FI INSISTS on having more bridesmaids

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Only pick people you are actually close to. Don’t chose someone just because of family connections. That’s usually a cause for a ton of headaches and there’s so many people who come on here with a lot of bridesmaid regrets.

If your fiancé wants them in the wedding party so bad, then he can have them as groomswomen on his side. 

Post # 3
Member
6658 posts
Bee Keeper

FI’s sister, sure, if you expect little/nothing of her and are willing to cover her costs. FSIL? Nope. College friend you haven’t spoken to in a year? No way. Smaller wedding parties are so much easier. Your Fiance can have ushers if he wants to involve a number of friends in the wedding. They do not all have to be GMs and the sides do not have to match. 

Post # 5
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

bridesmaidnomore44 :  there *can* be more than one usher, but unless your ceremony is in a very traditional church or the seating is confusing for some reason, an usher really just seems like a made up job and not necessary. If you/your Fiance aren’t close enough to someone to have them in the wedding party, it’s best to just let them be a guest and not make up jobs. 

Why can’t you have your male best friend be a bridesman? It’ll help even out sides too. 

Post # 6
Member
9756 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

You can have your male best friend on your side as a bridesman. Don’t have anyone you don’t want on your side. Are you making him have anyone on his side he isn’t close to? I doubt it. He picks his side, you pick yours.

Post # 8
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I had 4 bridesmaids to my DH’s 6 groomsmen! I’m a big believer that the two parties absolutely do not have to be equal. It is entirely up to you who you want standing by your side on your wedding day. 

Post # 9
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

bridesmaidnomore44 :  who cares what his family thinks? It’s a friend who happens to be standing on your side. 

If the bridesmaids are in black, grey, brown or navy, he would be in a matching colour suit. If they have a different colour, his accessories would match and be slightly different from the groomsmen. The reverse is true for groomsmen. 

Post # 10
Member
411 posts
Helper bee

Google ‘bridesman’ there’s tonnes of beautiful pictures of mixed gender bridal/wedding parties.

Don’t worry about your ILs, have the people who mean the most to you stand with you that day.

Post # 11
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

Your future SIL’s should definitely be in the wedding in my opinion.  Family is family!  

Post # 12
Member
2658 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Your FI needs to butt out – he decides on his side, you decide on yours. The sides don’t have to be equal, nor do they have to be made up of only men or women. Personally, I’d have your sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, your male best friend as a bridesman and perhaps your Future Sister-In-Law (FI’s sister). Don’t ask the friend you haven’t spoken to in over a year or the other Future Sister-In-Law. The only reason I say perhaps ask your FI’s sister is because it would obviously mean a lot to him if you asked her, but you obviously have concerns about her being able to afford it. Could you perhaps ask her but say there’s no pressure to accept or to be involved in anything other than turning up to the wedding?

Post # 13
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Bridesmaids and groomsmen are something a bride and groom has no choice over who the other is picking, because these are people close to YOU. You can’t decide his groomsmen and he can’t decide your bridesmaids so don’t get pressured into choosing people you don’t want.

Post # 14
Member
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

What fallout are you anticipating from having a bridesman?  I can’t imagine.  Unless you think they’d have some problem with you having a male friend in general, in which case, umm how do I put this gently…fuck them?

If he’s super-close to his sister and SIL then sure, I can see giving in in the spirit of compromise. But the college friend is just ridiculous.  I wouldn’t ask someone I haven’t spoken to in a year to drive me to the airport, much less be a bridesmaid.  If he’s so dead-set on even sides he can feel free to cut out some of his groomsmen.

Post # 15
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’m in a similar position as you, so I understand your feelings. I’m lucky because my fiancé has 3 sisters, and I only need to come up with 1-3 bridesmaids of my own (so far I have 1). He’s having 6 groomsmen. 

I’ve been to weddings where men stand on the bride’s side. It’s not a big deal at all! Just have his tie match the color of the bridesmaid dress(es). As for your fiancé’s sister and SIL, I would ask the sister for sure if I were you. Traditionally, the bride’s siblings and groom’s siblings are part of the wedding party. As long as she’s planning on coming, wearing a dress in a color/style you choose won’t be that much of a burden. She doesn’t need to do anything except wear it and show up, so it doesn’t really matter that you two aren’t that close. You could also have your fiancé talk to her about being in the wedding so that you don’t have to worry about how to ask her. If he’s close to her, it shouldn’t be a problem for him to. For the SIL, that’s up to you, but I wouldn’t feel obligated to ask her. I would not ask the college friend. 

 

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