Post # 1
It’s only been a few weeks since my engagement and the wedding planning process has had highs and lows. I really wanted a small wedding in my vision I wanted 24 people, a garden ceremony followed by a private dinner at a nice restaurant then to fly out the next day for a week long honeymoon. I discussed with Fiance and he vetoed that idea and wants the big production….the big wedding, big reception and lots of people….ive attempted to compromise on a medium size version and he agreed but keeps trying to figure out how to invite more people then I remind him we have a budget and a guest list of less than 140 and he says I’m being cheap and hes paying for half too …and really a big wedding… it’s not what I want….let me explain, I’m very shy and quiet unless I’m around people I know , I have two left feet, and I’m a bit of a perfectionist so from what I know about big weddings too much is needed and I don’t want to spend a year stressed out over things I can’t control. To make matters worse nosy relatives have started coming out the woodwork calling trying to get details.
I grew up with a small Midwest family and my relatives aunts, uncles, cousins, lived many states away, and frankly to be honest I really don’t care for my relative’s much a lot of them are materialistic, judgmental, and nosy. They are the kind of people that say one thing to your face then gossip about you behind your back. There are many of them and I’m sure most will come just to gawk …. My two closest friends both bailed on me before I got engaged. One was related to some bickering and jealousy over my pending engagement and the other had some personal problems and family issues. This left me with a much smaller group to choose from for bridesmaids of friends ive only met in the past 4 years… I only really have 2 maybe 3 and Fiance has like 6 people he wants as groomsmen!!?…..lastly Fiance is the complete opposite of the traditional “I don’t care weddings are for girls guy” In fact he has groomzilla tendencies showing already LOL I will explain… he completely wants to be involved we still haven’t decided on destination vs. local cuse I’m waiting on him he wants to look at all options and all the time I’m researching venues from out of state and running them past him. Then he comes up with other ideas or venues from other peoples weddings he wants for me to research…. mind you he isn’t doing any of the research just delegating…
One would think I would be excited but instead it’s making me annoyed because I kinda just want a yes man LOL I know I know shame on me… Now I’m worried I will have to compromise on “everything” and It won’t feel like my day… so I tried to distract him by giving him the photographer, officiat, and DJ assignments. The he informed me he was not going with professionals but semiprofessionals and this got me really tense! We are on a tight budget but I still want the most bang for my buck. When I explained this to him he got upset and assured me that his two best friends are party DJ’s and have also done weddings (true) and it’s not rocket science. At that moment I couldn’t explain to him that I was mainly nervous that if the person wasn’t professional they would have us dancing to gangster rap at our ceremony, so I dropped it…Plus I didn’t want to insult him since he already seemed insulted…..sigh… I guess my question is anyone else got an over eager Fiance ????? How are you working things ou???? I don’t want him to think I don’t want his input…..But is it awful that I want to plan the details and not run everything past him? What to do here ladies sugestions? feel free to tell me if i’m being neurotic…LOL
Post # 3
I think you should write down everything you want to say to him, so you don’t forget, and then sit down and have a conversation and come to an agreement on your vision. It’s both of your weddings, so it’s important it reflects both of you.
My groom delegates too 🙂 He doesn’t brainstorm, just rejects my ideas and expects me to come up with new ones to present to him. It’s very frustrating.
Post # 4
@kay01: Thanks I will try but we are long distance so its hard plus we haven’t even decided yet on what kind of wedding! This all caught me off guard I mean at first he was pretty blah about planning then I don’t know if he talked to family or friends or what but all the sudden he came back with thoughts, plans, ideas, etc. We have switched from getting married on a sunday to getting married on a friday afternoon because he found another venue and well….it turned out to not only be beautiful but way cheaper than the ones we were looking at so I didn’t make a stink….but i so didn’t expect him to care LOL
Post # 5
Groomzilla! haha I think it’s nice that he’s helping you with the wedding planning and it’s great that he’s excited about it! Try not to worry so much, it will turn out fine. 🙂
Just make sure you both agree… don’t cave to whatever he wants. It’s BOTH your day and you definitely have a say in how you want things… he should respect that. Make a list of all the things related to the wedding and discuss them one by one. Colors? Food? Who to invite? It should be a joint project… I didn’t make many decisions on my own and usually run them by my fiance for self assurance.
As for using semiprofessionals – there is a saying that says “what’s cheap comes out expensive in the end.” Make sure the photographer is good and not just a friend with a camera – my brother’s wedding pictures could have been a lot better if she didn’t hire her highschool friend.
Post # 6
I did not anticipate my groom having so many ideas about our wedding either. I’m not shy; I just don’t want to have this enormous wedding he is so into. I think he had much more elaborate dreams for the wedding than I did. He insists on us having a dinner at the reception when our guest list is 275 people. He has a large family, I don’t. We’re having our ceremony in a church, which is great because we both want that and are completely set on that, but is also difficult because their fellowship halls/gyms are not big enough to accomodate a seated reception for 250+ people (some people can’t come but we are inviting them anyways.) So, if we MUST have a dinner than we must have a place for them to sit and eat, which means we must have a different venue for the reception. With the second venue, rentals, and catering costs we are thousands over budget!!!
I suggested numerous options and he just rejects all of them! I suggested a desserted buffet in the church, which would keep us within our budget and be more casual and fun (in my opinion.) He said no. I suggested an hors d’oeuvres and desserted reception. He said no. I suggested a desserted reception followed by a smaller dinner reception for our families and wedding party. He said no. I feel like saying to him, “If you’re set on a seated reception dinner then you plan it…” but that would not go over well…
He (and my future Mother-In-Law…) are trying to cut everything in the budget to accomodate a seated reception. So basically everything that I feel would make it my wedding as well is being cut to bits, while they are planning something we can’t afford. UGH! My parents can cover the whole wedding if we don’t have dinner, which is very gracious on their part, but my future in laws decided to chip in some money (only half of what my parents are paying for-but also very kind, unexpected, and gracious) so that we can have food if we want it. And now that I have discovered that even with the extra money my future in laws have offered we can’t afford to have the dinner because of the large guest list woes aforementioned. However, now the dinner is expected from my future in laws but we can’t afford it!!! I don’t know what to do because my Fiance wants to feed everyone too!
His wishes wouldn’t be a problem, except for the fact that if we do what he desperately wants we ARE going to go over budget and that is simply not an option for me. I share your woes and I hope that we will be able to compromise soon because it’s stressing both of us out and causing unnecessary strain on a very happy day.