Post # 1
My Fiance just came home from work to get something he forgot and he casually asked me to gather up all the things we still need to pay for the wedding. When I pressed him he said he doesn’t know if we can afford it, even with the help we are getting from our parents. I got a little pissed because I had been trying to get a job up until a month ago and he said with the wedding so close just to forget it and concentrate on the wedding stuff. We talked about it and he assured me that we would be able to pay the bills and the wedding off of his salary. I am just kind of blown away by this announcement. I feel like he didn’t clue me into what was going on and when I called him out on it he said he didn’t think I would want to know because I am already stressed enough. When I countered that, he got mad and said I never want to know the financial stuff, that he’s the one that deals with it and I have nothing to do with it. That was one of our problem areas in pre-marital counselling and during that time I agreed to be more involved in the financial aspects of our relationship, so I couldn’t believe he tried to throw that in my face.
It basically ended with him storming out of the apartment. I don’t know what to do anymore. A large part of me wants to cancel the entire wedding and just elope because that’s all that matters to me. I don’t need this huge wedding that is costing us a fortune (not that it’s even that huge or our budget is that high) But I think part of me knows that I would regret it one day soon. I just feel overwhelmed and hurt.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Post # 3
Oy! I am so sorry you are going through this and I can only imagine how upset you are with only having 2 months left but all is not lost.
I think you and your Fiance need to sit down and figure out the details of the wedding in depth to see where you can make any compromises or sacrifices to allow you have a wedding but still be able to afford it. Ultimately, having a wedding you can afford is so important. This will be less stress on the two of you in the end.
This will take some work from the two of you to hash out these details but I am confident you can do this. If the end result is eloping, you can still have one kick ass party or BBQ to celebrate after. Just because you don’t get to have the big wedding you may have dreamed of this time around, it doesn’t mean you can’t have it later.
Just be patient and try to relax. Being level headed going into this situation will work highly in your favor.
Good Luck and keep us posted!
Post # 4
I think your Fiance was all sorts of out of line here, but that’s not going to help to throw it back in his face.
The fact of the matter is, why do you think you’ll regret it? Because he’ll make you feel bad about it? because you’ll barely be scraping by?
I think you should try to work this out with him. Read through your contracts–anything that will refund you some money if you back out with enough time? Or how could you get the money–if you get a part time job right now would it help enough? There has to be a way to do it!
Best wishes to you, I know that if you both calm down and approach this financially you will figure out some sort of solution.
Post # 5
Elope and keep the reception if possible. That way everyone who saved the day, will still be able to come to an event with their gift. Laugh about it; call it a recession wedding if need be, and plan a beautiful vow renewal in a few years when you can afford it. The foo foo stuff of weddings is not worth ruining your MARRIAGE.
Post # 6
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Might I ask what your budget was in the beginning, because you can take that down and still pull off a fab wedding…I so am!
Post # 7
I’m sorry you guys have to deal with this. Just to play devil’s advocate, I can see where your Fiance is coming from and I would try to sympathize with him a bit. If you guys have already had issues with you not being involved in the finances, and you promised to work on this, it makes sense for him to be upset if you were spending on the wedding without knowing the financial situation. You mentioned that he didn’t tell you until now that there were financial difficulties. But why should he have to? Why wouldn’t you ask? My Fiance pays most of the bills, but I regularly check all our accounts so I know exactly what’s going on financially. As far as wedding expenditures, I often bring this topic on so we stay on the same page.
I don’t think you need to stress over what to do by yourself. You guys should spend some time talking about the wedding and what exactly the budget situation is. What exactly can you afford and what matters to both of you? Go through the details with him and I’m sure you can figure it out 🙂
Post # 8
I’m so sorry! That is not cool at all. In Mr. TKE and my relationship it’s about 65/35 with me being the head of the financials because I have a job and he doesn’t. Would you be losing a lot of money if you cancelled it. How about just moving it to a different day further down the road so you could save a bit more? Could you still try to get a job, albeit possibly temporary to help relieve some of the financial burden from your FH?
