(Closed) FI is blaming me for his share of the wedding work not getting done! (vent)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I agree- that’s totally not your responsibility! If I were you I’d make out a list of tasks for him and dates they were assigned and the dates they are due. Then you can just tell him to look at his task list, and he will see that it was completely his responsibility and it is his fault his friends didn’t get the Save-The-Date Cards. Also keep a list of all the things you are doing to show him how much work is involved. I think a lot of the time people who aren’t actively planning the wedding forget/don’t realize exactly how much time and effort is involved.

Good luck and Merry Christmas!

Post # 5
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh man, they’re not being reasonable here.  I agree that its not your responsibility.  They are held accountable for their guests, that should be a given.  I’m sorry they’re making things difficult.  I am horrible because I’d be like, oh well!  If they don’t get invited, its their fault!  My Fiance keeps saying how helpful he’d like to be, but when I gave him a “grooms to-do list” he actually had the nerve to say, “omg, why is this so long?”.  I wanted to gauge his eyes out.  The freakin list basically said, get tux, get gift for groomsmen, tell best man his responsibilities, get haircut.  How taxing is that?  Really?

Anyway, if you can, let it go.  Forget about those STD’s, hopefully he’ll realize he’s got to take care of them.  Enjoy your holiday :o)

Post # 6
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I totally agree! I was at first thinking that you did know who they were & you would be able to get their addresses – but since you’ve never even met these people you have NO way of getting their addresses?! Dang – Fiance needs to tighten up!!

He doesn’t need to make YOU look bad…he should’ve just said something like “not everyone got a STD because we didn’t have time to get all addresses” or something like that…I mean, it’s BOTH of yalls responsibility…not just yours!! And for him to put you down like that, that’s just wrong!

Fiance had to get some addresses for me and I did have to tell him a few times, but I asked him ahead of time and he was able to get them for me..apparently yours just felt he didn’t need to. That P.O.’s ME off!

I’m sorry girl! I would seriously either talk to you Fiance and tell him how it is…(which I’m sure you’ve already done), or get the ppl’s #’s from your Fiance for the addresses you didn’t get, and let them know what’s up! I’d fight right back. 🙂

Whatever you do – I hope it doesn’t make you look bad. This is a tuffy! Good luck girl!

Post # 7
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, your Fiance is definitely not being reasonable here. Did he ever actually agree to get the addresses? It sounds like he doesn’t even want to verbally accept the responsibility 🙁 I hope you can make him see the light and understand that getting HIS guests’ addresses is HIS job, not yours. Maybe show him a wedding planning book or something? This works with my Fiance sometimes – he might not listen to me, but if I show him some authoritative source, he’ll believe me.

PS If those guests have any sense, they won’t blame you for this – I don’t think many of them were expecting a random stranger to actually call them up for their addresses.

Post # 10
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I got really frustrated with WG before coming up with a system that worked for us: about once a week I’d send him an email with an updated task list. There was usually an “OVERDUE” section, a “This week” section and a “This month” section, so he could see what was coming up. “Overdue” would be things like getting addresses, “This week” would usually be fairly small tasks like “Choose Groomsmen gifts.” The month tasks were bigger, like “research bands” or “get Mother-In-Law started on her Rehearsal Dinner guest list.”

I’m not saying that our system has to work for everyone, but I do recommend having a system other than telling him things when you think of them – I was all wedding-brain all the time, but WG never remembered the squillion things I said at assorted times throughout the day – he needed them all in one place.

Post # 11
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I was having the same problem getting name spelling and addresses from Future Mother-In-Law and Fiance. Finally, I just called Future Mother-In-Law one evening, when I knew she was home, and said, “Oh, I’m just calling to get those addresses from you.” And stayed on the phone while she read them all out to me.

I couldn’t handle just waiting (for over a month) for the addresses, and Fiance has man-brain and just doesn’t get that it’s important! Love him to death, he can kill spiders with the best of them, but no so much for sending STD’s!

Post # 12
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with worcesterbride‘s strategy. The way my fiance’s brain works, if I just tell him to do something, he’ll forget and it will never get done. But his intentions are good. So, we now keep a running list – written down – of wedding tasks that need to be completed, organized by due date. And if something is solely his responsibility, I make sure he knows that. This also keeps the “But it’s soooooooo much to do” whining to a minimum, since he sees that my list is about 28971 times longer than his.

In regards to your original complaint – if I were a friend of the groom and I had never gotten a STD and he was all “I’m not in charge of getting addresses”, I would assume that he was full of crap and had failed to give my address to his fiancee. I most definitely would NOT assume that his fiancee was a b*tch. Really, there’s only so much that the bride can do in regards to the groom’s side of things.

Post # 14
Member
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

haha that would make me have a melt down and do the list thing.  I’m very grateful that my husband was 50/50 on everything.  I could not have planned it alone, and i wouldn’t have wanted to – I would have resented the process and not had a fun time with it.  Get your man on track and have him be accountable!  Tough love!

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