(Closed) FI is upset about lack of time spent with him

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear this, but he is not being selfish. Your time with him is most important and although, as you say, you love doing these things…don’t you also love your FI?

Post # 4
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly? You’re being a bit selfish. I love working too but my main job is to be a good fiancée to my FH and THEN my career (but I love love love my career, don’t get me wrong). Wedding begins with “we” after all 🙂 Set aside time at least once a week where you turn the phone off and spend a whole day with him. After all do you really need to work every day out of the week? And he’s right, what’s the point in having a beautiful wedding that you’re not spending time together and growing together?

Post # 5
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

Can’t you come up with a compromise? Cut back 1-2 extra days of babysitting or whatever to spend just with him? Something like that? I think that compromising is the best solution. I don’t think you should quit all of these things since it’s extra money and you like doing these things. At the same time, he’s not happy and you should spend more time with him (and WANT to spend more time with him). Ask him if you cut back 1-2 days a week if that will make him happy? 🙂

Post # 7
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

i dont know that either one of you is being selfish, but it does seem like your needs aren’t lining up in the best way.  while spending more time with him is the obvi answer to the problem, there may be ways to do it without losing the things you enjoy doing – like, can he go with you to volunteer?  can you cut out one of the side jobs?

i would also suggest setting aside a specific night (at least one!) each week that is just about the 2 of you – my FI and i often work opposite schedules (sometimes he’s on the night shift) and having that alone time makes it a little easier – it may do the same to help your FI feel important and help you guys stay close despite all the daily hussle

Post # 8
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

You can invest money in your wedding or invest time in your marriage.

Post # 9
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Imagine if it were the other way around. You’d probably feel like the least important thing in his life since he is always finding ways to be doing something else. I think I’d be pretty hurt to know my fiance enjoyed housesitting so much that he’d rather do that than spend an hour on the couch doing nothing with me.

Post # 11
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Ryansgirl, I’m sorry, I never meant to insinuate that you don’t do that. Or that you work every day. But maybe set aside special time at least once a month where you take a whole day to go out together and do things. I’m lucky enough to see and spend time with FH every morning before he goes to work and then I go to work but I know from our experience that if that’s all I see of him I get upset because we never go out together and do stuff. We have a deal where once a month we go out together for a day – to the aquarium, to the zoo, to a museum, to a gallery just so that we have something to plan that whole month. 

As individual yes, we’re meant to have separate interests and lives but if one person in a couple feels neglected we, as the other half of the couple, should understand and be supportive of their feelings. Even if we feel like they’re being a bit unreasonable. 

Anyways, that’s just IMO. Ultimately I think you should talk to your FH and ask him what you can both do to compromise where you both are happy with the situation.

Post # 13
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

my bf lives an hour away from me.  at most, i see him twice a week.  when we get married, i would hope i see him more than that.  i don’t know if the word is selfish… but he is not wrong in wanting to spend time with you.  he’d rather have his wife than a big wedding.  it kinda makes me sad that you’d rather work than see him.

Post # 14
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you guys need to discuss expectations!

Obviously he expects to spend more quality time with you than you do! Which is fine! But you need to ensure both of your needs are being met, yours being busy and involved and his spending enough quality time together!

Good Luck – I hope you guys can work this out so everyone is satisfied!

Post # 15
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Man, I hate working.  I can’t relate to this at all.  I’d much rather be home with my SO, and he’d be pretty PO’ed if all I spent was 2 nights at home with him a week.  That’s pretty lame, IMO.

Post # 16
Hostess
18654 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Can you do some of those volunteering things with him?  That way you can do both things that you love at the same time (that sounds so wrong)?

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