Post # 9
Can you get your money back from the vendors and venue? If you can the best decision is to work together as a team and try to get the money back and just elope if thats all that really matters to you. Its not worth it to fight about it especially this should be the happiest time in both of your lives. Is there any way you can borrow money from somebody close to you where you can pay them back with the money you get from gifts or when you do find a job? Eloping can still cost alot too, but you guys need to have a serious financial talk together when he gets home. My Fiance is paying for everything and if he told me we absolutely cannot afford it anymore then I would understand and we would go from there and try not to fight about it. Being husband and wife is being a team and supporting each other through thick and thin, maybe this is a blessing in disguise for the both of you, good luck.. 🙂
Post # 10
Yeah I’m wondering too what was your budget??? With family helping I’m sure you could pull something off. You dont need to have a $20 or even $10 thousand dollar budget. Wedding do not have to cost that much! Thats a real big irritater for me! People thinking wedding have to be soooo expensive. They dont!!!!
I do think its kinda odd how this came out of no where. It doesnt sound like it was the wedding hes really worried about. I dont even think it has to do with paying for a wedding at all. But thats just me…..I coud be wrong. Stay strong!!!!!!!!
Post # 11
Money is tough. I am big on numbers and do most of the finances in our relationship. I have a very detailed budget and although a lot of times I know we have the money and it is in the budget its hard to accept that. There are always the “what ifs” in life that scare us. Maybe your Fiance just got overwhelmed and freaked a little bit?
I think the best thing is to sit down and discuss the actual details of the wedding and how much it will cost. You bring all your ideas, and he brings the budget. Both of you try to understand each others perspective and find an agreement.
I would recommend identifying the outstanding costs for the wedding and agree what the cost will be for each of those. This is an opportunity for you to get involved and take responsibility for some of hte finances. If you haven’t picked flowers yet, agree on how much you guys can spend on flowers. Then have him trust you that you will stay under that amount for the flowers. Do this for each of the items on your to-do list.
As you go on planning, make sure you report back to him how the money is going and where it is being spent. Make sure he doesn’t feel like you are just spending all the money.
Post # 12
I am sorry you are dealing with this. weddings are a stressful amount of $$ .. could you maybe cut back on some things and still be able to afford it?!
Post # 13
Our budget is $9,000 for around 140 people (depends on the RSVPs).
@ girlwitharing- we have been really good about discussing financials since meeting with our officiant, even Fiance admitted it when we just talked. I call/text/or take him with me before purchasing anything for the wedding because I know we are on a tight budget. He didn’t tell me until today that there were financial constraints because up until a few hours ago he didn’t think that there were.
Fiance and I both calmed down within a half an hour and calmly discussed a few things but we are really going to hash things out tonight once he gets home. This really did come out of the blue for both of us, because less than two weeks ago we were discussing financials and everything was in order and even on the phone just now Fiance said we were doing great. We are trying to figure out where everything just came from, I think part of the budget problem was he didn’t really think about crafts/small items in the terms of the budget, which can really add up. We have tried to do everything within our power to make this wedding great without too much of the expense. I made my own bouquet, my Bridesmaid or Best Man are carrying clutches instead of flowers, we’re making all the centerpieces/place cards/ceremony decorations/favors/invitations/programs ourselves because I find the mark up of wedding related items to be astounding. We have both worked our tails of to create a beautiful wedding on a tight budget and I thought we were doing really well. I know we can figure this out, I know we can find some areas to cut down costs even more, we just have to sit down and discuss it at length tonight.
Thanks for all the kind words.
Post # 14
You can easily take your budget way down to something like $5,000 or less for that many people.
Post # 15
@PrncssDva- Some suggestions on how to do that would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 16
Can you show us a list of your wedding in details so we can help you budget or cut some things out?