Post # 1
OK, so we have been engaged since last April and the wedding is this July. We have about 11 more pay runs to go before the wedding and we still need to come up with about $7000 from our own pockets. We also have a week holiday to Bali in May and the week of our wedding is 3 hours from the city so we also need to pay for 5 days down there (fuel to get there, food etc). All up its safe to say we need about $9000
Since about October last year I have been trying to talk to him about a savings plan. Everytime I do, he doesnt want to talk about it. When we do, he just says ‘we will need to save more’… well DUH!! Its just over 5 months out and I am starting to get a bit on edge about it. We are saving, but I think we need to save more as I am worried that we wont have enough to cover. When I bring this up he just yells at me saying its my fault as the wedding is costing too much and wont let it go… its costing $7000 from our own pocket! How the flip is that too much!?
Today we get an email from my bestie who is a travel agent. Through her work she can get free tickets to the Grand Prix in Kuala Lumpur including transfers, access to a tent and food at the event etc plus heavily discounted accommodation. Including flights it will cost is about $2000 for the 4 days. Its an awesome deal and one I would normally jump at.
I email both of them to say sorry, but we cant afford it. Fiance emails us asking her which hotel she thinks is best and I email him saying no, we cant afford it. He calls me up to say he will sell his car to pay for it (car is already up for sale, just had no takers yet)… when I say ‘what will we do if we cant sell your car? Where will the money come from then?’ he comes back with ‘I’m not even going to bother talking to you about this right now’ and hung up!!! OMG
I email him asking why he wouldnt answer the question and he says the car money isnt meant to pay for the wedding… I know that! But I wont book a freaken holiday with money we dont have! Why is that unreasonable!!!!
I know we will be ok in the end. We can afford to pay for it, he just doesnt like being reminded that you cant just pull money from your a$$! haha
Sigh. Vent over, lol.
Post # 3
Sorry, I don’t know what it is about Wedding Planning that makes these things happen. My fiance wanted a Big Fancy Wedding while I wanted simple on the beach – duh.. we live in Hawaii. Anyway, Big Fancy it is (don’t get me wrong I am loving it) but now the cost are coming along and he wants to argue everything. Men, they just don’t get it.
Post # 4
My wedding will cost less than $1100. We are only having 30 guests, with a lunch. To me, $7000 is a lot of money for one day!
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
This is a red flag, and you need to heed it. You two clearly have different money-related goals and priorities, and some communication issues to boot. Get thee to pre-marital counseling, ASAP, to work on the communication issues. Hanging up on your fiance/fiancee is not mature and appropriate behavior. Do you want him to continue behaving in this way during your marriage, too? And you both need to sit down with a financial planner and establish joint savings goals and a concrete savings plan to achieve those goals. Until you are both working as a team to achieve your shared goals, you will continue to have these disagreements. Money disputes are one of the leading causes of divorce. Address these issues now, before they start eating away at the foundation of your relationship.
Post # 6
@lovekiss: I agree with this 100%
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
That really sucks he is flipping out over spending. I had a related talk with my SO about cutting down on the vacations so we can save up (we already have a destination wedding this year, and then next year before our wedding there will be two other destination weddings we probably have to decide which to go to… ugh). Stuff’s expensive! If you want one thing you’re going to have to sacrifice other things!
Post # 8
@lovekiss: very well said!!
Post # 9
Oh no! I am so sorry that is happening! I hope things get worked out! I think it’s a red flag as well – you need to get some kind of counselor or something!
Post # 10
definitely a very BIG red flag. I would get some help
Post # 11
@lovekiss: 100% agree with you.
@Bears-bub: If you guys are fighting this way about money that you’re spending on your wedding, then imagine when it’s going to be money that you have to spend on your home, or fixing something in your home…or worse yet, your child. I see huge red flags that you both aren’t on the same page when it comes to finances and this is something that causes a lot of strain in relationships. Do what lovekiss says and find a financial planner…
Post # 12
Lovekiss took the words right out of my mouth. This needs to be dealt with ASAP.
Post # 13
Money is easily among the top 3 reasons couples fight & split up. Try and get a grip on his money values & habits now to see how compatible you are. This is serious.
Post # 14
@lovekiss: very well said, great advice.
Post # 15
@lovekiss: I agree, money is one of the main causes of fights and divorces in a relationship. This stuff needs to be figured out NOW before the wedding to be sure you aren’t on the road to heartbreak and bankruptcy.
Post # 16
I agree with what everyone has said about this being a Red Flag and all. But most people have heightened emotions around planning the wedding. And sometimes things are taken out of context. Only getting half the situation, and while she is needing to Vent does not make something worth mentioning the D word. Personally I think the D word shouldn’t be mentioned. Its giving it an out before they’ve even gotten started. Yes, there needs to be better communication and Money is the number one cause of Divorce – so the topic should not be taken lightly. But wait until you are settled down, not emotional and discuss what you both want for a day to celebrate your love. In the end, the marriage matters much more than linens or flowers – but figure out what you both want to look back and think of later on in life.
Good luck, Relationships are always hard work – but I think its worth it, no matter what.