(Closed) FI keeps spending money!! (vent)

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sorry, I don’t know what it is about Wedding Planning that makes these things happen.  My fiance wanted a Big Fancy Wedding while I wanted simple on the beach – duh.. we live in Hawaii.   Anyway, Big Fancy it is  (don’t get me wrong I am loving it) but now the cost are coming along and he wants to argue everything.   Men, they just don’t get it.  

Post # 4
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

My wedding will cost less than $1100. We are only having 30 guests, with a lunch. To me, $7000 is a lot of money for one day!

Post # 5
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

This is a red flag, and you need to heed it. You two clearly have different money-related goals and priorities, and some communication issues to boot. Get thee to pre-marital counseling, ASAP, to work on the communication issues. Hanging up on your fiance/fiancee is not mature and appropriate behavior. Do you want him to continue behaving in this way during your marriage, too? And you both need to sit down with a financial planner and establish joint savings goals and a concrete savings plan to achieve those goals. Until you are both working as a team to achieve your shared goals, you will continue to have these disagreements. Money disputes are one of the leading causes of divorce. Address these issues now, before they start eating away at the foundation of your relationship.

Post # 7
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

That really sucks he is flipping out over spending.  I had a related talk with my SO about cutting down on the vacations so we can save up (we already have a destination wedding this year, and then next year before our wedding there will be two other destination weddings we probably have to decide which to go to… ugh).  Stuff’s expensive!  If you want one thing you’re going to have to sacrifice other things!

Post # 9
1106 posts
Bumble bee

Oh no! I am so sorry that is happening! I hope things get worked out!  I think it’s a red flag as well – you need to get some kind of counselor or something!

Post # 10
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

definitely a very BIG red flag. I would get some help

Post # 11
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@lovekiss:  100% agree with you.

@Bears-bub:  If you guys are fighting this way about money that you’re spending on your wedding, then imagine when it’s going to be money that you have to spend on your home, or fixing something in your home…or worse yet, your child. I see huge red flags that you both aren’t on the same page when it comes to finances and this is something that causes a lot of strain in relationships. Do what lovekiss says and find a financial planner…

Post # 12
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Lovekiss took the words right out of my mouth.  This needs to be dealt with ASAP.

Post # 13
45 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

Money is easily among the top 3 reasons couples fight & split up. Try and get a grip on his money values & habits now to see how compatible you are. This is serious.

Post # 14
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@lovekiss:  very well said, great advice.

Post # 15
18641 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

@lovekiss:  I agree, money is one of the main causes of fights and divorces in a relationship.  This stuff needs to be figured out NOW before the wedding to be sure you aren’t on the road to heartbreak and bankruptcy.

Post # 16
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with what everyone has said about this being a Red Flag and all.  But most people have heightened emotions around planning the wedding. And sometimes things are taken out of context.  Only getting half the situation, and while she is needing to Vent does not make something worth mentioning the D word.  Personally I think the D word shouldn’t be mentioned.  Its giving it an out before they’ve even gotten started.  Yes, there needs to be better communication and Money is the number one cause of Divorce – so the topic should not be taken lightly.  But wait until you are settled down, not emotional and discuss what you both want for a day to celebrate your love.  In the end, the marriage matters much more than linens or flowers – but figure out what you both want to look back and think of later on in life.  

Good luck, Relationships are always hard work – but I think its worth it, no matter what.


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