(Closed) FI is ready to disown his family, and I'm supremely hurt

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Let it go. 40 people for a party doesn’t sound that bad. It’s not like nobody came. You can still have a bridal shower if you want since lots of people couldn’t come, and have it in the city you live in.

I wouldn’t be disappointed in the money, really wedding fundraising seems weird.

 

Post # 5
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012 - Watch tower lodge, Black hawk state Park Rock Island, IL

@Treeline:  she did have it in the town she lived in, thats why her Fiance family decided it was “to far”. and shes not upset over not getting money shes upset her MOH’s money was stolen. 

OP im sorry things fell apart and i would be upset also, at my first wedding my future Brother-In-Law had money stolen out of the inside pocket of his jacket( he had it on the back of his chair while he was dancing) so i totally understand how upset you are that someone would do that on such a special day, even for a party. and to have that many people say they were coming and then bail is aweful…hugs to you 

Post # 6
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@capergrrl:  We can’t pick their family. If we could my Fiance would have a brand spanking new one by now.

The good side is now you know who NOT to invite to the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@penguinof3:  

@capergrrl:  

@Treeline:  

OP, I understand why you are disappointed…. For everyone else, in areas where a Jack and Jill is common, it is not weird (Treeline!) but the commonly accepted norm…. Families, friends, the whole community comes together to celebrate and help the new couple. You go to a ton of these events over the years and people return the favour – they come to yours even if they are not invited to your wedding. In rural areas this is one way to have a party, have some good time on a weekend AND to support the c ouple to be married…..Considering the whole community comes together to celebrate you, the least that can be expected that your family is there to support you. I can feel your FI’s pain, OP. The “too far” excuse form his family was pathetic  (guess you don’t have to go to the next event they organize…?) and so is Future Sister-In-Law stealing money…and what loving brother gets SUPER drunk on an important event like this? Your Future Sister-In-Law needs to be confronted –  even if you don’t have 100% proof –  she needs to know you have your suspicions….and your Brother-In-Law needs to know you are both disappointed in his behaviour!

At least this is what I would do. Easier to type than to do I know…. Embarassed

 

I would possibly consider eloping.

Pineapple

Post # 8
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I moved to my area 20yrs ago and these things are common here (stag and does), however most of my circle of friends don’t have them. I have been to many though to support the people I know need them to make a nice wedding possible.

Any of the ones I’ve been to in or very close to the city (same scenario as you – live in the city but surrounded by many small communities within 20-30 min drive) have absolutely paled in comparison to the ones I’ve been to in the smaller communities.

What happened to you is really shitty and I understand the hurt you and Fiance must be feeling at the moment however I think some perspective is needed.

You are right, the location was the issue – if you had left it alone at the small firehall you would have had a much different experience. The small community stag and does are MUCH more successful because S&Ds are THE main social events in these small towns, and everyone comes out to support them. That is why they are so successful. Typically those attendees would never consider carpooling or cabbing it to a city to attend one. City events have a different vibe, whereas the small community ones are a local event, they can get absolutely ripped and it feels more to them that they are supporting one of their own. This is probably why Future Mother-In-Law was not motivated when the location changed, while she probably agreed to the change to appease you I bet she knew from many years of attending them that it wouldn’t be the same as a hometown event and would be hard to rally people to get there.

While you didn’t make much money and the whole Future Sister-In-Law possible theft is a completely different issue, you did achieve what you had wanted in terms of avoiding local drunks etc. so to that end it was a success for you. In doing that however you sacrificed the attendance and $$$ from the locals as well.

 

Something to consider before disowning anyone. I’m surprised your Fiance doesn’t realize this, usually the local guys are the most passionate about keeping it at home, so much so that I have been to several S&Ds in the smaller communities where my city girlfriends were marrying locals and the guys knew an at home S&D would be much more successful than having it in the city so they actually put on school buses to trek us all out to the local hall and bring us back to a central city location at the end of the night. While most of the city folks are kind of horrifed about the school bus the first time they go to one, after that any time you hear of one they are all over getting tickets and going as they end up being something you would never normally go to and are so much fun. You can let your hair down and know no one cares because the local drunks are usually waaay worse.

You had some people show up, not a total failure, know that you changed the rules for this J&J and it’s not entirely everyone elses fault and move on and enjoy the rest of your planning 🙂

 

Post # 11
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@capergrrl:  You’re welcome. I’m by no means saying the overall night wasn’t a bit of a sh*tty experience for you and it would have been nice if people made an effort to break out of their bubble so that part really does suck.

I can’t even say anything about the theft because that is just above and beyond comprehension. Awful.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Pineapplepaper:  I still think it’s weird. A wedding is a party hosted by the groom/bride/families to celebrate their union and everyone else is an invited guest. The guests shouldn’t have to pay for the party that’s why I think it’s weird. Are they supposed to bring wedding gifts as well?

Just because something is common doesn’t make it unquestionable. In the US the garter toss is very common but I still think that’s weird so I won’t be doing it.

Post # 15
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That is a pretty poo situation. I don’t have anything to add for advice other than what’s already been said. Best of luck with everythihng, I hope it all turns around. You seem to have an awesome support group (your close friends and parents); some things we take for granted until we’re faced with a situation like yours.

We had a j&j. They’re super common where we’re from as well. I find its common in smaller communities to come together to support people like couples. Its also a common occurence to help out people with medical problems or hardships like house fires and things. I guess thats just the way to works in certain places. I’m sure it may seem strange to some but I don’t think it’s fair to put others down based on the fact that they like helping out the people in their communities. (not saying that’s what’s happening here of course but it could turn into that) And no… I’m not offended personally.

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