(Closed) FI invited the girl he used to hook up with… would you be okay with this?!?

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hey, if its only family and close friends she shouln’t be coming, especially ifyou’ve never met her.  I totally understand where you’re coming from.

I know it’s poor ettiquette, but if this is going to affect your happiness on you wedding day perhaps its best she doesn’t come.  It’s not fair on you, when the invtes went out you understood her to be a friend.

I don’t think you need to worry though, hes no seen her in 18 months and obviously didn’t think she was important enough to mention it.

Good luck x

Post # 33
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Its your wedding and you can uninvite anyone you want! A good rule of thumb: if you’ve slept with the groom before your not invited. She’ll understand and if she doesn’t who cares!

Post # 34
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

I understand why you’re upset, but I’d have no issues with her attendance personally. The fact that he neglected to inform you of their prior relationship I think is an issue so at least you could’ve been aware and have discussed your feelings with Fiance prior to her being invited. Obviously, he is there to marry you, and I’m sure the f-buddy girl will be the last thing on his mind.

On another note, Fiance is friends still with the friend of his who introduced us that was my f-buddy for a few months prior to getting together with Fiance, and he is totally ok with it. Whether or not you can handle it depends on the kind of person you are, IMO.

Post # 35
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with you completely; she should not be on your wedding guest list. I think that under the circumstances she should not have accepted the invitation, but that is hindsight. The invitation has been extended and accepted.

Your FH needs to account for his actions and explain to her (in front of you, as a couple) that he was not completely honest with YOU when he invited her. Hopefully she will understand and choose not to attend. This is the man you will spend the rest of your life with – honesty is key.

Here’s a suggestion for the phone call that must be made immediately: “XXX, hi, this is XXX. When I invited you to OUR wedding, I was not completely honest with my financee. She did not know that we were more than friends just before I met HER MY FUTURE WIFE, and under the circumstances, and because I love her, I think it would be best for all if you didn’t attend.”

UGH (little puff of smoke above my head).

 

 

Post # 36
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

One of the members of my wedding party and I used to have a friends with benefits kind of relationship. However, we were friends first and remain good friends to this day. Fiance knows about our past and has even hung out with this guy and they like each other. I gues I understand that it’S kind of weird to think about the fact that this woman has seen your future husband naked but I’m sure she’s not the only one and I believe adults can be friends even if they were intimate at some point, possibly even more so because of the past.

Post # 37
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

View original reply
@chelseamorning:  Great post!

@OP:  Since she’s already on the guest list, there really isn’t a whole lot you can do about it, regardless of how it makes you feel.  It’s a sucky situation, but hopefully Fiance understands your sensitivity about it and will be more careful about those situations in the future.

Post # 38
Member
2536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I went to a wedding where I, a good friend of mine, and the groom’s first girlfriend were all there. The 1st girlfriend was even a groomswoman. At my wedding, I’ll have the groom of that wedding there and, possibly, one of the band members. Both I actually dated meaning that it was more than buddies. McGroom invited an ex whom he lived with for years and wanted going to marry, but she can’t make it.

It doesn’t bother us because that was the past. We are the future. Just because we dated someone doesn’t mean that our friendship is any less meaningful. Obviously, we’re dated for a reason and now, we gained a friendship from it.

As long as there’s trust, who someone is friends with now doesn’t really matter.

Post # 39
Member
420 posts
Helper bee

Not cool. Not for him to invite the bootay call, and not cool for her to want to come-let alone, come. In any case… She probably wants to show up, desperately, in her hot pink tube top dress and sip wine. Who cares. Let her. He left her in the dust. He is MARRYING you. He LOVES you. It will be very big of you to smile at her and shake her hand.

The last thing you want is for her to think she came between you and or caused problems. As much as I personally would want to pick up the phone, and in a very Impolite way, un-invite her butt, I would refrain. There is nothing worse than another woman, thinking she has an affect on your healthy relationship..

Ask him WHY he invited her– in a calm way— to avoid him getting the chance to wiggle his way out of a tough question. My guess is he did it to make you jealous. Which is childish-immature–and silly, but, it is human nature. Perhaps you brought up inviting your former flame, prior to him inviting his former bimbo, and he wanted to “get back at you”? Boys will be boys…

In any case, the most important case.. He is no longer with her. He ditched her.

He loves you, is marrying you, and that’s the end of her story with him.

Try not to get upset by this. The engagement process is a very emotional time, and try not to let her get to you.

HuGS

Post # 40
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t get WHY she was invited in the first place. Did you and Fiance not go over the guest list together before the invitations went out? Admittedly, he hasn’t seen her in years, and you have never even met her- she clearly hasn’t been part of his life or yours, so I am confused as to why she even made the guest list. Normally you only invite people to your wedding who are part of your life in some capacity, and your FI’s ex f-buddy doesn’t seem to fit the bill (especially when you didn’t even KNOW that’s the type of relationship he had with her!). 

I totally understand why you’re upset and would feel the same way. Even if your Fiance was ridiculous enough to invite her, SHE shouldn’t WANT to come- it’s weird. And honestly, we all KNOW how WOMEN are. If this girl, who has not been part of his life for years, who he used to have a purely sexual relationship with, is going to attend his wedding, without a date- she’s either lookin’ to stir the pot, or lookin’ to hook up with one of his friends. Sorry, that’s what I think. Most women are not that pure of heart. I think she has other intentions.

Post # 41
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

TOOOOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE. I would be pissed too.

Post # 42
Member
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

For me it was “no ex gf’s, no ex hookups, no ex crushes” allowed at our wedding. Somebody tried to bring one as their date and I vetoed it lying that “we don’t have room for a plus 1”. My husband also doesn’t get why it matters when to him it was all in the past and it wasn’t serious, but I told him before our wedding “I’m the bride, it’s my day, I spent my six months’ salary on this one day, about to tear my hair out planning the whole thing, so I get to be as unreasonable as I want!”. He got that and there were no more debates on the issue.

Post # 43
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We also had a “no ex GFs, no ex hookups, no ex crushes” rule.  Luckily, DH and I have both left the past in the past.  Neither one of us still keeps in touch with our exes. 

Post # 44
Member
1279 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would be more ok with it if it was someone I had met her already and knew that my FH was still keeping in touch her. As a general rule, I don’t want people at my wedding that I’ve never met before or do not keep in regular touch with (besides mine or FH’s family). But at the end of the day, he’s marrying you and what better way to prove to someone that you are over them than by inviting them to your wedding? However, you have every right to be upset and even request her being “disinvited”. I agree with most comments here that he most certainly should have told you about the nature of their relationship before sending the invitation. It’s one thing if he is still really good friends with her, but it puts you in an awkward situation and your FH’s prior conquests is the last thing you need to be thinking about on your wedding day.

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