(Closed) FI is travelling and will meet a woman he describes as whorish..worried

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you have every right to be upset. I would only be OK with my husband doing that if others from their department were going. My husband knows better and wouldn’t even try to go alone with someone I didn’t know and ESPECIALLY not someone who is “whorish”. Once or twice my husband has gone out to lunch/dinner one-on-one with a lady friend, but it was always someone that I know and never someone “whorish” because we both believe that is disrespectful regardless of how much you trust someone.

Post # 63
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

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@PunkinBride  But that’s the thing. YOu say you trust him, but you feel uncomfortable about this ‘cos you don’t trust HER. You’re not in a relationship with her… if you’re genuinely worried about it then I’m sorry, but you mussnt trust your Fiance 100%… she is not going to overpower him and FORCE him to cheat on you. That’d entirely be on him.

Post # 64
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

Clearly this woman is on the prowl and has your fiance in her crosshairs. I’d be seriously annoyed, too.

Post # 65
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@photogestelle  +1

I can’t even fathom how so many people are jumping to the conclusion that because he called her whorish he is thinking about or has cheated on you with her.  That is ridiculous! 

If you think he is trustworthy than trust him and stop assuming the worse. Just because he called her whorish doesn’t mean he’s cheating or going to cheat. None of us obviously know your Fiance personally. If he’s a shady guy than you probably have cause for worry, otherwise I think you’re getting yourself worked up for no reason. 

I also don’t understand what is inappropriate about having dinner in a hotel restaurant? It’s not like she wanted to order room service in his room?  But anyways, sounds like you guys worked out.

Post # 66
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I won’t even start on how I think it’s innapropriate and mysoginistic for your fiance to call a former female colleague a whore just because she got pregnant (neither of you are calling the other manager a whore even though he contributed to that as well) What she does in her spare time is none of either of your business.

 

 

However, YOU have never even met this woman. It’s pretty bold of you to make so many presumptions about her. Moreso, your fiance has expressed zero interest in her.  And through this entire thing, you’ve been saying you trust your fiance. Would you trust him to go to Vegas? There are litteral prostitutes and brothels there. But I have a feeling that because it is ambiguous and you couldn’t throw your insecurities around at a specific woman, you wouldn’t be so paranoid about it. Calm down, find some more useful way to spend your time.

Post # 67
Member
2780 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@MrsWBS  I think it’s more that she is upset that he treated her feelings like a joke and wasn’t originally going to respect them. Trusting her man, trusting this woman it really doesn’t matter. What matters is how she felt and that he wasn’t going to respect those feelings. 

She didn’t understand his need or desire to have an itimate dinner with this woman and only this woman, when she had nothing to do with his reason for traveling and nothing to do with his life anymore.

I don’t think most of us are saying that he called her ‘whorish’ so he must be planning to cheat. I think the majority is saying that he should be respecting her feelings about it, when the dinner isn’t a requirement to his work in any way. And that his disregard for her feelings about it, were what was odd. 

Post # 68
Member
585 posts
Busy bee

Haven’t read all the replies so my aplogies if this has already been said…

Personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. 1, he didn’t tell you he was planning on having dinner with another woman (wtf?)2, her “you’re my oldest/best friend, I really wanna see you” sounds flirty and NOT professional, and 3, she has used sex to get things and not respected her relationships. This is sending out red flags everywhere. I would not groove on the idea of my Fiance wanting to have dinner with a flirty woman like that when he conveniently didn’t mention it to me. 

Also, he laughed off your concerns. Your relationship should come first, and you have legitmate concerns. To me, if my SO had issues with me hanging with a guy friend while he wasn’t around, I wouldn’t do it–just because it is so not worth the potential issues it causes in my relationship. His happiness and his feelings of trust are much more important. I do have friends that are guys but he knows each of them well, and he always knows if we do things together. If he had a problem with that, I would respect him first and only be around guy friends in group settings or when he is around.

 

 

 

Post # 69
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

For me, I would be upset not because I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t cheat on me. Rather, I would be upset because if there is no business reason or real friendship reason to see a woman who so blatantly disrespects me and my husband was STILL entertaining the idea of going to dinner with her even though it upset me. Great that he is no longer going to! should be no skin off his back right? Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if part of him was enjoying the flirtation. She sounds so forward that he probably doesn’t even need to reciprocate and STILL gets flattered by her flirting. You sound like a normal person who may get jealous or threatened under circumstances like this (and if you’re like me, you wish it didn’t!), but that’s not a red flag for your relationship IMO. Things aren’t so black and white. unlike some others on WB, I believe in true male/female hetero friendships. However, one partner can feel a twinge of threat or jealousy about someone who disrespects the relationship and the other takes action to comfort and reassure and it’s FINE! given your example of your FI’s ACTUAL friend, you don’t sound controlling or overly jealous.

Post # 70
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

For me, I would be upset not because I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t cheat on me. Rather, I would be upset because if there is no business reason or real friendship reason to see a woman who so blatantly disrespects me and my husband was STILL entertaining the idea of going to dinner. Great that he is no longer going to! should be no skin off his back right? Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if part of him was enjoying the flirtation. She sounds so forward that he probably doesn’t even need to reciprocate and STILL gets flattered by her flirting. And it’s only human to enjoy attention, but not at the expense of your partner! You sound like a normal person who may get jealous or threatened under circumstances like this (and if you’re like me, you wish it didn’t so you weren’t giving the girl satisfaction!), but that’s not a red flag for your relationship IMO. Things aren’t so black and white. unlike some others on WB, I believe in true male/female hetero friendships. However, one partner can feel a twinge of threat or jealousy about someone who disrespects the relationship and the other takes action to comfort and reassure and it’s FINE! given your example of your FI’s ACTUAL friend, you don’t sound controlling or overly jealous.

Post # 71
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you don’t trust him what are you doing with him and if you do trust him you need to get a grip?  Simple.  I don’t see what th fuss is.

Post # 72
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you trust him, there shouldn’t be a problem. Unless you think she’s going to drug him, it takes two to tango. Just because she had a relationship with a former boss doesn’t mean she’s a whore or a boss f-er.

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@MrsWBS  And this.

Post # 73
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@HeathenSwan  she said “that’s no fun” when he turned down having drinks at the hotel bar. Come on! That’s disrespectful. Why would he even put himself in that position?

Post # 74
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Even if it makes you uncomfortable, you have to show him trust. I see nothing wrong with him having dinner with him.

And my Fiance says plenty of negative things about certain women, and he certain isn’t intending to go bang them on Saturday night.

Sometimes, men are not as complicated as you think. They sometimes are good and often mean exactly what they say.

Post # 75
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@PunkinBride  My Fiance told me this girl his friend was dating was also whorish, I think guys say that because they are trying to say they won’t touch them. It is an insult when we see it as, oh well this girl is extra easy.

Post # 76
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

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@j_jaye  She got pregnant by one man which I am pretty sure there are a lot of bees here that have been in the same situation. I also think you need to have words to your Fiance as well for calling a woman a whore for having a baby with one man. That isn’t really whorish behaviour.

Couldn’t agree more with you j_jaye. The younger woman became pregnant with her ex-manager. So… Why isn’t OP’s fiance describing him as whorish as well? I really dislike these sexist double standards.

OP, I don’t think you should worry too much, although judging from what you said and what he said there seems to be a deeper, underlying issue about trust from both parties.

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