(Closed) FI left tonight – Says he needs to think – My heart is broken

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I am so sorry you are going through this. ((HUGS)) I hope your Fiance realizes that what he has with you is special and he gets out from underneathi his mother’s thumb. I promise you you AREN’T defective and if he doesn’t honor your commitment to you (because I see it that way too) it is completely his loss.

Post # 4
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood

You certainly are NOT defective.  If he can’t put you first and put aside his strange relationship with his parents, its his loss.  I sincerely hope everything works out for you though and he stops letting his parents treat him like a child.

Post # 5
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

The best course of action is to jtry to have fun right now. Instead of the stressed out, sad woman that you’ve become the last couple of months, get back to the heart of who you are and who he fell in love with. Sometimes men just need a reminder that it’s not all grey days even if you’re going through a little patch. Lighten up a little and have some fun and he’s sure to see that.

Post # 6
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You have to get him out of his Mom’s house NOW!!! Obviously he is very emotional at this point and could be easily influenced by what she says. If your priest is telling you that what you are going through is normal then he is probably right. Can you tell us more about what you 2 are fighting about. I really think you should call him and tell him how you feel about him and tell him that you are willing to do anything to make things work out and that you want him back home tonight!!! I think that you should not let his mother know what is going on in your relationship and you should have an agreement with him that if she doesn’t support your relationship that she should not be talked to about problems in it. Try to avoid fighting about family boundaries because he can’t control what his family does and even if he tried it probably wouldn’t work so its not worth it.  But I think that the bees could offer you some better advice if we knew what you were fighting about. So sorry you are going through this. ::hugs::

Post # 7
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

You are NOT defective.

I’m sorry he felt the need to run home to his mummy.  I would say to him that he needs to stay with you in your house and work through this together.  Otherwise, well, where is he when you need him?  

Spending time alone isn’t staying with his mum.  

Can you offer to go stay with your parents and let him be at your house alone to think?  without his mum in his ear…

This is no way your fault my dear.  This is a weaksauce man who needs to come to the party and fight for your relationship.  How can you work through this together if he doesn’t talk?  How will you sort this out together?

Maybe you should call your priest and get another session sorted asap?

Post # 8
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am sending a billion & one hugs your way sweety! 🙁 It sounds like it has been rough recently, I am so sorry.

All of the advice here is great, really, you should step back and take a moment for YOU. You need to evaluate your happiness, your goals, and yourself (in general) then take it to the Mister and find out what he is thinking. I am not saying that you should do it tonite because you need time to find the deeper answers but do it soon. Counseling is a great start to mending issues before they are out of hand! Score one for you two!

Personally, I don’t think that him having an overnighter with his parents is a deal breaker or that his mother can sway him too much. Let’s face it, unless she is a horrid & selfish Mom she probably won’t want to see her son hurt even more than he is. (She does sound like a difficult person though!!!!)

Again, bug hugs!

Post # 9
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Having dealt with this situation before, if he’s incapable of setting boundaries, let him leave. In the long run he’s doing you a huge freaking favor. Don’t contact him. If he’s going to change his mind LET HIM.

 This issue is going to come to a head at some point anyway and he’s going to have to react. Might as well be before the wedding. So far, he’s choosing to run to his parents.. which I find very unattractive. I love my parents, but I NEVER run to them when I’m having problems with my spouse.

 You’re not defective- be strong and let this play out.

Post # 10
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it is normal for couples to fight way more when they are planning the wedding and in the months leading up to it.  It is normal since there is all this stress from everywhere that under normal circumstances wouldn’t be there.  Fiance and i ave been fighting a lot more and I think we’re both hoping it won’t stay this way after we are married, but then again all our fights seem to be centered around the wedding.  So I guess it depends what your fights are about and how you plan on working on your relationship.

Post # 12
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through!  Take a benadryl and try to get some rest!  That way, when he comes back, you’ll be able to talk sensibly with him.  I can’t imagine a situation in which my Fiance left me and I don’t want you to go through it again.  

Be strong and show him how much you love him.  That’s all you can do.  But for now, sleep, try to rest…

Post # 13
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

You can’t fix people and you can’t raise him like your son.  Often women like men they feel they can nurture or help in some way – it’s the way we are. 🙂 But he needs to be a man who can also help you grow and support you when you need it.  Keep that in mind.

Do what will make you happy in the long run.  Big hugs.

Post # 14
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Aw, I’m so sorry 🙁 Try to do something fun to take your mind off it. Watch a movie (good job, looks like you are!), hang out with friends, read a good book. If he truly wants time alone, try not to call him or anything, even though it’s tempting. Let him realize how much he misses you.

There is nothing wrong with you at all. Sometimes guys need to think and sometimes they need to grow up, and you can’t force either. You can just pray that he makes the right decision for you as a couple.

May I ask how long you’ve lived together? Fiance and I fought a fair amount for the first few months, while we got used to being around each other. Things are wonderful now (though definitely not perfect, no relationship is). Some fighting is normal. It sounds like your priest agrees so hopefully he can talk sense into your Fiance. I’ll be praying for you!

Post # 15
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Cry I don’t have much to say, just that my thoughts are with you. I hope he realizes what he’d be giving up by leaving you and the better life he was building. Hugs.

Post # 16
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

wedding planning is stressful, but if he feels the need to go stay at his parents house thats just not good. Is he always going to run to his parents house when something goes wrong? Plus by doing that he lets them know that things are not right between you and its never good to let your parents in on your fights. I think he just has the wrong attitude to problem solving.

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