(Closed) FI is pissing me off!!

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
11389 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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leighleigh88 :  he’s having trouble telling you because you asked him not to.

i mean, it’s really very simple. 

Post # 47
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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leighleigh88 :  you say he is an honest trustworthy guy so why are you worried? He was probably just looking up some eye candy or he may have accidentally clicked on her profile when looking for someone else. If you trust him then why not take it at face value instead of repeatedly asking and interrogating him hoping that he will slip up  and admit the truth. 

A few months ago I watched divergent on TV and totally got a celeb crush on the guy who plays ‘four’ I looked him up on my phone to oogle him and to find out who he was. My hubby used my phone afterwards and thought it was hilarious when he saw my search history. It was no biggie and it meant nothing….so much so that I can’t even remember this actors name!!!

Address what the real issues are in your relationship and try to work out why stuff like this makes you uncomfortable and worried. You may have a valid reason for feeling like this with your fiancé but a good relationship is based on trust and respect and it sounds like you dont trust him and he doesn’t respect your boundaries on things like this.

For what it’s worth…I find it distasteful when an adult follows 20,000 hot people on Instagram or only likes booby women or shirtless men selfies on Facebook. If your Fiance was excessive on stuff like that in the past then I get your reaction. Only you know the complete story and the why….

Post # 48
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

If I used instagram you’d probably see a lot of muscular naked guys because… I’m big into fitness and triathon and weightlifting.  When I see a shirtless six-packed ab on the Internet, I’m thinking…. calorie restriction, how many reps, etc.  Muscles mean motivation and calories and workouts for me, not a hot body.  Unless they’re out in the sun, then I guess they WOULD be a hot body.

Post # 49
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

So to prove he loves you, he had to delete a load of people off social media. That sounds like a healthy start to a relationship. 

Seriously, with each update I feel more sorry for the poor man. He’s removed people from social media, has to work a don’t ask don’t tell policy with any porn and is now having hisaccounts monitored. 

You’re risking pushing him away if this continues.

Post # 50
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee

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leighleigh88 :  I would be completley pissed off if this girl was someone he knew in real life, dated, slept with and had some sort of past relationship with. But the fact she is instagram famous makes me wonder why you care so much. This is stemming from insecurities. He’s with you for a reason right? Trust me when you see a hot guy at Starbucks, don’t tell me you don’t look? There is nothing wrong with looking. We are all humans. I don’t think his action granted the reaction out of you. Ok, so maybe he’s lying about looking her up. But in all honesty if I knew you were going to yell at me over something so mundane I probably would lie about it too. Also, instagram only saves VERY recent searches if you’re wondering; so it’s possible he looked her up in the last 7-10 days. Again, that doesn’t matter.

This is a VERY childish thing to be bothered about, I get you’re pregnant but still. Maybe put off the wedding; because a baby with two immature parents is a recipe for disaster.

EDIT: I just saw you’re update.

You’re relationship is unhealthy. If you’re uncomfortable and have to police his online activity then you have some issues that you need to take care of first. You need to learn to love yourself; before you can love anybody else. You honestly think if he REALLY wanted to talk/see/creep profiles that he won’t do it anyways? You’re making a grown man unfollow people because of you’re insecurities. This sounds like my baby sister’s relationship. They are 16!

Post # 51
Member
585 posts
Busy bee

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leighleigh88 :  Are you more concerned with him saying you’re right, and he did search her, or that he searched her? becaues it seems like you just want to be right and punish him…

Post # 52
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

If you don’t want to know about it, why are you digging for it?

Post # 53
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee

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cmsgirl :  I did the same thing… about four. Only it was a couple weeks ago. I watched the Divergent series in a matter of a weekend. Originally I wanted to watch because I have a thing for Jai Courtney after seeing him in the new terminator…. 

Post # 54
Member
617 posts
Busy bee

You said you don’t want to know about his porn use and what he looks at but you snoop through his phone and look for it? 

Post # 55
Member
892 posts
Busy bee

even IF he is lying about the girl, I find it confusing. I don’t think what he did is that big of a deal (but I would be pissed about the lying). honestly, I find your snooping to be way worse. you sure do seem ready for marriage. 

Post # 56
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2002

You really don’t sound ready for a serious relationship,  because none of this is serious. 

You are going to run off a good man.

Try nurturing your relationship rather than picking it to death.

Post # 57
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

i get it. its disrespectful and some of the shit on IG is borderline porn, and not soft porn either. i think it depends on what your boundaries are and for this particular OP, she doesnt like it. he should hear her and stop looking at that crap. if everyone else is ok with their SO’s sitting around oogling naked girls then so be it, but this girl isnt ok with it and she is entitled to feel that way. i dont think it has to do with insecurities at all because i am very, very secure with myself but if my husband did this, i would be super offended-especially because i know what a catch i am tongue-out

OP: i would talk to him calmly and tell him you find it disrespectful. would he be ok with you looking at naked men? would he be ok with other men oogling your goodies? sometimes men just need to hear it in a different angle. 

Post # 58
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

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alliegeeb :  The thing is we don’t KNOW her partner has been ‘oggling’ other women. We know that there’s a search of one girl who the OP has decided is a slut. 

She’s very much ‘I trust my man… but there’s all these women who I think are attractive who might just ruin everything. And if I limit how much interaction my man has with other women then I can continue to tell the world I trust him’ If she didn’t consider these women attractive I’m convinced there’d be no post. It’s all about insecurity. 

Many of us would give different advice if the problem was partner and I agreed no porn but there’s loads of naked photos’. 

Post # 59
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Mountain out of a mole hill much? I’d hate to see how you handle real life problems if IG search history is this big of a deal. 

Post # 60
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

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Speck_ :  “I write the word “slut” on my forehead with my lipstick before applying medium-coverage foundation and setting powder. That way it’s a slutty undertone and not a slutty overtone (which I save for weekends etc) where the writing is applied last. Hope that helped! “

+ 10000000000000000   Thank You for clarifying. Love this post laughing

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