(Closed) FI inviting his 'friends' who have caused me problems to his birthday night out.

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1499 posts
Bumble bee

Well, it’s his bday not yours. If he’s still friends with them then it makes sense for them to be there. 

You said this happened years ago, so it’s quite possible that their initial reactions to you two dating is all under the bridge for your Fiance. 

I get that it’s tough and you don’t like them, but these are his friends and if you two are going to be together you can’t tell him who he can and can’t be friends with. 

Post # 3
6018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017


Baal:  I don’t think you’re “wrong” for feeling how you feel because you are entitled to feel however you want. However, I don’t think it’s up to you to decide who he can and can’t be friends with. Or who he invites to his birthday outing. You have made your feelings on the issue clear and it’s up to him to decide what he wants to do. Clearly you have won since he’s your fiance now and your relationship has flourished. So if I were you I would go and enjoy the night with him and just do my best to smile in their faces and be, at most, polite to them directly. You don’t have to be friends with these women, but if your Fiance is choosing to still have a relationship with them, you should at least respect that. I’m not a fan at all of telling a grown adult who they can and cannot associate with, even if these people arent’ people I would choose for myself.

Post # 5
2958 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I think you are wrong. They are his friends, and it is his birthday shin-dig. You can put on a happy face for a few hours, you don’t even have to interact with them beyond a hello. 

Post # 6
458 posts
Helper bee

While it does suck that he chooses to continue being friends with them, that is just it “he chooses”. I understand disliking your fiance’s friends sometimes but it’s just the way it is. So my opinion would be suck it up and spend the night with them, you don’t have to be besties but you do have to tolerate them being there.

Post # 7
6110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013


I can’t for the life of me figure out why he even wants to be friends with these woman, but whatever. Aside from that, all you can do is tell your fiance how you feel about them (which it sounds like you already have) and let him decide what to do.

Post # 8
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

Baal:  Life is too short to be walking around carrying grudges.

Post # 10
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Forget about right and wrong, think about your life as a married couple.  

Are you comfortable with these women attending your wedding? Attending future birthdays? Seeing these women at parties? Having your husband associate them with or without you present?  If you’re not ok with this, you need to speak now or forever hold your peace.  Don’t spend your married life resentful just because you want to be nice or cool or whatever.  

Edit: I don’t care if it makes you a “bitch” or “controlling”, I think you have a right to request a partner to drop friends if they’re toxic to your relationship.    

  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  canadajane.
Post # 12
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Baal:  Anyone who says you deserved to lose your baby should not be anywhere near you. I absolutely cannot fathom why your Fiance speaks to them still after that was said.

Post # 13
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Baal:  while no you can’t dictate who your FI’s friends are, I would be hurt that my other half was choosing to remin friends with these women after the hurt they caused me. It’s not like they were kinda mean to you or smth silly they were straight up nasty. My happiness is the most important thing to my Fiance and he would never WANT to remain friends with anyone that tries tI Hurt me let alone our relationship. Honestly it’s on him to man up and defend you and your relationship and I would be upset too if I felt like he wasn’t making me a priority. I think it’s time for an honest convo, if he knows all the stuff these women did and still wants to be around them is that the kind of guy you want to marry?!?  

Post # 14
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

I would not be okay with my SO maintaining a friendship with people who treated me that way.  Its one thing to not like his friends and suck it up but I think if they have been disrespectful toward you they should not be invited.  The fact he even wants to invite them would be a problem for me.

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