(Closed) FI is trying to tell parents how to spend money! Very Frustrated!

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 8
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’d be interested in hearing his reasons, too.  He must have elaborated at some point.  Does he just want to avoid having what he considers an extravagant affair?  Does he think maybe you guys might get the difference as a gift or an inheritance?  Is he uncomfortable feeling indebted to your parents in some way?

Your FI’s wishes for the wedding should definitely be taken into account, but it’s not really his place to question how your parents decide to spend their money.  If they are throwing a wedding for you and they want to pay $50 a plate, it’s really none of his business.  It’s perfectly fine if he has an opinion on what kind of food will be served – it is, after all, his wedding, too – but he can’t decide how much money is too much for your parents to spend.  You should ask him, if you haven’t already, what his specific problem is with this situation.

I don’t know what average prices are like in Utah, but to me $50 per head seems like a reasonable amount (ultimately depending on what it includes).

Edit: I think a bunch of my questions were answered before I could post.  🙂

 

Post # 9
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

More than likely he feels that that is way to much money to spend. Whether its his money or not…. compromising will began early for the two of you. Remember its his wedding too! Although he may not be paying he has a point and he doesn’t think $50 a head is reasonable…this means you should go back to step one and find someone you both feel comfortable with.

For instance, I had met and decided upon a photographer…. I’d ben asking this guy for years. Plus, I am best friends with his daughter. She had told me for years how he did this persons pics for free, this one for free, that one free. And that he would more than likely do mine for free. But after meeting with him its NO WHERE NEAR FREE OR A DEAL. My Fiance said he is way to high and I told him, okay. If he could find better we would go with his person. So, now he has full control over the photography and videography. He found a guy way cheaper, willing to trvel over an 1 1/2 and still he is cheaper. He trust him so I will.

Sometimes you have to just compromise… its the start of your marriage. Don’t let this cause problems you guys just sit down and talk about it.

Post # 10
Member
3260 posts
Sugar bee

im paying $25 a plate which includes the reception cake and a dessert buffet. and the food is in generous portions.

i think you could find something cheaper.. but as far as him telling your parents they cant go over 5k when they’re paying..thats a no go.

Post # 11
Member
7362 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The wedding is about you and your FH. Yes, its great that your family is extremely generous but you future husbands wishes can and should be somewhat accomodated.

I mean you family is doing ALOT for the both of you, as a man I know that can’t be easy. My fiance would probably feel the exact same way (and thats without all the extra stuff you say your parents are doing for you guys, college/car).

Post # 12
Member
7772 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

My guess is that he might feel somewhat emasculated about the whole situation. Think of it this way… he’s a man, who’s fiancee and her family are paying for his college, his car and his whole wedding and honeymoon. That’s a lot! Maybe he’s feeling insecure about not being able to provide these things for himself?

Post # 13
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee

@SweetartMD: My Fiance was kinda the same way. But I think for different reasons. He just didn’t want to spend very much because he thought that $40-50 per person was outrageous. Then we finally went to a tasting and he understood where the money was going. 

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