe this is a perfect opportunity to do some things you like to do that he doesnt or see your own friends?
Post # 5
I wouldn’t be complaining about the spending time issue because guys do see that differently and they do need their ‘let off steam’ time. My issue I have is, if the house needs to be cleaned, he needs to set his priorities with the house and with me before he commits to his buddies or some other ‘leisure activity’. I would be fine if he hung out with his buddies because I like my alone time, but I want him to have his priorities straight and everything in order before he leaves me to pick up the slack for him. It’s not my job to clean our house while he’s out enjoying himself. And I agree that ‘our time’ doesn’t count if he’s sitting on a computer (thankfully he doesn’t play games or I really never would see him).
Post # 6
@ananeele: I think that’s what annoys me so much. When I got upset, he also said that he would help clean tomorrow, but I want it done today! I don’t want to sit in a pigsty the whole day and he knows that… he probably figures It’ll be clean before he gets back haha. I guess it’s jus a pet peeve of mine, and I don’t feel that it’s fair that he gets to go off and have fun while I’m left here at home with all the responsability.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn
Don’t clean the whole apartment while he plays hockey. You’re not his mom- he has to be an adult and take care of his own space.
If I were you I’d do my half of the work and then go out to coffee with friends or spend time on my own hobbies. Yes, he has the right to alone time but so do you!
Post # 8
My Fiance and I have this discussion all the time!!!! I work 6 days a week and go to university. He works 35 hours a week. On his days off he gets to sit around, play xbox and relax cause he deserves to relax on his days off. On my day off, I get to clean the house and go grocery shopping! If our days off dont jive then I do all the cleaning. If he is off Saturday he helps…… somehow this does not work for me…..
Post # 9
@abluebride: Totally. And tomorrow football is on so (and we’ll have our bonding time while he sits on the couch and I glare at the mess I’m sitting in), then it’s Monday, but oh wait, he’s working. Then it’s next weekend, but you or he have plans. Then it’s the next weekend. Believe me, I don’t buy the ‘do it tomorrow’ excuse anymore. 3 weeks ago I put 10 30 gallon boxes of junk in the middle of the living room. He hasn’t looked in any of them since he moved into his place in 2002. They are all still sitting there -in the middle of the living room. I didn’t want to toss it because some of it might have sentimental value to him. He has until Monday and I don’t care what is in there, I’m going to the dumpster (which will irritate me more because I have to drag them all down 3 flights of stairs, to my car, and then drive to the dump -multiple times since they all won’t fit in my car in one trip). There is always another tomorrow. I know how that game works. I play it with my workouts.