(Closed) FI just moved in today. Any advice?

posted 8 years ago in Home
Post # 17
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is just my personal story…Fiance and I moved in together 5 years ago. I am a morning person, he is definitely not! I had to learn not to talk to him in the morning, not ask him questions, nothing. We would leave the house mad at each other and that went on for months, until I finally realized if I just said, “Have a good day. Love you.” we were fine. There’s not much that needs to be discussed first thing in the morning.

This is just me, but when I ask him to do something, I only ask once. He’ll eventually do it. It might not be right that second, but eventually he does it. If I ask him again in 15 minutes, he gets upset because he feels like I’m bugging him about it.

Respect – Remember your manners. Please, thank you, you’re welcome. Go just as far when you’re a kid, as they do when you’re an adult and married.

Post # 18
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I don’t think there’s any rules to follow other than what respects your relationship and makes you and your partner feel appreciated.  If your goal is to understand where he’s coming from, and you’re insightful about where you’re coming from, it will work out.

Sometimes I need to hold back if I’m irritated, and sometimes I’m going to speak my mind whether it keeps the peace or not.  It’s a matter of knowing what’s motivating you. 

Darling Husband keeps every thing to himself, so I have to encourage him to speak up, even if it’s minor. 

And give yourself a routine of some sort that brings you comfort, but isn’t dependent on him.  Make sure you continue to take care of yourself like you did when you lived alone, while you’re figuring out the balance with him.

🙂

Post # 19
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We decorate together and do projects around the house together. That way we feel like it is both of our spaces. We like to watch tv together after a long week and cuddle on the big chair. Home is our favorite place to be together, so I am happy that we like living together.

You will learn different things about each other, such as how he is after a long work day, sleep patterns, etc. It takes a while to adjust. Make sure you have separate areas that you can go to when you need a break from each other, such as you having a special chair to read in, he has a spot to keep his fun things, such as video games, computer, so he can have a private space, too. We have our own places in the house that we use when we need to be alone and it keeps the peace.

Post # 20
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Having had brothers and male room-mates and now Darling Husband, I’ve learned a couple of things:

-Patience.  Like w/ learning to live w/ roommates, there is an adjustment period.  Just speak up

-Finances.  Discuss how bills will be paid and how to save.  Work on a monthly budget so there’s not too many surprises.  Although we are married we still have our original accounts but one account is used for paying all household bills while the other is for savings. 

-Split chores.  Many of my gf think its odd but Darling Husband washes clothes and dishes while I handle all other cleaning/cooking/grocery shopping/etc(Type A, I am).  Although I’m a nut about how my clothes are handled, he just has more time to do them and after a month of training, they come out just as clean as if I did them myself.

-Have more than one hamper.  We literally have 3 hampers in the house cause Darling Husband will take of his clothes throughout the house.  Plus a hamper is easy to move into a room when a guest is over.

-Give him his own closet if you can.  Seriously.  He’ll look @ all your clothes/shoes and wonder why you have so much. 

-If you can, have separate Bathrooms.  My married Girlfriend suggested that from day one cause tooth past all over the sink, just wasn’t how I wanted to wake up everyday.  If you can’t, buy some Clorox wipes so they can be used.

-Separate tvs and DVDR.  Not everyone can do this but we have separate tvs/dvdrs.  Yes, cause he thinks my BBC mini-series are rubbish and I don’t want to watch every episode of Batman on my free time.  Plus the PS3 is hooked up to the main tv so he can play his video games all day and night if he wants. 

-Bedroom Etiquette.  Ok, this may not be an issue for you but we discovered that since I tended to go to the potty more, it was wise for me to sleep closer to the door.  I always woke him up.  Since Darling Husband goes to work 2hrs before me, he now closes the door so I won’t have the hall light shining brightly in my face.(He lived by hisself for a really long time).  Also since I’m always cold cause we have to have the windows and the fan on, I have extra twin size blankets for me. 

-Last but not least, Have fun and enjoy your Fiance.  I found it helped us ease into martial life soo much easier. 

 

Post # 21
Member
2432 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Someone else mentioned this, but we found that we’re much happier with separate closets. We love sharing almost everything, but separate closets was mandatory because he kept re-organizing our closet and I couldn’t find anything. It turned out that we both wanted more room – why it took us nearly a year to figure that out still surprises me!

Also, we have set up a chore list. We tend to have opposite schedules during the week, and it is so helpful to see what area of the house really needs attention, and which areas he’s recently dusted/vacuumed/organized/etc. It’s also really easy to forget about some chores, and this helps us both stay on task and accountable for our share :).

Post # 22
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Try not to sweat the small stuff, but if something he is doing/not doing is driving you nuts and you can’t live with it then speak up now. He might be a bit confused if 6 months from now you suddenly blow up at him over always leaving his wet towel on the floor when you’ve never said anything about it before.

Post # 23
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Chores, yes, yes, figure that out!  I am still resentful a year in we haven’t figure it out.

Carve out private time if you need it.  Even in a 1-bed you can get away to the bedroom sometimes if you need.

He moved into your place?  Put up his decor as soon as you can!  I felt like a visitor, not a resident until we got my pictures up on the wall.  Once he understood how important it was to me to feel like it was my home too, they went up that day.  Same thing regarding stuff – be as fair as possible in splitting space, and as he’s the one that moved, give him more than half if needed to make him feel at home.  Call it “our” place, not “yours.”

Post # 24
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Maybe this is just a personal preferance, but what about cleaning together or making sure that you keep a clean house!

Post # 25
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@jjmomma:

BE FLEXIBLE.

Be flexible.

BE flexible.

I actually think this is the best advice of all.

Some of these tips will work for you and some may not. You need to figure out what works for you TWO. We never had the chore problems because my husband was raised to clean up after himself and not expect others to clean up after him. He cooks and cleans. I know, I’ve got a winner! 😛

Just realize that it won’t be bliss all the time. There will be things that he does that drives you up the wall and vice versa. You just learn to let it go because in the big scheme of things it does not matter!

My husband and I have been living together for almost 8 years. Eventually you will meld your lifestyles together and it will all become second nature.

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