(Closed) FI is now unemployed AND failing out of school…..great.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Do you have most of the wedding paid for or just downpayments? Or is it just manual labor things like putting favors together etc? If it is just manual labor, I would see if your Maid/Matron of Honor or your mom could even help you put that stuff together.

If not, I am in the same situation, and what benefited me was starting to pay for the wedding early, taking out so much money per paycheck to pay for everything. Maybe Fiance could get a job that isn’t in his field for the time being until the wedding is over. Is there any way that he can go into his next year of education without passing this one course and possibly coming back to it later?

Make sure you don’t focus all of your time on wedding stuff. I find if I do that, I get overwhelmed easy. Especially when it is about money. Go do something you enjoy or go for a run or something that won’t make you think about it. Everything will work itself in the end. Just have faith. I am so sorry about your situation though and I am sending some goodluck your way 🙂

Post # 4
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am so sorry you’re going through this.  There was a time there where my Fiance was just sabotaging himself in regards to finishing school (ONE class away from graduating and he just stopped going) and it was so unbelievably frustrating.  What’s his excuse for failing?  If the classes are major-specific then he should consider changing his major.  I wish you luck & I hope your situation improves!!!

Post # 5
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I dealt with my husband being unemployed for 15 of the 17 months we were engaged.  It was extremely difficult to deal with considering we were paying for the wedding ourselves.  Do you think he might be flunking because he’s depressed or there is something else going on?  Stay strong!  It’s such a difficult time.  I tried to think that if we could make it through the unemployment before we were married it really said a lot about the strength of our relationship.  Thankfully you have over a year to figure things out.  Oh, one thing that really helped me was counseling.  Unemployment is as hard on the significant other as it is on the person who is jobless–just in different ways.  Best wishes to you!

Post # 6
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Has your Fiance considered taking any job?

What I mean by this, is my husband and I went through a very difficult time when my non-profit lost grants and my position was turned into a part time/ contract position. My goal was to stay in my career field, but nothing was biting – before I knew it my contract was up & I didn’t have a job. So although I had been applying for jobs for about 2 months, it was clear that I no longer had time to wait for a position I wanted but rather needed to work ANYWHERE. I have a college degree and was applying at retail & grocery stores. I ended up back in corp sales (which is what I did right out of college) and was a field that I did NOT want to be in, but I took it b/c the financial stress was becoming too much for my husband (we had just bought a house, had an agreement w/ contractors to re-do our kitchen, put in wood floors, etc AND we still paid 3 months rent for our apt in addition to our mortgage) so needless to say my husband was spread thin.

So, I share this story b/c although I didn’t want to work at the places I applied, and felt that my education level was more deserving, I had to put my pride in the backseat and do what was best for me & my husband. So, if your Fiance isn’t currently in this position – I would talk to him and tell him to work anywhere, doesn’t matter where, but anywhere…..

Post # 7
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yikes, that’s rough. Is he job-hunting only in a specific field?

Post # 8
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Wow… that is rough

Fiance and I both had a rough time with school.  But being older, I had graduated right before we met he finished his associates that semester and than went away to school to get his bachelors. So not only did I get to watch him make the same mistakes as I made, I got to deal with LDR thing too. We had a big fight after 2 years when I found out that he needed 3 more semesters and again after summer school when he still needed more. Eventually he came home and did a winter session at a local school, nothing during spring and finally finished with online classes last summer.  During this time he did his best to keep working, but there was often time in between each of his lousy jobs. 

It’s hard to keep pushing when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.  If you don’t know what you are working for, why work so hard. At least thats how I see  it for both Fiance and myself. With him, I pushed and I pushed and when he wanted to give up, I would tell him that he was giving up everything, including us. (Don’t do that, I was mean)  But we never fought so much as we did over school… I wanted him done so we can get on with our lives. But enough about us…

First off, he needs to figure out what is holding him back. If the classes are hard for him, going for tutoring would help, but if it’s a lack of motivation, that will take a lot more work. Also, what his degree will be in has very little importance, less the 30% of people actually work in the field that they went to school for. Maybe he can change his major to something that will utilize as many of his credits as possible. Cutting down the time he has left.

Unemployment can definitely lead to depression and that will not help the school situation. Maybe he can check out a temp agency or even look into something seasonal. It’s probably not the ideal situation, but being busy is good for the brain and the pay check doesn’t hurt.

Things will get better, try to remember that.  And sorry for writing a book.

Post # 9
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

College isn’t for everyone, maybe he’s just not cut out for the workload and commitment necessary to complete his higher education goals.  That wasn’t mean to be snarky, but unless he’s taking one class at a time per semester, four years for an AA is a bit much.  If you grow up every day saying “I’m going to be an astronaut” but then you can’t pass the physical, maybe it’s time to rethink the astronaut goal.  Also, is he changing majors to one he thinks will be easier, instead of one he really likes?  I hate to say it, but the “easier” majors are the ones who sometimes have the hardest times finding jobs after graduation, so then the time, effort, and money they put into the degree wasn’t worth it in the end.

There are probably lots of jobs that your Fiance can get that he truly likes that don’t require a degree. Maybe they won’t rake in boatload of cash, but he’ll be at least fulfilled emotionally, as well as contributing to the household.

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