(Closed) FI is travelling and will meet a woman he describes as whorish..worried

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia

Well, this is a tricky one.

Can I ask, how old is your FI? And how old is this girl? I ask bc my fiance is 10 years older than me, and he does have a few female friends that he says, “Im old enough to be her father”. And they have worked on projects together in the past. But I’ve met these girls, they know me. And these girls tell my Fiance all their guy drama, they view him like a big brother. Could that me the case with this girl and your FI?

I guess I would just hope that your Fiance repects that you feel uncomfortable with it, and maybe not go to dinner.  Would it make you feel better if you communicated with this girl somehow?

Post # 5
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I guess you just have to trust him. You haven’t had any problems with this lady before so just keep an eye out now and trust your Fiance that he won’t do anything. I don’t get the feeling that he would do anything he seems to keep the topic pretty light. Plus you didn’t say he said anything aboout your snooping so he doesn’t seem too worried.

Post # 6
Member
8369 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you are judging this woman way too harshly on something you are hearing second hand and know nothing about. She got pregnant by one man which I am pretty sure there are a lot of bees here that have been in the same situation. I also think you need to have words to your Fiance as well for calling a woman a whore for having a baby with one man. That isn’t really whorish behaviour.

She may have been in a relationship with this man (regardless of whether he is her manager or not), she may have been in love and she got pregnant. Is that a crime now?

Just because she got pregnant by her manager previously does not mean that she will ever again. If you trust your Fiance then this shouldn’t be a problem especially given everything you have told us he has said.

Post # 9
Member
8369 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@PunkinBride:  It is still just office gossip. A lot of relationships start in the office especially if they have a full on workload and the gossip mills tend to be way harsher on the women than men. Does your Fiance refer to the male collegaues as whores as well? It takes two to tango! Maybe this poor girl is getting taken advantage of by all the men in the office?

At the end of the day all you can do is choose to trust your Fiance or live in fear and suspicion of other women and not trust your Fiance (which wont be healthy for the relationship in the long run).

Post # 10
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Well it takes two to have an affair. She can’t have an affair with your Fi by herself, and if he’s not worried about being tempted by her whorish ways, you shouldn’t be either. A man who is faithful isn’t going to turn into a cheater just because he goes to dinner with a sexy or slutty co-worker. I’d trust him and move on.

Post # 11
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

In my opinion, yes you should trust him, & it seems like you do.  However, if you expressed your concerns and feel uncomfortable with him having dinner with another woman, it is absolutely something he should respect.  It’s not like you’re shouting and yelling and demanding he never speak to another female..! You have every right to have the feelings you are having, and I don’t think that you should comprimise yourself and swallow your emotions just because he/anyone else in the world says so.  For what it’s worth.. I’d be uncomfortable too.

Post # 13
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

if you actually trusted him, it wouldn’t matter what she did, or whether you trusted her. That means you don’t trust him, no matter how hard you are trying to argue otherwise.

Post # 14
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think the “I trust him, I just don;t trust her” argument is BS. If he is trustworthy it doesn’t matter whether or not she is – what is she going to do, make him sleep with her? I’d let it go.

Post # 15
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

If you trust him, why does it matter? You think a 27 year old woman is going to overpower your partner and force him to cheat on you? If the answer is no, then you have no reason to worry. It takes two people for him to cheat.

Post # 16
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Let it go, also make sure that he knows that you are happy for him to have dinner with her! Otherwise he will resent you for putting him through the guilt of having dinner with a friend who he should make the effort to see given that he is in town, but thinking about how you are uncomfortable the entire time and not enjoying himself.

This is not a big deal, you trust him, he probably sees her as more of a sister. She is allowed to be excited about seeing an old friend and so is he. 

Let’s just say, hypothetically, that he does cheat with her (obviously this will not happen) would you stopping him from having dinner with her really prevented this? No. 

You’ve expressed your concern, he’s explained that you have nothing to worry about, accept it and move on. 

The topic ‘FI is travelling and will meet a woman he describes as whorish..worried’ is closed to new replies.

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