FI mad at me for not wanting to go to party

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I go to the party?
    Just suck it up and go if it would mean a lot to your FI : (58 votes)
    45 %
    Don't go. It's not your job to help FI manage his friendships : (67 votes)
    52 %
    Other (Please explain) : (4 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 76
    Member
    1291 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’ve already commented on this thread but I thought about this thread yesterday, Yesterday was my best friends birthday party, We are good friends but I’m not familiar with her other friends. I’ve met her sister, husband and colleague in passing. Pretty much everyone was with their partners and I was going solo. The first 1,5 hours was so awkward. I’m from a culture where smalltalk is not a thing. Oh man, did I hope that my boyfriend was there with me. Thnakfully after a few rinnks the small talk started to happen.

    I personally think that talking with strangers is easier than with the people I’m kinda friends with. So if your partner doesn’t see the friends too often it’s either super aweome and talking all night through or it’s incredebly awkward and aving a partner there makes it so much easier.

    Post # 77
    Member
    23 posts
    Newbee

    NikkiBee18 :  If you don’t go hes going to feel unsupported. HEs going to feel like when he needs yout o step out of your comfort zone and when he wants you there….you’re not. you’re “uncomfortable”. Put that aside and change the way you’re thinking about it. Go with an open mind. Observe how these people have changed, or not, talk to a few and really listen. Focus on being THERE for your Fiance. Seems like this could ripple out into a feeling of you not being there for him when he needs you, you being a hassle when it comes to his friends…go and let him show you off to these people that you’ve moved beyond. If you are pleasant and nice it will make you look good and make him realise jeeze, they really are stuck in college mode and you’re better than that lifestyle. You said you have social anxiety. Here is an opportunity to try to get beyond it a little and communicate with your Fiance. Why not say directly “Hey, I really want to go because you want me there. I’m glad you want me with you. I feel like I’m going to be anxious but I’m gonna do my best, OK?” Then you can explain you just dont have anything in common with them anymore….and hopefully realise this isnt about that, its just showing support for your Fiance. Whats the alternative? for him to say “See ya, I’m hanging out with people from my past. You complain and cant handle it so I’ll go ALONE. Bye.”?

    Post # 78
    Member
    8425 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    All I know is I feel really guilty now for not going anymore  to any of my h’s vintage motorbike dinners/meetings. They are inexpressibly tedious if you are not an  enthusiast /rider and  all the other wives are so I  can’t even chat with them  for more than 45 secs without  it’s carburettors and re-chroming the something  pipe or the next planned country run .  

    I should go tonight , it’s the Christmas one , but I’m not . He says ‘do you want to go’ and I say ‘of course not  , but if you reeeely want me to I will. ‘ Not kind of me, is it.   

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