- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest
@UKbee: I think you and your Fiance need to have a serious chat.
My ex, was just like this to me… the first time he brought up my weight I was *CRUSHED* When we met I was about 140 pounds and had overcome a lot of weight issues from my high school days. I finally was confident, met a boy that loved me… and 6 months in he told me he wished I was fit and went to the gym. When I look at photos of myself back then… I wish I had just ended it there. I would have saved myself a lot.
It just cycled out of control from there… I would go to the gym and as soon as I slacked off, he would bring it up, change how he treated me, wouldn’t be affectionate…etc.
My self esteem was DESTROYED in that relationship. I gained nearly 50 pounds.
And… many years later I’m still struggling to get back what I had.
My SO now loves me for who I am and has never brought up my weight.
But I will say this.. and maybe this is what you can talk to you Fiance about…
You’re probably feeling pretty crappy about yourself for the bit of a regain over the holidays, and your confidence and demeanour is probably a bit different as a result and that could be what your Fiance is picking up on.. more so than your actual weight.
When we have self esteem and weight issues, our SO’s need to be concious of the way they talk to us and how they communicate.
I’m sure after you lost the weight in October, you were feeling sexy and confident and he was loving it!
Unfortunately for many of us women, we can’t seem to get our confidence up when we’re feeling down on our bodies. Our SO’s pick up on the feeling fit/healthy = happy you, not going to gym/eating crap = miserable you
You just have to have an open and frank conversation with your SO, and about how you need to be supported and how his love and affection for you cannot reflect on a month or two of lapse in going to the gym! How when he’d like to encourage you to go to the gym and focus on what is important to you, how he can gently remind you?
Commenting on weight and refusing love when we’re most vulnerable, is really a recipe for disaster and can create a ton of fears… like What will happen when you have kids? What if… what if… what if.
It has to be stopped and discussed now!!!