(Closed) FI Lying… Advice, please

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
598 posts
Busy bee

Hmmm. This all sounds fishy. All of those lies so he could watch football? Good luck with this guy, I smell a rat, but I hope for your sake I’m wrong :/

Post # 4
7682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I hope that your date is correct, anyway, I think I would have to tell him that it would take me some time to be able to trust him again.

Post # 5
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I… would be very suspicious about this. On one hand, that’s a really flimsy story, but on the other hand, who would make up such a terrible lie? 

Post # 6
4029 posts
Honey bee

Well, if his car was in the parking lot of your apartment building, then obviously he was nearby. Either something fishy is up and it’s going on in your apartment building or he really was watching football. It is possible he did not want to upset you about not hanging out together right away, but then again, it sounds a little strange to be so secretive. And besides, he couldn’t have even watched a full football game in that amount of time…so it is a little suspicious.

Post # 7
25 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

Was his call log already cleared when he opened it or did he clear it immediately before showing you to try and erase evidence that he never called his grandmother? If it was already cleared before you asked to see it, I would be concerned that he was on the phone with someone else he didn’t want you to know about. Either way, lying sucks. Couples don’t have to spend every moment together and it’s fine that he wanted to watch a game and have some alone time, but lying about it is really immature and makes the situation into something negative. If it came up again, I would tell him that I wasn’t bothered about his need for some alone time but that his lying was hurtful and unnecessary. 

Post # 8
5543 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think at this point the thing to stress is about how you always prefer honesty, even if the truth irritates you, it is much less upsetting for the truth than to discover a lie. There are a lot of things I can work on forgiving and forgetting, but lie to me about them and the issue is suddenly 100000x worse. 

My ex habitually lied, not because some evil malicous secret (well, usually) but because he was so conditioned from other people to be a people pleaser and to say whatever the person he was talking to most wanted to hear. Usually it was totally pointless and innocent things, but the fact that he felt the need to lie over them was a way bigger issue than whatever he was lying about. 

I think when you have both cooled down and have a little less defensiveness on his side and less raw emotion on yours, you need to sit down and talk about WHY he felt like he had to lie about where he was and you need to examine if there are certain things and ways you react to make him think that was his only option. I am not saying that it is in any way your fault that he lied, he totally has all that responsibility on him, but sometimes we do things we don’t realize that convey messages we dont mean (like, I will freak out on you for not coming straight home to me from work) that make other people think they have to preemptivley react.

Post # 9
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Did something happen to him at work? Why did he leave early?

Well…. if he was up to no good, driving back home and parking under your window doesn’t make him sound like the greatest schemer. Maybe he was upset about something work related and needed some time to calm down…. or I don’t know. I agree that lying was unnecessary and dumb.

Post # 10
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’d believe the football thing if he hadn’t deleted his call log. Maybe the football thing IS true, but wtf with the call log? I don’t like that.

Post # 11
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Would you normally get mad if he didn’t immediately come in to the apartment to hang out with you? If not, then I don’t know how much I would actually trust that answer =/ I’m sorry I can’t help that much. Hope things work out for you!

Post # 12
1345 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Was his call log already deleted? If so, I think he’s up to no good, here’s why.

He first said he didn’t know what you were talking about, which shows he made up the lie about his grandma on the spot. Why would his calls have been deleted if he hadn’t planned on telling you that in the first place?

Have you ever given him reason to think you’d be mad if he wanted to watch football after work? If not, I just don’t understand why he’d bother creating a lie. Is he going through a hard time? Sometimes people like to be alone if they’re sad or angry and he may not have wanted to talk about it.

Anyway, i’d have a serious talk to him and explain that lying is almost always worse than the act itself and that it’s not ok, for any reason. It creates trust issues. I hope it was an innocent, absent minded lie.

Post # 13
1901 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Lovemelovemyhorses:  I completely agree.

I’m generally not a suspicious person, but the fact that it seems as though he deleted his call log before even coming into the house is setting off alarm bells for me.

Post # 14
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

As someone who’s ex would lie about who they were talking too. I would be weery about empty call logs.

Post # 15
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I hope I am wrong, but I think he was talking to someone else.

Why would his call log be deleted unless there was something he didn’t want you to see? 

Post # 16
7556 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

The fact that he deleted the call log is very strange. He must be covering up for talking to someone else…why else would there not be a log of normal calls? 

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